Logo Black - Relationshippp

Why is My Ex So Cold and Heartless? (Exact Reasons)

Feature Image of My Ex So Cold and HeartlessYour ex is so cold and heartless because they no longer have the old romantic feelings for you. They have distanced themselves from you and are probably never going to return. If you want them to be like their old self around you, you are in for a disappointment.

In this article, I will help you find the reasons why your ex acts so cold and heartless all the time. I will also mention a few ways to deal with this problem effectively. Read on.

Ten reasons why your ex acts so cold and heartless

  1. They have moved on: Your ex is acting so cold and heartless because they have moved on. They probably dumped you to be with someone else. Your feelings mean nothing to them.
    • They would not even try to contact you. If you still wish to keep in touch, it will be more like a one-sided thing. That’s disheartening.
    • They left you to be with someone else. Now that they are with that person, they no longer need you in their life, not even as an emotional doormat.
    • It can also be that they moved in in some other way. They are not in another relationship. They might have moved on to focus on their career.
    • You are a distraction to them. Therefore, they have decided to keep you out of their life by acting cold and heartless.
  1. They have found someone else: Everything was fine for a few days after the breakup. You guys were in touch. They started acting distant after they found someone else.
    • This means you officially don’t have a claim over this relationship anymore. You don’t have a claim over your ex. They belong to someone else now.
    • This was meant to happen sooner or later. When a relationship is over, there is no reason to cling to it unless you wish to reconcile with your ex.
    • Your ex saw no future with you, and that’s why they decided to search for someone who could be their soulmate. When they found that significant person, they detached themselves from you.
    • At this point, you are nothing but baggage to them. They want to get rid of the past that involved you. That’s why they are being so cold and heartless. It’s all to ward you off.
  1. They have nothing to do with you: They are simply not interested in you anymore. They have nothing to do with you. You were their past, and that’s where you belong.
    • They are acting so cold and heartless because they feel nothing for you. A dead relationship means nothing to them. They probably want you to stop bothering them with calls and texts.
    • Their cold behavior is a hint toward the fact that they don’t love you anymore. They don’t want to be associated with you in any way.
    • The relationship was a mistake they regret and would probably never want to reconcile. However, they still haven’t blocked you (and are still replying, albeit with cold words) just because they are too polite to take off like that.
  1. They want to torment you: They have no feelings for you. However, they still keep in touch just to torment you with their cold and heartless behavior. They want to see you suffer.
    • It’s a typical toxic trait. They want to take away the peace from your life. They are the reason why you have to pay hefty bills at the therapist’s office for your degrading mental health.
    • They find happiness in your suffering for some twisted reason that seems sane to them. They need help regarding their mental health.
    • They blame you for the breakup and now want to make your life hell. That’s how they have decided to make you pay for cutting ties with them.
    • You were just being nice by keeping in touch with them. But they saw it as an opportunity to exact revenge by torturing you with their behavior.
  1. They don’t like you anymore: They act so cold and heartless because they don’t like you anymore. Dislike for you was the sole reason for them to break up with you. Expecting they would maintain a cordial relationship with you post-breakup is absurd.
    • They haven’t liked you for a while. Even before the breakup, they were already tired of their presence in your life.
    • Not that you are broken up; they want to stay as far as possible from you. When you text or call them, they get irritated.
    • The result? Their cold and heartless behavior, with a hint of aloofness, brought you here with questions.
  1. You cheated on them: That’s reason enough to act cold and distant. Why wouldn’t your ex act heartless? They loved you, and you cheated on them. What you feel now doesn’t matter as they are over you now. You mean nothing to them.
    • They were hurt when you cheated on them. Of course, that led to this breakup.
    • Cheating in a relationship spurs hatred in the mind of the one you cheated on. They do not like you. You are the personification of evil to them.
    • The cheating episode in your relationship had an adverse effect on them. They had to see therapists about it. Being around you is bad for their mental health.
    • They act so cold and heartless because there is no love left for you in their heart. They don’t even want to see your face again.
  1. Their new partner doesn’t like you: Your ex won’t talk to you normally because their new partner doesn’t like you. This new person in their life is their first priority now, and they don’t want to annoy their partner by keeping in touch with an ex.
    • The new partner knows about you and sees you as a possible threat to their relationship ─ a threat that needs to be kept at bay.
    • They don’t approve of your ex’s friendship with you. This new partner is one of those people who think exes can never be good friends.
    • They pressurize your ex to act cold and heartless with you so that you get wary and leave their life forever. They want to get rid of you.
  1. They are lonely and depressed: Your ex is acting so cold and heartless because they are depressed. They are sad, and that makes them cranky. You nag them for conversation, putting yourself on the receiving end of that awful behavior.
    • Their depression might have resulted from regret. They regret letting you go. They know the breakup was solely their fault because they wanted to stay away from you.
    • Now they have realized their mistake, but it’s too late to apologize now. Things are already too bitter between you guys.
    • Even if the broken relationship gets taped together, chances are there that it will fall apart fast. This truth annoys them. They know they have messed up.
  1. They can’t get over you: Although the breakup was their decision, they can’t get over you. Watching you live a life without them annoys them. That’s why, when you try to converse with them, they suddenly become distant and act all cold and heartless.
    • Getting over you is difficult for them. Even though they initiated the breakup, they can’t forget the good times they spent with you.
    • They regret that they have let all that happiness go down the drain. They can’t get over the fact that they have lost a perfect relationship to a momentary whim.
  1. You can’t get over the breakup: You just can’t get over your dumper. You loved them, and they broke your heart. That’s where the story ends. Ideally, one should feel sad for a while, maybe burn a few pictures of the ex and then move on to better things and even better people. However, that’s not the case for you.
    • You like to cling to old things. You are the one who is trying to keep in touch with the dumper. They literally dumped you. But that clearly isn’t enough reason for you to stop trying.
    • They are acting so cold and heartless because even after the breakup, you are still in their life as the nagging ex. They dumped you so that they could have a life of their own.
    • They insulted your love by dumping you and now are acting all cold and distant to keep you out of their life. I think you should take a hint from this behavior and never see their face again.

