Is it Over? How to Know When a Relationship is Finished

Relationships have good and bad moments, and even couples in a perfect relationship will have the occasional fight. However, if you have reached the point where you have some doubt that’s hard to ignore, you may ask yourself” “How do you know when a relationship is over?”

1.     Signs of a Dying Relationship

The signs of a dying relationship are not challenging to pick up. Sometimes, you might still care for each other, but analyzing the good and the bad moments will give you enough insight to determine if it’s worth working on the relationship. How do you know when a relationship is over?

These are the six distinctive key signs:

You’ve Lost Emotional Connection

After the spark is gone, it’s tough to notice if it’s worth saving the relationship. However, if you can no longer feel comfortable opening up to your partner with your most vulnerable thoughts, that’s the first sign of a dying relationship.

Thought and opinion sharing is vital to a healthy and happy relationship. Therefore, if you have started keeping your deeper feelings to yourself, your need for a deeper connection is lost, weakening your bond.

Lack Physical Intimacy

Fluctuations in sexual desire are natural during a relationship. However, if it has taken a downward spiral with no efforts from either of you to communicate or work on it, then the lack of physical connection indicates that your connection has started to fade. Unfortunately, sex is often the first thing to fade in relationships that are about to end.

Licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White told Brides: “Imagine your first sexual contact with your partner. If the memory still makes you feel good, there’s probably still sexual attraction. When the thought of your partner intimately touching you is off-putting, it’s often a signal of an imminent breakup.”

You Find Yourself Attracted to Someone Else

Fantasizing about others is normal, but not when these thoughts affect your sexual intimacy with your partner. If you find that your fantasies entail someone at work, your ex, or even strangers, then you have minimized your priorities toward your partner, and your relationship is probably over.

Lack of Trust

Infidelity and lying are the two main reasons for losing trust in your partner. The lack of trust is a major stumbling block in relationships because it affects emotional connection. Trust is often tricky to rebuild because it requires forgiveness and focus on the root problems.

Your Goals Are Different

Another sign of the downfall of a relationship is when you both want different things, and no one is willing to compromise. Planning for different goals is challenging, even in a perfect relationship. Some of the most common differences couples face are career dreams, whether to formalize the relationship (especially for religious people), the desire for children, and where to settle.

2.     When to Consider Ending a Relationship

Perhaps your relationship has lost its sparkle, and it’s time to call it quits. Here are some of the signs that show you it’s time to consider ending it:

You Have Unmet Needs- Relationships consist of two people with different emotional, physical, and functional needs. Communicating your needs is essential, but if your partner is unwilling to fulfill them, it’s a sign that you should move on.

You Seek Others to Fill Your Needs -Who is the first person you want to share something with? In a healthy relationship, it will be your partner. However, if you or your partner constantly turn to someone else for emotional affirmation, it’s a sign that you should consider ending the relationship.

You Fear Asking for More – It’s unnatural to constantly suppress your feelings out of fear or to feel like you have become a burden. If you think you cannot have an open line of communication with your partner because you fear that he will think you are overly emotional or needy, you either need help or consider parting ways.

You Have No Support for Your Relationship from Friends and Family – The opinions of trusted friends and family members are worth listening to. These people love and support you, and if they have noticed that you are unhappy in a relationship, listen to them and take stock of your relationship because they are most likely correct. The most prominent signs you should look for are that you often lie to them, meaning that you are probably also lying to yourself. It’s most likely time to let go of the relationship.

 You Feel Obliged to Stay – According to studies, people will stay in an unhappy relationship, much like they do in a money investment, because they have invested effort and time. Unfortunately, investing time in relationships does not always bring happy rewards since it cannot always fix the problems. Consider if your relationship is worth any more time.

You Have Already Spent a Lot of Time Working on the Relationship – The longer you have been together, the more incentive you have to work on the relationship, especially if you have kids. If you both want the relationship to work, seek couple counseling, but set a time limit. A breakup might be the best decision if you have reached the limit without success.

You Have an Abusive Partner – Unfortunately, victims often stay in abusive relationships for various reasons. Psychologists say it’s often difficult for people to leave these relationships, but if you love yourself, you must find a way out.

3.     Navigating the Gray Area: Is it Really Over?

How do you know when a relationship is over? Navigating the grey area before deciding it’s over can prove challenging. However, some signs may indicate it’s worth trying to work things out:

You Are Still in Love

If you haven’t had time to discuss your feelings calmly, but they only come out in a fight, you may still love each other. Feeling frustrated, irritated, and resentful during difficult phases in a relationship is natural. However, give yourself time to restore your feelings and fix things, especially if the thought of losing your partner makes you sad.

You Have Kids

If you have kids, it’s worth trying to repair your relationship because of the separation effect on them. Therefore, it’s worth exhausting all options, including therapy, to consider everyone’s happiness. Ultimately, think about what would make everyone happy before deciding.

Your Complaints are Unjustified

Suppose you’re always complaining about aspects of your marriage but have made no effort to fix things. For example, you feel the romance has gone, or you don’t get enough attention. In that case, you may need to consider investing time and effort in making the relationship work instead of whining.

