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She Said We Were Just Friends but She Kissed Me (Here's Why)

Feature Image of She Said We Were Just Friends but She Kissed MeShe is not ready to admit she is into you. She is also trying to friend-zone you, but at the same time, she kisses you because she likes you. What she is doing sends all kinds of mixed signals. She is a confused person who has fallen for you subconsciously.

She said you were just friends, but she kissed you. That is a bit confusing. In this article, I will help you understand why she does what she does. I will also help you with possible solutions to your problem. Read on.

Reasons why she said you guys were just friends, but she kissed you

  1. She likes you subconsciously: She is not aware of the feelings she has for you. She believes you guys are friends, but deep inside, she likes you. The kiss was a manifestation of her subconscious thoughts.
    • You guys are supposed to be friends (at least that is what she said), but she still kissed you because she has feelings for you. However, she does not know that she harbors such feelings. Kiss was inadvertent but quite poignant.
    • She is probably as confused as you are, and along with that, she feels a little embarrassed about the incident. The kiss made her question the relationship she has with you. She consciously chose to be your friend. The kiss can ruin the friendship.
    • She knows she is not into the idea of getting into a romantic relationship with you, but her subconscious mind does not agree with that. She is unaware of the fact that she has fallen for you.
    • The kiss needed a lot of time to build up (I am talking days here), but her conscious mind was never directly a part of it. When you guys got a bit closer, all she wanted was to kiss you and she went through with it, and now she is suffering from its consequence, along with you. You can read about a similar situation here.
  1. The kiss was an impulse or a mistake: She probably kissed you by mistake. It could also have been an impulse-driven act. She still thinks of you as a friend. There is probably nothing to worry about.
    • She kissed you mistakenly. It is not that she wanted to kiss someone else and kissed you instead (that would be absurd). She kissed you with the intention of kissing you, but that was a mistake, and she recognizes that.
    • She is probably worried about losing the friend in you because of this impulsive act. She knows she was not supposed to kiss you, but she did it anyway. Both of you are victims of the moment, and now there is nothing but regret and questions in your mind.
    • However, a bigger question lurks around. What did you do to stop the kiss? Did you kiss her back? If your answer to this question is “yes,” then why did you do so? You knew she was your friend. It is not normal for friends to kiss each other.
    • There is a lot to worry about if you guys have latent feelings for each other. Continuing an impulsive kiss says a lot about the people involved in it. You two will have to evaluate the situation with precision and maturity.
    • If you come to the conclusion that you guys truly do not have any feelings for you (and that this kiss was a mistaken experiment), you are free to go back to being friends. In that case, you have nothing more to worry about.
  1. She likes you but can’t say that: She is aware of her feelings for you. She wants to be with you but can’t bring herself to say that to your face. She is scared of rejection. She probably regrets the kiss.
    • A kiss is an intimate thing. It is supposed to be a romantic gesture. Sometimes it can be extremely awkward. If it happens between friends, things can get weird quicker than you think. It makes one question the friendship they have with the one they just kissed.
    • She has feelings for you but she is afraid of admitting it. She fears that her feelings will jeopardize your friendship. She is scared of losing the friend she has in you. What if you reject her when she tries to express her love for you? Going back from that seems impossible to her.
    • She kissed you because she got caught up in the moment and now, she probably regrets it. Did you hear from her after the kiss? If the answer is “no,” she is too ashamed to face you. She is embarrassed because she was the one to initiate the kiss. However, she wants to be with you. She has no idea how to say that she likes you.
    • What do you feel about the incident? Did you like it when she kissed you? Do you too have feelings for her? These are a few questions to think about. Losing a friend over a little kiss is never a good idea. You guys can work things out with conversation.
  1. She is friend-zoning you: You are nothing but an emotional doormat for her. She kissed you to feel good momentarily, but she would never fall for you. You are in the friend zone.
    • She uses you for emotional favors, and that is why she kissed you. She likes to think of you as a friend who will always be there at her beck and call. She knows you have feelings for her. That is why she kissed you to keep you in her life hope.
    • She has friend-zoned you. The kiss means nothing as she probably feels nothing for you. She will ask favors from you and make you do odd jobs for her. She is probably dating someone else.
    • She wants to keep you in her life to fulfill things that her partner can’t. She probably kissed you because you kiss better than her partner. She is definitely not in love with you.
    • You have kind of sealed your fate in this weird relationship by getting along with the kiss. If you knew about her steady relationship before she kissed, you too are responsible for your misfortune. You can read more about being in the friend zone right here.
