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My Boyfriend Has No Life Outside of Me - Is it Weird? (& Solution)

Feature Image of My Boyfriend Has No Life Outside of MeYour boyfriend is an introvert who is completely immersed in your love. He feels that you cherish him. There might be regret at the back of his mind for meeting you so late in life. Hence, he is trying to make all his life about you.

In this blog post, I'll help you ascertain why your boyfriend does not have a life outside you. I'll further suggest ways in which you can help him to socialize more.

Reasons why your boyfriend does not have a life outside of you

  1. Your boyfriend is an introvert: He doesn’t like socializing because he is an introvert. He can count his friends at his fingertips. They are limited, but they are trustworthy.
    • The chances are high that he has told his friends about you, and they know how emotionally he is invested in you.
    • However, his friends might be like him, sharing his traits. They prefer chatting to talking over call and meeting virtually than getting out of their house.
    • They are not party freaks and like keeping their distance from noisy places. Even when he takes you out, notice that he prefers cafes to pubs. He likes to find a cozy corner where the sunbeam could pierce through the curtains.
  1. You are his first love: He is obsessed with you because you are the first love of his life. He has become obsessed with you over time. The sight of you makes him happy.
    • A lover obsessed with the beloved is common among couples. While one person is fixated on the other, the latter might not share the same enthusiasm for the former. 
    • Reciprocity in love is rare. One might more than often find the other smothering them in love so much that they begin to complain and find ways to escape it. 
    • You must bear patience in such cases. Try to understand why he is behaving in this way. You overexcite him. There is a high chance that he feels desiccated at the sight of you. 
    • He is in awe. If you are looking for something casual, tell him at once. He must not be under any false impressions. Toying around with someone’s heart should not be your goal.
  1. He is not ambitious: There might be a slight chance though it is probable, that your boyfriend isn’t as ambitious a man as an arduous lover. He might not always have been so, but since you invaded his heart, he has halted in the line of his work.
    • Men like to work for a reason. There is always something that keeps them moving forward. It might be that your boyfriend has stopped working as much as he used to because he has either achieved enough for his age or feels so proud to have you by his side that he is successful enough.
    • Take opportunities to talk about what you admire in each other. Tell him that you like your man ambitious. Ask him about his newer goals and plans. Show him a direction, and he might choose to surprise you by meeting your expectations.
    • Learn to use your words craftily. It should not be biting and succeed in making its point. Try to understand the language of your man. If he hears to understand you when you are in bed, then do that.
  1. He can’t believe his luck: If your man is suffering from an inferiority complex, he might try to make a world out of you. He will work relentlessly to keep you happy if he feels that you're too hot for him, or it is a generally accepted notion.
    • While he might think that you think good of him, that might not be the case. Hence, it is important to make your annoyance palpable. There is no good in suffering solitary. It is worse to make other people feel you find their desperation delightful.
    • Show him the importance of having self-respect. Being too modest is hardly rewarding. If he is submissive to you, make him realize that he misses lots of fun.
    • Push him into taking control at times. It will help him open up, overcome the bizarre sense of awareness, and feel more liberated.
  1. He is too insecure: Some people have in their nature to feel insecure. It is when they deny believing their luck. Such people consider themselves part of the miserable lot, and they feel that no matter what they do, they will always end up losing the person or thing they value.
