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We Just Started Dating and He Went on a Vacation (REASONS)

Feature Image of Just Started Dating and He Went on VacationThe vacation was planned before you guys started dating. He was probably looking forward to it. There is nothing wrong with going on a vacation right after he started dating you. However, this can also be a clever attempt to avoid you if he has lost interest in this relationship.

In this article, we will discuss reasons why he went on a vacation right after he started dating you. Is it normal, or is he trying to convey something with this behavior? Let’s find out. We will also discuss ways to deal with the situation. Read on.

Reasons why he went for a vacation when you just started dating

  1. He had it planned for a long time: He had it planned from the time before you started dating. He was looking forward to it. You can’t expect him to cancel vacation plans after three dates with you.
    • He has been planning this vacation for a long time. It is probably a trip to his dream destination. He should not have to cancel something he was looking forward to just because you want him to do so.
    • You have just arrived in his life. Are you absolutely sure about a strong future with him? Both of you need to stay in your personal spaces during this period.
    • Planning a vacation takes a lot of time, money, and energy. He probably has a prior commitment to his travel partners. Stalling or canceling it for you would not be good for his social image.
    • He might get ostracized by his travel partners or friends. Canceling the plans might lead them to keep him out of their future vacations.
  1. He loves to travel: He went on a vacation right after you guys started dating because he loves to travel. He prioritizes travel over you. Also, this relationship is too new for him to include you in his vacation plans.
    • Travelling is normal for him. He travels whenever he gets a little time off work. It is his hobby, and nothing (no one) can stop him from doing that.
    • His new relationship with you is not strong enough to change his travel habits. This vacation is a bigger priority. He wouldn’t miss it for the world.
    • He loves exploring new places and uses almost all of his money for that. It is so important to him that he will say no to this relationship with you if it comes between him and his vacation plans.
    • When it comes to including you in his travel plans, there are many problems in there too. He is probably a solo traveler. He functions well when he is alone in a new place. This relationship is too new for him even to consider you as a potential travel partner. He thinks you might jeopardize his experience.
  1. He wants to get away from you: The vacation is just an excuse to get away from you. You guys have only gone on a few dates, and he is already tired of your presence in his life.
    • He is tired of hanging out with you all the time. That’s why he went on a vacation right after you started dating. He wants to avoid your presence for a while.
    • You guys have just started dating, and he already thinks you are a bit annoying (which is debatable). What’s romantic for you is smothering for him. He wants to get out of it for a while. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t like you anymore.
    • You actually are a bit annoying, and a solo vacation (or a vacation with a few close friends) is the only option for him to avoid you for a while. Hanging out with one person all the time is not his thing.
    • This relationship is going on a questionable path that leads to an even more questionable future. Do you really want to be with someone who feels the need to avoid you right after you start dating?
    • You have a certain personality that can be annoying for some and pleasing for others. You can’t change your personality based on what other people may think. His urge to flee proves that he is probably not the right guy for you.
  1. He doesn’t know you that well: The person you are dating doesn’t know you that well. That’s why he went on vacation right after you guys started dating. A few dates don’t mean much to him.
    • He would have stayed back if he knew you well enough. A few dates are not enough to know a person better. It is not enough to get familiar with the person.
    • He would have asked you to accompany him to his vacation if this relationship was a bit more than a few days old. He barely knows you. You can’t expect him to make you a part of his personal plans.
    • A few dates with someone don’t carry much value for him. He has not yet found that binding connection with you that might let him think about staying back for you or taking you on vacation with him.
  1. He is with his friends: He is with his friends, and he doesn’t want you to be a part of that part of his life. He wants to keep you away from his friends, and to take you on vacation with them is the last thing he wants.
    • His friends are an important part of his life. He planned this vacation with them long before he started dating you. He would not cancel it for the world.
    • He could have taken you with him, but honestly, he doesn’t know you well enough, and you are not familiar with his friends. He thinks the entire trip will turn awkward with your presence.
    • He wants to keep the two most important parts of his life separate. He has his reasons. He would never take you on a trip with his friends, and his friends will never be a part of the romantic trip he plans with you.
    • It could also be that he doesn’t trust his friends. You are a new addition to his life. You don’t know his friends well. He fears that they will hit on you, and that might end up jeopardizing your relationship.
    • He could also be scared of the idea that his friends might spill the beans about his true nature in front of you. This is applicable when all he does is put on a façade of being a nice guy in front of you. He is seeing other people behind your back, and his friends know that. Including you on vacation with them puts him in a position of risk where he will never be able to enjoy the vacation to its fullest due to a constant fear of getting his cover blown.