What to do when your ex acts so cold and heartless?

  1. Drop a text: Texts are the best way to converse when you find your ex acting cold and heartless. They must have a reason for such behavior. Texting would bring you answers. It will also save you from talking to them directly. Here are a few things you can say:
    • “Hey. How are you doing? Just wanted to check on you. You seemed a bit distant the other day. Are you okay?”
    • “How can you be so cold and heartless? Why would you behave like this with me when you were the dumper in this relationship?”
    • “I found your words hurtful yesterday. You spoke like I never meant anything to you.”
    • “Have you moved on? Isn’t it a bit early to move on from a serious relationship? It feels like you have lost all interest in me.”
    • “Hey. Just wanted to let you know that I am not going to keep in touch with you anymore. You clearly don’t want me in your life, and I won’t stay where I am unwanted. Thank you for everything. Have a good life ahead.”
  1. Call them up: Call them up if you are ready to talk directly. Be warned that they might behave horribly with you. But that’s a risk you have to take for trying to keep in touch with them.
    • You can try calling them when they aren’t busy. Thanks to the relationship, you know their schedule. You know them better than most people. This knowledge will help you through the conversation.
    • If you want to keep in touch, you will have to be polite when you talk to them. Yelling at each other will lead youth toward the end of whatever is left of the relationship.
    • However, if you don’t wish to keep in touch, you can call them up in the middle of the night, yell your heart out about their horrible behavior and disconnect the phone, never to contact them again. It will be a great closure to this toxic relationship.
  1. Look for any possible misunderstanding:  They might be behaving this way due to a misunderstanding. Think about things that could have possibly gone wrong to spur this behavior.
    • Ask them if they were hurt by something you said or did. Sometimes, your words and actions can get wrongly interpreted by people.
    • Try to find out if anyone said negative things about you to them. Breakups already come with a set of negative ideas about the person with whom you were once in a relationship.
  1. Apologize if you cheated: Cheating in a relationship is frowned upon for obvious reasons. It breaks your partner’s heart. Your ex dumped you for this reason. However, an apology can go a long way.
    • You can apologize to them for what you did. It can’t mend their broken heart or treat their trust issues, but it can do some damage control. It will show that you can own up to your mistakes. Admit that what you did was wrong.
    • The apology should come from the bottom of your heart. They will recognize a fake one. Apologize only when you mean to.
    • An apology can attempt to break the ice between you two. It probably won’t make them forget you cheated. It won’t help you reconcile, but it will at least try to retain the friendship.
    • However, miracles do happen, and your apology can mend the relationship. But let’s not put all the hope into that. Just like M.J. in Spiderman: No Way Home, hope for the worst so that you are not disappointed when something bad happens.
  1. Ask them if they are lonely: You have been in a relationship for a while. You have the right to ask them if they are lonely. It shows that you are still concerned about their well-being. However, replying is up to them.
    • Text or call them to ask if they are okay. Their cold and heartless attitude can be the result of loneliness.
    • They regret breaking up with you but are too proud to admit it. Therefore, they have chosen to be sour like the Grinch.
    • Your concern might melt the ice. They will see what they had with you. The old memories will make them realize their mistake, and they might admit their true feelings.
  1. Don’t overthink: Overthinking is your biggest drawback. It makes you swim in the stream of consciousness, and you end up thinking impossible things. You make up impossible scenarios in your head. Here are a few things you need to know:
    • They are acting cold and heartless because they feel nothing for you. Your concern doesn’t matter to them anymore.
    • There is no chance of reconciliation in most cases. Your situation might not be an exception.
    • You will have to accept that they are no longer a part of your life.
    • Overthinking or daydreaming about getting back together will only make you sadder. It isn’t happening (unless a miracle occurs to change their mind, but that’s unlikely).
