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My Girlfriend Doesn't Make Me Feel Wanted (Reasons & What to Do)

Feature Image of My Girlfriend Doesn't Make Me Feel WantedYour girlfriend has other things going on in her life due to which she cannot give her best in the relationship. It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you. You must act with patience and love her the way you do. Reciprocation is never far away.

In this blog post, I will help you figure out why your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel wanted and what you should do about it.

Reasons why your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel wanted

  1. She is worried: It might not necessarily be something related to you that worries her. However, you cannot completely ignore that aspect too. If your girlfriend is worried about something, she must already spend too much energy there.
    • A person feels low when worried. The cause of worry could be personal, domestic, or related to the workspace, among others. If your girlfriend broke into a fight with one of her friends or relatives, she would be pissed off.
    • Your girlfriend might be worried about the results of an exam she sat for or her performance review. This has kept her so engaged and down that it hasn’t occurred to her that you might be feeling left out. 
    • If your girlfriend’s cycle days are up, she might be nervous. This is common with women. If she is not discussing it with you, it suggests she is pissed at you. Her annoyance could spring from various reasons, including the fact that you forgot to check on her about her dates or you tried to have unprotected intimacy with her.
    • The problem isn’t that your girlfriend isn’t making you feel wanted here. It is that she is not open to you. A bit of encouragement from your end might help to break the ice here. Feeling wanted and getting intimate comes later. The first thing is to feel comfortable with one another.
  1. She is busy: Your girl might need more time to complete her assignment by the deadline to make you feel wanted. You must not judge a person by singular actions. Judge them on their consistency.
    • Has your girlfriend stopped making you feel wanted even when you keep edging her to show how much she means to you? Do you tell her how passionately you would claim her while she is mostly silent or gives monosyllabic replies? Does it make you anxious?
    • Next time when you are at it, notice the time. Are you texting her at a reasonable hour when she might be at leisure to engage head-to-head with you? If you are getting flirtatious with her first thing in the morning, she might have to cut off her chores to please you. This is something that is not acceptable to most women or humans. 
    • Do you check on her when you initiate the conversation? Knowing how her day is going, her mood, and if she is busy or free would give you leads on how to carry on the conversation. If you are not doing these, she might think of you to be mean.
  1. She has not been feeling herself lately: Your girlfriend might be sick or undergoing a loss, and you might be clueless about it. While dating someone, we hesitate to expose our wounds all at once.
    • There is a possibility that your girlfriend is overwhelmed by a nostalgic feeling that is taking her down memory lane. Some episodes from her past might be rolling before her eyes, and she is reminded of the mistakes she might have made earlier.
    • The memories might have triggered her to slow down the relationship. She has had the tried and tested method of what happens when everything works at sky-rocketing speed.
    • Your girl might not be a person who likes to play zip-zap-zoop with people she is contemplating to build her future. If she is sick, she will try to figure out a way to cure herself and might open up about it to you later. If she is a headstrong woman, she won’t behave like a damsel in distress before you.
  1. You have been too distant: Has your girlfriend ever told you that you enjoy playing the blaming card? Do you get scared of taking responsibility for something that goes wrong? Is it your girlfriend who is not making you feel wanted, or is it you who has been too aloof?
    • We are humans. The human tendency is to overlook their mistakes while scrutinizing and wanting to punish others for their mistakes. If you started getting aloof, distant, or indifferent to your girlfriend, try to ascertain why and how your girlfriend could make you feel wanted.
    • Becoming distant in a relationship is very convenient. You don’t have to do anything about it. You stop texting first. You stop showing up. It is giving up your responsibilities all at once.
    • If you are on that page yet expect your girlfriend to please you or cross seas for you, there might not be anyone more delusional than you. Learn to practice equality in a relationship. You get what you invest. If you aren’t investing enough, the output will be in deficit.
  1. She is hiding something: Your girlfriend might be avoiding you and not making you feel wanted. She might be hiding or might have hidden something from you. Now she is afraid that the ring of truth will reach your ears. She doesn’t know how to prevent the situation and is too scared to confess it.
    • We might need to be more transparent and honest with everyone. Sometimes, we tell deliberate lies. They are either to gain favor or prevent the other person from getting hurt. Other times, the lies become situational and conditional. We cannot control the situation. 
    • Hiding something need not be hideous. It could be anything, starting from her name to her occupation to what and how she feels about you. She might be a woman on a mission who fell for you while trying to achieve her goal. She might be stuck in a  dilemma, trying to figure out how to get better off without doing much damage.