    • Such a deep-seated notion of insecurity is due to some tragic happenings. You can’t blame them for it. You must instead help them overcome it. 
    • They might have lost someone in their past or perhaps more than one to death. They feel that whoever they hold dear is meant to be stolen away from them. Hence they fear losing you at many levels. 
    • It is better to assure them as and when needed. 
  1. He strongly advocates co-dependency: Your boyfriend might want to make you a part of his life. He wants you to be engaged in everything he does. This is why you feel he has no life out of you.
    • Your boyfriend feels that doing things together will bring you closer. He is someone who likes to cook together, eat together, shop together, and so forth.
    • He might video call you every morning and brush his teeth while on call. He might invite you home to help him fix the breakfast. 
    • Such men are husband material. They like to get so homely that they forget to leave space for one to breathe individually. It's like they want to share the same breath that you breathe.
    • If you dislike such men, you might not be able to thrive in this relationship. Adjustments have limits, and if his nature is such, then even if he fixes himself, it shall be temporary.
  1. It's his way of avoiding fights: Your boyfriend doesn’t like a fussy girlfriend. Hence, he prefers not to give his girlfriend any opportunity to complain.
    • You won’t feel insecure with him because he spends all his time with you. You won’t say that he is not pampering you or he is too full of himself because his life revolves around you. 
    • Such men are to be treasured because they are faithful, and unless you decide to break their hearts, they won’t abandon you.
    • Hence it becomes important that you stick by them only because you genuinely love them. If you are unsure about what you want to do with such a man, you better make up your mind before making him hopeful.
  1. He will soon propose to you: If your man has suddenly started making his life about you, he wants to assure you that his life revolves around you.
    • He would only want to do that when planning something big with you. This could be spending life with you. 
    • If he dreams of proposing to you to become his roommate or life partner, he will get obsessed with you.
    • Spending more time with you will help him understand your routine. Many times we like someone superficially. 
    • But wanting to live life with them needs more than mere liking. Your way of life must be synchronous with one another. You must be able to function with each other rather than live all by yourself. 
    • The range of likes, dislikes, and preferences must match or be close to each other to live together. Nothing is perfect, but your pair of imperfections must be such that it enables both of you to function together.
  1. He is forcing you to make it official: Your boyfriend nags you because he is after you to make the relationship official. He feels that it will give him a sense of security. He will be able to call you his in front of others.
    • This usually happens when your boyfriend doesn’t trust you enough. He must have a sense of anxiety if you have many male friends. 
    • If you talk about your male friends cheerfully to your boyfriend or know intricate details about them, your boyfriend might feel uncomfortable. He might feel that you treat him the same way you treat your male friends. 
  1. He is too caring: You misunderstand your boyfriend simply too caring for you. He doesn’t want to let you be. He wants to make you feel special.
    • When we spend too much time with our parents or siblings, there are moments we get annoyed. It doesn’t mean that we don’t love them or they don’t love us. This is something that happens when you spend too much time with someone. 
    • The case holds when you spend too much time with the love of your life. However, there were moments when you wanted nothing else. But overindulgence in anything is bad. 
    • It is better to stay at bay, on edge, and excited than to be too open to acceptance. Throwing tantrums is harmless. If you feel your boyfriend is getting on your nerves, rather than growing distant, calm him down. 
    • If you feel spending a day with him might give him some reassurance and compose his nerves, do it.