  1. She is in a relationship with someone else: She says “we are just friends,” but she kissed you because she gave into her physical urges. She will continue this friendship with you but nothing more than that can happen. She is probably dating someone else.
    • She just cheated on her partner by kissing you. She considers you a friend but that was not enough to stop her from kissing you to make things awkward. She may or may not have feelings for you.
    • Even if she harbors romantic feelings for you, she will probably not reveal it. She fears it might ruin your friendship. She regrets the fact that she kissed you, but she liked it too. She feels weirdly attracted to you.
    • With you, she easily gave in to her physical urges, without giving a single thought to her present relationship. She feels physically attracted to you. Now, this could mean two things.
    • She could either keep cheating on her present partner with you. In that case, things won’t stop at kissing the next time. She will want to crank it up a notch every time she is with you. You will be her dirty little secret. She will not break up with her present partner. You will just be a side hustle for her. She will never publicly recognize you as her partner.
    • In the other scenario, after kissing you she will probably break up with her present partner to be with you. The important question here is, why did she kiss you? She did that because she grew tired of her relationship. She wanted to get out of it. She probably started liking you and the kiss was a manifestation of that feeling. She has a friend in you, who understands her (something she never had with her partner). She is in love with you.
  1. She wants to be friends with benefits: You guys are just friends, but she kissed you because she wants more. She wants to be friends with benefits from you. She wants a physical relationship with no strings attached.
    • Just being friends with you is not enough for her anymore. She is attracted to you and wants more out of this relationship. Friendship does not satisfy her anymore. She kissed you to show that she wants you to get physical with her.
    • Kissing someone is an intimate act that often leads to other sexual activities. She wants a friends-with-benefits situation with you. She needs to have a relationship with no strings attached. This is probably because she just got out of a toxic relationship. You could be her rebound.
    • She wants a casual relationship with you because you are her friend, and would understand her better than anyone else. She thinks you will never question her intentions and go with the flow along with her.
    • She does not want to get worried about maintaining a serious relationship. When you are friends-with-benefits with someone, the relationship begins and ends in physicality. It is constricted to closed doors. The dynamic changes the moment you step out of the room. Here are a few ways to tell if she wants an open relationship.
  1. She is playing you: She loves playing with people’s emotions. That is why she kissed you even though she said you guys are just friends. She loves seeing you all confused and clueless about what she did.
    • She is not a real friend, although she calls you one. She wants to see you suffer. That is probably why she kissed you. She wanted to make you think she is interested in you romantically when she is far from that feeling.
    • She likes playing with people’s emotions. Watching people suffer and crave her affection gives her a twisted kind of pleasure. She is ready to sacrifice years of friendship for that.
    • She probably does not consider anyone close. She only loves herself. She is narcissistic and selfish. She can go to extremes to see people confused and clueless about her actions.
    • She is sort of successful in her evil endeavor because she has made you think. Right now, you are here, reading about why she kissed you when she calls you a friend. She is in your mind. She will be staying here rent-free until you evict her with your common sense. Here are a few classic signs that show she is playing with your feelings.
  1. She needs a favor: She kissed you because she needs a favor. She still considers you a friend (or someone she can use to fulfill her needs). She will act affectionately until her job is done. After that, she might go back to being a cold, unaffectionate person. She is probably using you.
    • She kissed you to make you feel good so that she can lay the groundwork for a favor she needs from you. This could happen when she already knows that you harbor romantic feelings for her. She too feels a little for you. She was taking her time to recognize the feeling, but now that she is in dire need of your help, she has chosen to take the first step.
    • She still thinks of you as a friend but is open to the possibility of a romantic relationship. However, the base of this relationship (if it happens) will be a little flawed with a half-hearted kiss and a favor. However, love can still flourish.
    • The problem occurs when she kisses you to gain favors to fulfill her own selfish agenda. In that case, your friendship means nothing to her. There are many other people like you in her life with whom she shows affection for different favors.
    • If she is a selfish woman, she will probably forget about you once her purpose is served. She is going to use you with her affection as bait. The moment you accomplish a difficult task for her, she will look the other way and find someone else to do another task. She is a parasite who lives off other people’s hard work.

What to do when she kissed you but she said you guys are friends only?