    • This treatment is characterized by withdrawal, silence, and resignation. She won’t allow her feelings to surface before you because she wants to get over it. It is playing with her sanity, and the last thing she wants to do is to lose her sanity over unwanted emotions.
  1. She doubts you: When you pose as a needy and horny boyfriend all the time, your girlfriend might be forced to doubt your character. She might even grow sick of your behavior. She might feel that no matter what she does to please you, it is never enough.
    • Girls always have a deep-seated fear that all that guys want from them is to get into their pants. While making your girl feel horny and sexy is alright, talking about making out all the time is not. 
    • Change the direction of your conversation to make your girl feel more assured. Talk about wellness, health, beauty, literature, politics, or climate, if you will. Just give her a change from all the sentimentality of dating. Refer to people around and about you. Your relationship has to have more factors for it to expand into something bigger and lasting. 
  1. She is not a pro in the book of romance: If you are dating an amateur or are the first love of her life, she will think of you differently. You would play much wider roles than being the means to satiate her sexual needs.
    • A common observation noticed among the first timers is that they are either too keen to get laid and therefore always referring to the brilliant possibilities of the act, or they are far away from wanting to get laid.
    • The latter might be due to performance anxiety, fear, body shaming, or other reasons. Women take time to accept their sexuality and engage in sexual behavior. 
    • If this is your case, the way out of it is to be patient. Understand her needs and wants. It is not necessary that her needs would be sexual. She might want someone she can trust blindfolded. When she begins to trust you, she will do all it takes to please you. 
  1. You don’t encourage her: When she makes a move in the conversation, but you don’t encourage her, she might feel that she is doing it wrong and drop the idea altogether. This communication gap is created when we fail to acknowledge and appreciate the gestures.
    • While you might feel it is too much to forever send affirmations and encouragement to one person for making a move on you, she might still feel it is not enough. This happens when you have had different past experiences. 
    • Our upbringing, friend circles, and relationships have been in dictate and molded our future conduct. We set our expectation and either raise the bar too high or bring it too low. We need to remember to realize the need to find a balance between the two.
    • You must attain a zone with your romantic partner where there is no tug-of-war between you. These things are done out of willingness and pleasure. To inhabit this space, you must make slow and swift moves to make her feel comfortable with you.
  1. You have many female friends: If you have many female friends and flirt openly with them, your girlfriend might have low complexity. She might even feel there is no difference between them and her if you treat all women equally.
    • A woman is always conscious around her guy’s friends. She becomes more so when these friends are female. She will notice their looks, stares, makeup, and how you talk to them.
    • If you are over-friendly with the lot or take the liberty to praise them or hold them by their waist, your girlfriend will get seriously offended. Having female friends is harmless until you know how to maintain boundaries and protocols. 
    • Your girlfriend should feel proud that you chose her above all the other women you have in your life. She should not have an iota of doubt regarding anything otherwise. Try to understand if she likes public displays of affection. If she does, kiss her before all women to show them their place and hers.
  1. Her ex is texting her: Perhaps your girlfriend is disturbed and unable to focus on you because all her attention has been directed towards someone else. This someone could be her ex. You will have to find out if he is bothering her.
    • You cannot ask her straight about her ex. You need some base or clues to see if that is the case. You can check her phone or ask her to open up if something is troubling her. 
    • If you feel it is too soon and you haven’t reached that level of maturity in the relationship yet where you can be direct and in each other shoes, or your empath game isn’t strong, deal patiently with one another. 
  1. She is out of love for you: Love is elusive. It doesn’t last long if you don’t keep nourishing it. If you have been acting with negligence or taken her for granted, it won’t be long before you realize that you have lost her love forever.
    • Some truths don’t get less bitter with age. When you fail to show up at the right place at the right time or when you keep a door locked for a long time, it will begin to rust. 
    • Similarly, if you don’t express or fail to express what a person means to you if you fail to show them their beauty from your eyes, even if you love them with your all, it would not be enough.
  1. She never loved you: Some people live half their life in a relationship without realizing they never loved them dearly. They were with them because it was easy. But when they stumble upon that one person who breathes life with all its freshness into them, they realize what they have been missing.
    • You are in a pickle when you don’t feel completely alive when you meet the person you call your lover or beloved. The feeling of spending time with your love must surpass all other feelings. 
    • When an overpowering emotion is not capturing you with both arms, there is something wrong with the equation. You might be living a lie where you are carrying things onward just for the sake of it. 

What should you do when your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel wanted?

