When a Guy Asks What Are You Looking for (Reasons & How to React)

In this article, we will discuss why and when a guy asks you what you want. You will also learn how to answer that question appropriately. Read on.

Reasons why a guy asks what you are looking for

1. He wants to know what kind of person you like: A guy could ask you what you are looking for when he wants to know what kind of person you like. He just wants the information.
   • A guy wants to know what kind of person you like, probably because he is interested in you. He wants to know about the kind of partner you prefer.
   • He wants to know what you are looking for in a partner so that he can decide if he is perfect for you. It is true that he has already fallen for you, but he still wants to know what you are looking for because he wants a compatible relationship.
   • The guy is a very practical person in the sense that he puts compatibility over love. Love can fade away with time, but when one gets into a compatible relationship, it can stay forever.
   • He wants to know what you want before pursuing you. He won’t make you feel uncomfortable trying to impress you even when you do not want him as a partner. He will only ask you out if he is absolutely sure about your feelings.

2. He likes you: A guy asks you what you are looking for when he likes you. He wants to know your type. He wants to see if he is suitable for you.
   • He asked you what you are looking for because he likes you. He wants to know if you feel the same about him.
   • He has already started to pursue you. You will be able to see that if you observe him carefully.
   • His romantic feelings for you do not ensure a successful relationship. He asked you what you want because he wanted to know what your type is and if he falls into that category.
   • He could also ask you this question when he wants to know if you are his type. He likes you, but an assurance that you could be the perfect person to pursue would be a little comfortable for him.
   • He asked you this because he wants to see if he is suitable for you and vice versa. Romantic feelings do not mean two people will be suitable for each other. Direct questions like this help clear the fog.

3. He wants to know if you like him: He asked you what you are looking for because he wants to know if you like him. He is too shy to ask you the question directly.
   • He probably likes you and wants to know if you like him too. That is why he asked you what you are looking for.
   • He is too shy to have a direct conversation with you about mutual romantic feelings. The fact that he asked you what you want indicates that he wants to know if you have feelings for him.
   • This can happen when he thinks he has received romantic signals from you. Something about your behavior or words has convinced him that you are interested in him, and that is why he wants to know what is in your heart.
   • Your answer to his question would determine the kind of relationship you will have with him. He wants to be sure before he makes a move.

4. He wants to know what kind of relationship you are looking for: He wants to know the type of relationship you are looking for. He could be asking this for himself or a friend.
   • He asked you what you are looking for to know the kind of relationship you prefer. He will act according to what you say.
   • He might ask this if he has feelings for you. He wants to be one hundred percent sure about your requirements. He does not want to waste his time pursuing you only to find you are not interested in romantic relationships.
   • The guy might ask you this question on behalf of a friend. His friend is interested in you but is too shy to ask you out or even talk to you in person.
   • The guy could be playing matchmaker. He probably thinks you are the perfect match for his friend. He asked you what you were looking for because he wanted to be sure about your intention before reaching out to his friend.

5. He wants to know if you guys are on the same page: This is applicable when you guys have been dating for a while. He wants to know if you are on the same page.
   • Dating is not always perfect, as shown in romantic comedies. Real life is difficult, as dating can lead to more dead ends than you think. He asked you what you are looking for because of one such dead end.
   • When you guys have only been on two or three dates, it becomes difficult to make serious decisions that could lead to a relationship. Someone has to take the first step. In your case, he is doing it by asking you a difficult question.
   • He wants to check if you are on the same page as him. He is not sure about what you want from this relationship. He is quite clear about what he wants and might reveal it once you answer his question.

6. He heard something about your preferences from someone: Someone told him something about your relationship preferences. He wants to check if it is true.
   • He heard rumors about you, and the awkward question resulted from that. Someone must have told him something about your relationship preferences.
   • The question does not mean he believes other people over you. He just wants to be doubly sure about the relationship he is in.
   • If this is a new relationship, it is normal for him not to have absolute trust in you. He just heard something about you that he thinks is believable. The good thing is that he came to you to learn the truth instead of making a rash decision to end the relationship.
   • This relationship is just beginning. He is allowed to be a little skeptical about things now. However, if this continues later, you will have to rethink your decisions.