    • He might be a bit skeptical about you. He doesn’t trust you around his friends. It is a textbook example of toxic behavior. Eventually, he is going to forbid you from doing things you want. At this point, he believes you are going to flirt with his friends while on a trip, and you will probably leave him for one of them. He is a toxic overthinker.
  1. You never showed interest in travel: It’s not that he never offered to take you on vacation with him. You are just not interested in what he likes. You can’t expect him to stop doing what he loves. This kind of behavior can be described in one word: “toxic.”
    • You don’t like what he likes. You guys have different interests. Many couples are like this, but in a healthy relationship, nobody stops their partner from doing what they like.
    • He would love to travel with you, but he can’t do that when you keep saying no to his offers. He has to travel for his sanity, and he will do that with or without you.
    • Going on a vacation right after you guys started dating doesn’t mean he is not interested in you anymore. He is just making time for his hobby. He will include you in his plans gladly if you show even a little bit of interest.
    • Stopping him from doing what he loves the most will make you toxic, and he will probably break up with you for that, eventually. Not being the quintessential toxic partner is the key here.
  1. He is doing this for social media: He has a strong social media presence, and he needs to maintain a certain image. He might go on a vacation right after he starts dating you, probably because he is a vlogger, and therefore, he needs to make these videos to stay relevant.
    • Social media is a cutthroat game for the ones who want to make some money out of it. He constantly needs to make reels and post pictures even if he is under the weather.
    • A few moments to himself will render him irrelevant, and he might even lose followers. He would have gone on that vacation even if he had to cancel your first date for that. His life runs on a schedule.
    • This seems surreal, but it is our reality. As the year ends, we have moved a bit closer to the creation of a dystopian society where a virtual world controls everything we do.
    • His social media is the boss of his life now. It’s not about you anymore. You don’t even fall on his priority list. You are just a hidden part of his highly publicized life, and unfortunately, you will have to accept that if you want to be in this relationship.
  1. You guys had a fight: He went on a vacation right after you started dating, probably because you guys had a fight. He wants to clear his head by staying away from you for a while.
    • Fighting at the very beginning of a relationship (like after one or two dates) is not a great sign, and him going on a vacation without is definitely not a good sign.
    • Fights do happen, even at the early stage of a relationship, but that doesn’t mean he will abandon you without consequences. His behavior might cost him this relationship.
    • Fights and heated arguments often turn people into irrational creatures who will make more mistakes than a three-year-old kid trying to learn how to ride a bike.
    • Going on a vacation after a fight was a mistake he is going to regret. He was not thinking straight and made this decision in the heat of the moment.
    • He is trying to clear his head by staying away from you. That might work for him, but it can be detrimental to the relationship. He should have tried to resolve things between you two before storming off to the mountains.
  1. You did something without him: He went on a vacation without you right after you started dating because you did something without him. He is trying to teach you a lesson.
    • He seems quite a vengeful person by the looks of it. You guys have just started dating, and he went on a vacation right when things were starting to get serious.
    • That’s because he somehow got offended about something you did without him. He doesn’t seem to understand the concept of space and individuality. He thinks being in a relationship means you guys have to do everything together.
    • However, it’s not right to find him faulty when you actually did something wrong. His anger is justified if you promised to do something along with him but did it alone anyway. For example, if you promised to watch a certain movie only with him, but you watched it anyway because you couldn’t wait, it is something that will annoy him into doing things alone.
    • He wants to teach you a lesson by going on a vacation alone. He wants you to value his presence and learn about the perks of doing things together. However, such treatment can smother an independent person.
  1. He needs to be on his own: He went on a vacation right after you he started dating you because he needs to be on his own for a while. A new relationship could be overwhelming for him.
    • He needs some time for himself. Ever since he started dating you, he has been busy spending time with you.
    • He needs space and wants you to respect his privacy. That would never happen while you guys are in a position to meet every other day.
    • Staying in the same city and meeting each other all the time is making him grow tired of this relationship right from the beginning. A vacation will let him think about the future of the relationship. It will also help him calm down.
  1. He is with his family: He had prior plans with his family. That’s why he went on a vacation right after you started dating. This is not about you.
    • This is nothing to worry about. He is attached to his family, and that’s a good thing. He had prior plans with his family members, and he chose to honor that.
    • When the time comes, he will make plans with you, too, and will probably go out of his way to honor that. He is a man of his word.
    • His family is important to him. A trip with them is his opportunity to strengthen the bond. If you are patient enough to stay in this relationship, he will probably make you a part of such family trips (only if you want to).

What to do (or not to do) in a situation like this?