  1. Show her love: If your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel wanted, you do it to her. When we treat others generously and show them the right behavior, they will not hesitate in outpouring their love on us.
    • While love should not be considered a competition, the thought that one might invest more than the other might cross our minds. In the matters of love and making the relationship sustainable, being economical doesn’t help.
    • You should not work in extremes. Instead, be in a balanced mode. When someone is special to you, don’t hesitate to make them feel the same. It might be because they are still processing it.
    • Love has become such a delusional and obsolete concept that people prefer vibing to loving. Hence, such hiccups appear even when you know you are made for each other.
    • This is when it becomes essential that you love them more than the optimal level to succumb them out of their shell into your zone. That is when they will learn to love you with their all.
  1. Try flirting over messages: When your girlfriend doesn’t make you feel wanted, give her overtly created prompts that spell out how much you desire her. Once she engages in the prompts, she will learn how to excel at them.
    • The initiation of semi-inclined conversation runs smoothly when the participants are drunk. But it gets difficult when both are conscious and trying to reduce the distance at the virtual level. 
    • Flirting over messages at a superficial level is attainable, but to be hardcore at it, comes with difficulty. 
    • Hence, when you give prompts, your girlfriend will get clues on how to do it. Moreover, this will also make it easier in person, as you can use the opportunity to guide her on how you want to be treated.
  1. Confront her: If your girlfriend abruptly stops making you feel wanted, you should confront her to understand if something is going wrong.
    • Your approach should neither be challenging nor apologetic. It should be an expression wherein you want to understand the situation, seek an explanation, and provide one if due. 
    • Confronting rings a negative bell in the minds of most people. However, the intent here is resolvent. Make it clear before initiating the conversation that you want to "sort things out as something feels off lately." 
  1. Appreciate her: If you had let her down by not appreciating her in words and gestures when the time and opportunity were due, it is high time you mend your ways.
    • Showing how much you appreciate a person in your life is always encouraging. It radiates good vibes. 
    • You can appreciate her by kissing her forehead, gifting her trinkets, and bringing breakfast to her in bed. 
    • Make your move as per your understanding of your girlfriend's desire. Most women's hearts would melt with a personalized gesture. Do something customized that has a ring of romantic expression.
  1. Take her out: If you do not get to spend quality time together, your girlfriend might behave morosely for obvious reasons. You need a change in setting now and then to add flavor to your romance.
    • You can either plan a date with her in the old school way. The location could be by the beach, the rooftop, the car, or your favorite restaurant. It will enable you to gather good vibes. You would be able to talk your heart out and spend time romantically.
    • You could also plan a staycation. If she agrees, it would mean that everything is going fine between you. The unwanted space that might have been created due to a busy work schedule would get a break too.
  1. Introspect: Sometimes, we don’t realize the error we are making. We do it so unconsciously that we take ourselves to be innocent. However, our words, remark, comment, or lack thereof might create a disbalance of sorts.
    • Try recalling the moment when your girlfriend stopped putting effort, taking you for granted, and making you feel desired. When you can locate the precise moment, recall what you might have said or done that might have resulted in this aloof behavior.
    • To cross-check whether it is the thing that has upset her, mention something related to that day or event before her. Depending upon her reaction, you would understand whether or not she is pissed off at you.
  1. Have patience: Most of the time, the problem gets resolved or comes to the surface if you allow it some time. Even if you keep it as your last resort, it will bring you answers. However, remember to take action at that moment.
    • When the right time and opportunity knock at the door, it is important to grab it. It is more important to be thoughtful in your gesture. Your girlfriend should know that whatever might have passed by would not repeat itself. You would have a similar expectation from her. Be together in whatever you decide to do. 


Here are a few things to keep in mind:

  • Don’t come across as a needy boyfriend. The desperation stinks. It won’t attract the girl towards you but keep her away. An irritable person is never admired. All shall fare well when you are gentlemanly and courteous in your behavior. 
  • Don’t hesitate to communicate your needs and preferences to your girlfriend. The best way of doing it is by encouraging her to do the same. When she tells you what she likes and how she wants things to be, you will be able to do the same.
  • Never lie to your girlfriend. Nothing is uglier than the garment of lies. Your girlfriend must feel safe with you. She must be sure of trusting you. If she is getting distant, you have handed her down the reason. Work on mending it at once.

About the Author

Suprity Acharyya

Suprity is the editor-in-chief of Relationshippp and its parent site RelationshipExplained. She overlooks the end-to-end editorial publishing pipeline. She has a Bachelor's Degree in English and did her Master's in Social Welfare Management.
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