How do you know when a relationship is over? Consider letting go if you see the following signs:

Some problems, like infidelity, compulsive behaviors, abuse, or violence, are complex to root out without proper treatment. If your partner refuses to seek treatment or it hasn’t worked, then it’s probably time to consider that your relationship is over. The same applies to couples therapy. If you tried it but still have problems and can’t communicate, then the motivation to stay in the relationship is not there.

4.     Taking the First Steps Towards Moving On

You may feel you are letting your partner down by taking the first steps to leave the relationship[, but that’s not true. Ending the relationship allows you both to move on and provides you both with the chance to find something better.

However, even if you decide to move on, remember that ending a relationship is always difficult. Here are some important things to remember as you take those first steps:

• It’s crucial to put yourself first and not to worry that you are hurting someone you were in an unhealthy relationship with.
• Heed to your physical and emotional needs, and find space to heal and reinvent yourself without compromises.
• Let yourself feel sad for the end of your relationship, making it easier to address and let go.
• Seek support from caring family and friends or a therapist to help you feel heard and supported.
• Connect with yourself by staying busy and pursuing a hobby, work opportunity, or anything else you have wanted to try.
• Forgiveness is a powerful way to help you overcome the anxiety and stress of taking the step to move on.
• Self-reflection and self-awareness will help you learn from mistakes you may have made in the relationship. After all, since no one is perfect.
• Don’t let misgivings or grief take over. Find a safe space to focus, instilling positive thoughts into your mind.

5.     Seeking Professional Advice for a Failing Relationship

There are several solutions for fixing a failing marriage as long as both parties remain invested. Things couples often try include “dating” again, making their relationship a priority, learning to show appreciation, and planning quality time.

Seeking professional advice is another effective solution that can help a failing relationship. Some people try individual therapy, but couples therapy allows both partners to work through issues under guidance.

According to Talkspace, emotion-focused therapy (EFT) has proven very effective since 75% of couples report seeing an improvement in their relationship. That’s an increase from 50% seen in the past from standard therapy.

Therefore, relationship counseling therapy can work if you both want it. However, it can also help you make difficult decisions if you are still unsure if your marriage is worth saving.

6. Rebuilding Yourself After a Breakup

A breakup can feel like the end of the world. However, it’s worth rebuilding yourself after ending a relationship. You can look forward to the following:

A Healthier You – Your body can suffer from a hostile or antagonistic relationship. Decreased physical health can result in chronic conditions like high blood pressure and a slower immune system. Rebuild yourself by taking care of your health, ensuring a stronger body.

Better Mental Health – A lousy relationship is also bad for your mental health because of increased stress. It’s time to build positive interactions to reduce the negative effects on your mental health and improve your well-being.

Take the Journey into Self-Discovery – If you have fallen out of touch with yourself because you put so much effort into your toxic relationship, now is the time to chase your goals by reevaluating your priorities.

Meet New People – Now that you have more time, reconnect with your old friends and meet new people. To do this, you must return to the social scene. A fresh relationship rekindles your zest for life and fills you with new ideas and perspectives.

Self-Reflection – The extra time you have after a breakup allows you to reflect on how to create better connections in the future. Think about what made you unhappy in your previous relationship and what you should look for in a future partner.

Strength and Confidence – It takes strength and courage to say when you have had enough. Now that you have stood up for yourself, you can expect to have more confidence in your abilities as you move forward and explore new relationships.

7. Embracing the Possibility of a New Chapter

As you move out of a relationship, you can feel overwhelmed. It takes time to process the end of one chapter and embrace the possibility of a new one. But this is the perfect time to get reacquainted with yourself.

Here’s how:

• Let yourself work through all the complicated and conflicting emotions without trying to subdue them. Taking time to grieve the end of the relationship is the best way to heal faster.
• Being honest with yourself about what you suffered in your relationship is good, but don’t let yourself drown in cycles of negativity because it’s not good for your mental health.
• Think of all the positive things that the end of the relationship contributes to your life, especially the opportunity to learn more about yourself and build your confidence.
• Now is the time to do everything you left to stagnate in your relationship. Cultivate new interests and relationships, allowing you to work on getting a new identity and becoming whole again.

8. Finding Closure and Moving Forward

How do you know when a relationship is over? You now know the signs to look for that will indicate you must call your relationship a day. You have also learned how to take the first steps to moving on.

Finding closure is all about understanding why things ended. When you have the answers, you are ready to move forward. Most importantly, closure cannot come from your ex but within yourself.

There are several ways to do this. Here are some that therapists recommend:

• Don’t stop taking care of yourself. Your physical and mental well-being are imperative. Therefore, get enough sleep, eat well, and rekindle your social life.
• Write a letter thanking your ex for what you gained from the relationship and saying goodbye. The beauty of this exercise is that you don’t even need to give it to the person. Writing down your thoughts helps provide you with closure.
• Don’t follow your desire to stay at home in your pajamas or under the duvet. Use your support system to get out and celebrate your newfound freedom and feel how much you are loved.
• Recovery does not always follow a smooth path. You may deviate between feeling better and sad, something that’s very normal for healing.
• Let yourself feel and embrace your emotions; they help you become more empathetic. Talk about them to someone or write them down. Think about how this can help you in future relationships.
• Distraction is a beautiful strategy for overcoming relationship loss and finding closure. The act of being kind to someone else helps put things into perspective.
• If you feel sad, that’s okay. But, if the sadness persists too long or you cannot function well, then you must talk to a mental health professional.