What should you do when your boyfriend doesn't have a life outside of you?

  1. Tell him how you feel about it: Communication must be unhindered, thoughtful, and effective. When something troubles you, the right way to fix it is to talk it out.
    • Share your feelings, and be polite when you do it. If it comes out of agitation, your boyfriend will get annoyed too. It should come from creating a better understanding and strengthening the relationship.
    • Your approach should be based on timing and proximate than not merely guided by its urgency. Rather than asking him to lend his ears, look for the right time when he will be willing to listen more and talk less.
  1. Explain the importance of self-dependent: In the current generation, there is nothing more rewarding than being independent. Your love should not rely on the degree of dependency. It should be broader than that.
    • It should be more about working in self-improvement to be the best version of your partner than to help your partner in being the best version of themselves.
    • When you work on yourself, your partner will be inspired. Lead by example. Don’t make tall talks and let them wander.
    • Show your boyfriend the importance of being self-dependent. Tell him it is the most attractive quality you find in a person. 
  1. Go out on double dates: When your boyfriend is willing to go out with no one else but you, organize a double date by inviting your friends too.
    • One fun aspect of dating is that you don’t feel left out with your committed friends. You can tag along with them by asking your partner to accompany you, and there would be no room for awkwardness. 
    • It would bring a good opportunity to socialize. You will also be able to get mushy without worrying about different pairs of eyes checking you out since the gang would be doing the same thing.
  1. Introduce him to your friends: If your boyfriend doesn’t have many friends or is new in the city, you can help him by introducing him to your friends. It will give you an idea about his socializing skills. How he behaves with you and before others will help you understand his nature better.
    • Introducing your boyfriend to your friend is doubly beneficial. It will give him a perspective about the people you hang out with. He would know your choice and preference. 
    • He would also understand what it is to be out of the four walls with you. Whether you blush or get excited, how comfortable you feel around him or how you introduce him to your friends will take you a long way.
    • How you come across as a couple and what other people feel about you are also important. When you show him around in your friend group, how they find him and whether they feel you make up a good pair will help buy you confidence.
  1. Tell him the importance of friendship: If your boyfriend is more of a homely person, have a dialogue on the importance of friendship.
    • Tell him why having someone besides family and girlfriend is needed. It helps to keep off loneliness and boredom. It strengthens your networking and helps you become a resourceful and well-connected person. 
    • To make things permanent in life, friendship is a great way to start. If you were friends before you started dating, he should be able to see your point.
    • If you were not friends but got attracted to each other at first sight, tell him you want to be friends with him too.
  1. Talk to him about colleagues: You must have a faint idea about the people your boyfriend works with. Getting to know his colleagues, even if most of them are geeks, will make a wholesome circle.
    • Take the instance of Penny and Leonard. While Leonard had limited friends, Penny made herself comfortable around them. It took time, patience, effort, and understanding. But with time, Penny’s friends found a way out with Leonard’s friends, and eventually, they became a close knitted group of people. 
    • Consider insisting on watching Big Bang Theory together, which is when you bring up this point. When he watches it happen, and if he grows a fondness for the characters, he will appreciate your point.
  1. Suggest he take a trip with family: If you want a break from your boyfriend, suggest he go on a vacation. It could be a solo trip, a visit to his native place, or backpacking with his friends.
    • It will give you time and space to breathe and think. You would feel yourself to be your person again. The vacation will make him less obsessive with you. He will realize that he can enjoy life even in your absence. 
    • Design the itinerary after well researching the place. Make special arrangements and visit him for midweek to give him a surprise. It will be worth it.
  1. Limit your meetings: When you are overwhelmed by your boyfriend, tell him you are busy and limit your meetings. It is always good to mark boundaries when you see the need.
    • A temporary distance is better than a permanent one. It can be that you stay connected. It only means you are spending only some of the time getting mushy with each other. 
    • It would also help to become more understanding and respectful towards one another. 
    • You will be appreciated, for you have a life of your own. You will be able to appreciate his company more when you meet him not so frequently.
  1. Encourage him to be more ambitious: Asking him directly about his plans and dreams will urge him to move forward and work on them. This, in turn, will keep him busy.
    • Share with your boyfriend your plans. While you must live today in the spirit of carpe diem, it doesn’t mean you would not be futuristic and prudent.
    • Show him that you are an ambitious woman who dislikes getting wasted. You believe in hard work and discipline. 
    • Give him an understanding of your personality. Once he knows the kind of woman he is dating, he will tailor his suit accordingly or understand that you are out of his league.
  1. Let him be: Eventually, he might get bored and stop with the obsessive behavior. You may choose to give him warnings against getting hyper-obsessed. Explain to him instances that hyper obsessiveness causes things to end at a skyrocketing speed as fast as they had begun.
    • Most people, in their excitement, need help understanding the need to keep momentum and make a steady pace. They start with the extreme level of ten and have a sudden uninterrupted skyfall to level zero. 
    • Tell him that you want to take things slow because you want this to work. If he wants the same, he is certain to slow down his steps.


Few things to remember:

  • Your guy must be working in tech. The job must be exhausting. After working, he doesn’t feel like spending time with you. He treasures you. 
  • When you don’t feel that your boyfriend is your life, world, and lifeline, it means you are not so much in love with him. While the reciprocation in love is never the same, it should not be completely different, lest it is one-sided.
  • He might get disheartened if you convey your feelings about your guy directly. Hence exercising proper articulation of words and using light-hearted humor to prevent the situation from getting tense or out of control is essential.
  • Try to understand the importance of love and appreciate it. Running away is very easy because, deep inside, we fear getting too attached and exposing our vulnerabilities. However, it is a beautiful experience, especially when you are more at the receiving end. 
  • You don’t want to understand its importance after the loss. Work on your relationship. Treasure the ones who love you. It is rare to get loved selfishly. Become greedy for your partner.

About the Author

Suprity Acharyya

Suprity is the editor-in-chief of Relationshippp and its parent site RelationshipExplained. She overlooks the end-to-end editorial publishing pipeline. She has a Bachelor's Degree in English and did her Master's in Social Welfare Management.
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