  1. Don’t act too needy: Calling and texting them (trying too hard to contact them in general) can be inferred as a textbook example of clingy behavior. Don’t be that needy ex who fails to forget the past and clings to it forever.
    • If you are still in love with your dumper, you are in for more heartbreak. They broke up with you abruptly. You shouldn’t feel romantic about that.
    • It was a toxic relationship, and they used you as an emotional doormat. Do you really want to go back to that situation? You are free to be yourself now. Do whatever you want.
    • You are probably going through a mild version of Stockholm syndrome. You need to get help about that, and being needy and clingy around your dumper is not going to help.
  1. Move on: You need to move on. The relationship was a nightmare. Be glad it’s over now. Your dumper used you for their pleasure and broke up when they got bored. You can do the following to help yourself:
    • Dispose of everything they left at your place. You can burn their things or just throw them all out in the trash.
    • Take a long vacation to clear your mind. You can visit all the places you wanted to visit but were never able to because of them.
    • Start dating other people. At this point (after a long relationship), your dating game might not be that strong but keep trying until you ace it. However, don’t talk about gas to your date like Ross in F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
  1. Involve in some activity: Distract yourself by getting involved in other activities. Do something that makes you happy. The activities can range from a hobby to a weird new hairstyle. The world is your oyster. Here is a list of things you can do:
    • Get a new haircut. Haircuts are a great change. What you need badly is a change. You need to start seeing life differently. Choose a haircut you would never have chosen while in the relationship. It would be even more fun if they loved your long hair.
    • Dye your hair with funny colors. Go for vibrant shades of blue or purple, red or pink. If you are brave enough, choose brighter colors like green, yellow, or orange. Change how you look. The key is to do something you would never have done while in a relationship.
    • Do what you always wanted to do. Travel far and wide, and disappear for days into forests or mountainous terrains. Visit new states and countries. Travel to the less treaded parts of the world.
    • It’s okay if you are not a big travel person. You can take leave from your workplace to do nothing at home. Curl up with a blanket on your couch and binge-watch your favorite movies. You can have a movie marathon.
    • Order food and eat to your heart’s content without worrying about gaining weight for a while. Find your comfort food. Food can be a great stressbuster.
  1. Stop bothering them: If they don’t want you in their life, stop bothering them. They dumped you because they wanted other things in their life of which you cannot be a part. It’s better to leave them alone.
    • Your dumper is so cold and heartless because they wish to get rid of you. You may still have feelings for them, but that doesn’t ensure similar feelings from them too. They don’t like you anymore, and you will have to accept this harsh reality.
    • There is probably no chance of reconciliation. They don’t want you back in their life, not even as a friend. They have moved on and probably are in a new relationship.
    • You need to stop sulking about a dead relationship. They dumped you and broke your heart. Do you really think they deserve your love?
    • Block them from all social media platforms. That will help you get over them and focus on your life. You have suffered enough, and now you deserve a little peace.


A few things to remember:

  • They broke your heart. That’s enough reason not to see their face again. But you still want to keep in touch, and that wish has brought you this situation where they are acting all cold and distant with you. Do they really deserve your attention? Think about it.
  • Also, if they don’t want to be bothered, don’t bother them at all. They broke up with you for a reason.

About the Author

Nirajana Mukherjee

Nirajana Mukherjee has been helping people find out their relationship queries since 2019. At Relationshippp she loved to talk about topics related to Dating, Affairs, Attraction, and Breakups. Her work can be seen in RelationshipExplained - A Renowned Relationship Blog. Nirajana has a Masters in English literature from St. Xavier's University.
Learn more about us here!
Logo White - Relationshippp
Join Relationshippp. You will get exlusive relationship tips that we only share with our email suubsribers. Oh by the way, our communications are not one-sided. We do read and reply to all the emails. ALL THE EMAILS.