  1. Don’t fight with him about this: That is probably the last thing you should do. Don’t even think of fighting with him about going on a vacation right after he started dating you.
    • He has his reasons for what he did. You don’t need to fight with him about it. He loves to travel, and he will go on vacations with or without you.
    • Fighting with him over what he loves will make him fight with you the next time you do something you love. How would you feel if he fought with you for watching Netflix all day?
    • If you don’t want the boomerang, don’t throw it in the first place. Be a supportive person, especially if you want this relationship to succeed.
  1. Give him some space: Try to give him space. He needs to be alone for a while. Nobody likes a monotonous life. Vacationing is his way of coping with his problems.
    • This is a new relationship. You guys have only been on a few dates. Nobody expects you to know all about him but giving him space is the least you can do.
    • He went on that vacation to feel good about his life. He doesn’t want you to bring him down with fights and yellings about abandoning you.
    • He did not abandon you. Going on a vacation is a very personal thing, and he is allowed to do that to feel good about himself in this difficult world
  1. Let him travel on his own: Let him travel on his own if that is what he wants. He is a solo traveler, and you need to respect that part of his life.
    • This is a new relationship, and you don’t get to have a say in what he does. He went on a vacation just after you guys started dating. That’s because he is not ready to let you be a part of his life yet.
    • He needs time to learn to trust you. Asking him (or forcing him) to stay back with you by canceling his plans will only widen the distance between you two, eventually leading this relationship towards a breakup
  1. Do something you like: Stop whining over his vacation and do something you like instead. You have only been on a few dates. Therefore, there is nothing to be so emotional.
    • Do things you like. You must have hobbies. Spend your time with things or activities you enjoy instead of pining over him like a Petrarchan lover.
    • You can even find a new hobby and try to be good at it. Productive hobbies often help you focus. It brings in a wave of positive thoughts.
    • You can invite your friends over for a party while your date is away on vacation. Friends are an important part of your life, and they will stay even if the relationship gets over.
    • If you are not in love with this person, you can even think twice about this new relationship. Think whether he is worth the wait. If you find him unworthy, break up with him when he is back and try to find someone better instead
  1. Go for a vacation without him: He went on a vacation without you. You can do the same if you want. Go for a vacation without him right after he returns.
    • Choose a time when he will not get leave. The day after he returns will be the best.
    • It will be even better if you choose the place he went to for your vacation. You can take your friends with you if you want. That will put him in his place.
    • You can even plan a vacation to a place he has always wanted to visit. Don’t tell him anything about your trip. Let it be a not-so-pleasant surprise for him.
  1. Don’t say harsh words about his friends or family: He went on a vacation to be with his friends or his family. Don’t say rude things about them. That will only hurt him.
    • His family and friends are important to him. He went on a vacation with them right after he started dating you only because he had prior plans. He couldn’t cancel or postpone the vacation because of you. You need to understand his position.
    • Saying rude things about people who are important to him will turn you into a villain in his eyes. Moreover, saying rude things about your partner’s friends and family is a textbook example of toxic behavior
  1. Apologize if you have to: He went on a vacation right after you started dating because he wanted to teach you a lesson for something you did. Apologize if you want to resolve things.
    • An unconditional apology might fix things between you two. Apologize if you have done something to make him upset.
    • However, if he is doing this to punish you for something trivial, think twice before you apologize because that might become a pattern.
    • He will use this trick to make you do things as per his preference. You can’t let him win unethically.
  1. Act cold: Act cold if he needs to be corrected. He went on a vacation with total disregard for your feelings. He should understand what he did.
    • You can try not to talk to him whenever he tries to contact you while on vacation. Don’t take his calls or text him back.
    • Shut him out of your life and stop sharing little details about your life with him. Make him feel what he made you feel when he went on that vacation.
    • Stop spending time with him when he comes back from the trip. You can refuse firmly when he asks you to go on a date with him. If you can’t say no to his face, postpone the date indefinitely until he realizes his mistake and apologizes appropriately.


A few things to remember:

  • He is doing this because he needs space.
  • His family and friends are important to him. Don’t ever say anything rude about them.
  • You guys have only been on a few dates. You don’t get to have such a claim over him and his decisions.
  • Think twice about this relationship. You are clearly not important to him.
  • Spend more time with your family and friends. They will be there for you if you break up with this guy.
  • Don’t be the quintessential toxic partner who has a problem with everything.

About the Author

Nirajana Mukherjee

Nirajana Mukherjee has been helping people find out their relationship queries since 2019. At Relationshippp she loved to talk about topics related to Dating, Affairs, Attraction, and Breakups. Her work can be seen in RelationshipExplained - A Renowned Relationship Blog. Nirajana has a Masters in English literature from St. Xavier's University.
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