  1. Tell her that you like her: You can step up to tell her that you have feelings for her. She might strike you down but that is a risk you will have to take in order to decode your relationship with her.
    • She just kissed you. There was definitely something more than friendship going on in her mind when she did that. If you think that you have acquired feelings for her, let her know. You should not keep such thoughts to yourself. Unsaid feelings often turn into the biggest emotional burdens.
    • Say that you have feelings for her even if you fear rejection. Do not overthink the consequence. She may or may not reject you, but that should not stop you from speaking your heart out. You will have nothing to regret once you let it out.
    • She might reject you when you approach her with your romantic feelings. She might refuse to go out on a date with you. It will make you feel miserable but try not to worry about that. You thought something about her, you let your feelings out in front of her and she failed to reciprocate. This will be your cue to move on. She is not the one for you.
    • She could also be into you. She likes you and that is why she kissed you even though you guys are just friends. If you say that you have feelings for her, she will probably reciprocate positively. However, that can only happen when she recognizes her true feelings.
  1. Ask her if she likes you: You can ask her if she likes you after the kiss. Ask her if the kiss meant anything or if was it just a spur-of-the-moment thing. Her answer might disappoint you.
    • You may or may not have feelings for her, but you can ask her if she feels anything for you. There must be a reason behind the kiss. A kiss is an intimate gesture that needs two people to come closer to each other’s bodies to establish a physical connection. Ask her what made her do that.
    • She might have feelings for you, but getting her to admit that will be a difficult task. She will try to deny her feelings out of embarrassment for her actions. However, if you make her feel safe, she will disclose her feelings for you. You are her friend and she feels weird about the fact that she kissed you.
    • Ask her if the kiss meant anything to her. Was it all about the moment? She might say it meant nothing to her. In that case, you will not stay confused anymore. You have your answer and now you can move on from the fateful kiss.
    • You will not have much to do if her answer disappoints you. She made her choices and now it is time for you to make your choice and deal with the situation. She chose to kiss you and jeopardize the friendship. You can choose to stay away from her from now on.
  1. Check if she has a partner: Before taking things further with her, check if she already has a partner. You do not want to get caught in someone else’s relationship crossfire.
    • She could be cheating on her partner with you. She calls you her friend and yet she kissed you. Check if she has a partner. Boredom in her relationship might have driven her to find pleasure in you.
    • You can check her phone when she is not around but make sure not to leave a trace. Check her phone and keep it exactly where and how you found it. You can also follow her around to see if she is with someone else. Following someone is creepy, but your situation can be considered a bit.
    • If you find out that she has a partner (and she is cheating on them by kissing you), step out of the friendship as soon as possible. She is being disloyal to her partner as well as to you. If her partner gets to know about her shenanigans, they will start an ugly fight with her.
    • Try not to get caught in another couple’s relationship crossfire. Their battle is theirs to fight. You cannot possibly do anything to help them. You should save yourself from the ruckus and concentrate on your life by forgetting the kiss.
  1. Tell her if you are up for a physical relationship with no strings attached: Talk to her about being friends with benefits and whether you are interested in that. Make sure that she is comfortable talking about it.
    • Being in an open relationship requires an open mind. You will have to deal with the fact that you guys will only be with each other to fulfill your physical needs. You guys will never be exclusive. Think and tell her if you are up for a friends-with-benefits situation.
    • If you are not a fan of the idea, have a clear conversation about that with her. She kissed you anticipating an outcome. Tell her that you will not be able to do that. Say that you are an old-school romantic who believes in a forever kind of love. A relationship with no strings attached is not your cup of tea.
    • If you like the idea of an open relationship, talk to her about that. Have discussions on how to go about it. Set up a date to try getting physical with her for the first time. You are in for bigger surprises if things go fine.
    • However, before you discuss any of these things make sure she feels comfortable talking about it. Chances are there that you have misjudged her. She is probably not into open relationships. She might get uncomfortable about the fact that you dragged her name into this issue. Try to be sure of her feelings before moving forward.
  1. Refuse to kiss her the next time: Do not kiss her the next time she tries to get close. You are facing problems since the last time she kissed you. Be polite and refuse to kiss her.
    • She called you her friend but that did not stop her from kissing you. The kiss made you uncomfortable. You were confused about your feelings for her, and by the time you could ask her about it, she was gone. Do not kiss her the next time she tries to kiss you.
    • She is a fickle-minded person who is confused about what she wants. Thriving in confusion she keeps hurting people who are close to her and care for her. With the impulsive kiss, she is losing the friend in you.
    • If you want to save your friendship, take the first step and stop kissing her. Say that you are not comfortable with the idea. Tell her that you see her only as a friend and she should try to do the same with you.
    • Be polite when you refuse her advances. Being unnecessarily rude might affect your already messed up friendship. Try to convince her with soft words and a calm voice. Try to be the voice of reason in this relationship. Ask her to take her time before making drastic decisions like this.
  1. Cut ties with her: She is not really your friend. A good friend would never keep you in the dark about their true intentions. She just wants to use you for her benefit. You can cut all ties with her.
    • Good friends do not jeopardize friendships. She kissed you and made things weird. You guys will never get over the kiss. It has been etched in your memories now. Friendships do not survive like this.
    • Both of you are probably single at the moment. You guys feel the heat when you are around each other. But what happens when you start dating other people? Things will get even weirder. Friendship will turn into a distant dream. It will get replaced with jealousy and madness.
    • To avoid that, you need to cut all ties with her. She was your friend until she decided to kiss you. You felt uncomfortable and that is the most important thing to address here. She wanted to use you to fulfill her physical needs. That is not what friends do to each other.
    • Cut ties with her especially if you find out that she is playing with your emotions. No one gave her the right to do that. To most people, a kiss means a lot. She takes advantage of the concept to fool people around her into believing that she is in love with them.
    • You can stop receiving her calls. Do not reply to her texts either. Refuse to meet her in person and do not entertain her wishes if she wants to come over to your place. If she keeps disturbing you, block her from all social media platforms. Ignore her if she causes you mental agony.
  1. Make her fall in love with you: Try to make her fall in love with you. She kissed you probably because she has unrecognized latent feelings for you in her heart. Try to bring that out.
    • You can always make her fall in love with you. She kissed you and that proves she has feelings for you. She could be in love or she could want a casual relationship. The point is, she is thinking about you in a romantic way. If you like her, you can take the opportunity to make her fall for you.
    • She probably does not know what she feels for you. She is unaware of her latent feelings. She probably thinks she kissed you purely because of the moment. The truth is, she always wanted to kiss you. She never recognized her urge.
    • You can have a direct conversation with her about the situation. Be clear about the fact that you want to ask her out. Tell her that you like her and that her kiss made you feel great. Ask her how she felt during the kiss. She will not be honest with you at first but she will open up to you slowly.
    • Let’s be honest here. Both of you are new to this situation. She is unaware of her feelings and therefore it is your responsibility to extract the best out of this situation. You guys can take time to know each other in a new way (that is far from friendship). You can go on dates and movies and do whatever makes you guys feel happy, together.


A few things to remember:

  • She wants a friends-with-benefits situation with you. She requires a relationship with no strings attached. You can go with the flow if you are up for it. However, if you feel uncomfortable about such a relationship, feel free to say no to her advances. That will not make you “uncool.”
  • If the kiss made you feel uncomfortable, confront her about it. Ask her not to behave like that anymore. Say that your friendship might get ruined because of her antics.
  • She is probably trying to cheat on her partner with you. It starts with a kiss and goes on with endless possibilities. Try to find out if she has a partner. Confront her about the situation when the truth comes to light.
  • If you value your friendship with her, refuse to kiss her the next time. Explain to her the demerits of getting physically intimate with a friend. Ask her to control herself. If the truth takes her away from you, try to settle for the fact that she was never a good friend.
  • She likes you but cannot say that to your face. She kissed you because of her romantic feelings for you. She is too shy and embarrassed to admit that she is falling for you. This could happen especially if you guys have been friends for a long time.
  • The kiss was probably a mistake. It happened at the moment, and both of you were involved in it. Such impulsive kisses happen between people all the time. A few such kisses can even lead to long-term relationships. It all depends on what you guys think of each other. If you are really in love, nothing else should matter.

About the Author

Nirajana Mukherjee

Nirajana Mukherjee has been helping people find out their relationship queries since 2019. At Relationshippp she loved to talk about topics related to Dating, Affairs, Attraction, and Breakups. Her work can be seen in RelationshipExplained - A Renowned Relationship Blog. Nirajana has a Masters in English literature from St. Xavier's University.
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