7. He just wants a physical relationship: He is asking you this question because he wants a physical relationship. He wants to check if you want it too.
   • He wants it to be physical. There is nothing wrong with it. He asked what you were looking for because he wanted to come clean before getting into a relationship.
   • He wants to see if you are okay with being friends with benefits. He will respect your decision even if you reject his advances.
   • He is a gentle person who is considerate of people’s feelings. He respects consent, and that is why he asked you the question before acting on his carnal desires.

How to react when a guy asks what you are looking for?

1. Tell him if you like him: Let him know if you like him. That is why he asked you what you are looking for.
   • Be straightforward about your feelings. Tell him if you like him so that both of you can decide what to do next.
   • Acting coy is a thing of the past now. You need to communicate more if you want your life to be smooth.
   • Having a conversation with him about how you feel will expedite the relationship. He asked you what you were looking for so that he could plan his moves.

2. Ask him what he wants: Instead of answering his question, you can ask him what he wants.  His answer will help you precisely answer the question you have been asked.
   • You can ask him what he wants. This will help you understand his intention (only if he answers honestly).
   • Asking him the same question will reveal the reason why he asked you the question. He may or may not answer honestly. But even in case of a dishonest answer, you will be able to catch his lie with a keen observation. The answer to your question will be clear if he lies.
   • However, if he answers honestly, it will help you decide what to do next and whether you want to be in this relationship or not. Answering his question will be easier when you know what he wants from you.
   • Asking him what he wants will help you structure your answer accordingly. For example, if he asked you what you want for a friend, you can decide whether or not to move forward with the conversation.

3. Let him know if you want to be friends with benefits: If you are up for a physical relationship with no strings attached, let him know that you can be friends with benefits. There is nothing wrong with it unless you are cheating on someone.
   • Physical relationships with no strings attached are not for everyone. It requires a very different kind of mindset. One should be doubly sure about such a relationship before getting into it.
   • You can let him know if you are into a physical relationship that is only confined to amorous acts behind closed doors.
   • He asked you what you are looking for, probably because he wants a physical relationship with no strings attached. The question proves that he is not willing to keep you in the dark about his intentions. That is a good sign.
   • You can go for it if you are up for it. Being friends with benefits has its perks and limitations. But if you always choose to look at the bright side, it has more perks than limitations.
   • A relationship like this will help you focus on your life without worrying about a serious relationship. It will satisfy you physically whenever you need it. Relationships like this often act as great stress-busters as long as people do not fall in love.
   • However, you will have to stick to your decision if you want this to work. Try not to fall in love with the guy with whom you are friends with benefits. You need to keep the relationship strictly confined behind closed doors.

4. Check if you guys are on the same page: Try to check if you guys are on the same page. You can’t date someone blindly without knowing their intention.
   • Being on the same page is a priority when it comes to romantic relationships. Check if you are on the same page as him relationship-wise.
   • He asked you what you were looking for because he wanted to check your intention. You will have to do the same if you wish to be in a balanced relationship.
   • You can encourage him to talk about himself. That would help you get important information to help you make your decision. His words can let you know whether you guys are on the same page or not.
   • A balanced relationship requires the people involved in it to be on the same page. You guys need to synchronize. Your thoughts need to coincide (while retaining individuality). Such an equation is quite difficult to find.
   • If you think you have met a great person, check if you guys are on the same page to determine if he is perfect for you. The quest for “the one” is a long and tiring one. But when you find what you are looking for, it is all bliss and fun.

5. Be honest and don’t play with his emotions: If you do not intend to be with him, do not play with his emotions. Be honest with your answer, even if it disappoints him. Disappointment is better than deception.
   • The decision whether to be in a relationship with him is totally up to you. Take time to make your decision. Do not play with his feelings.
   • Your fickle-mindedness can be the cause of someone’s mental health issues. Playing with his emotions can plunge him deep into lifelong commitment issues that will affect his future relationships.
   • Do not shy away from speaking your heart out. Your shyness can cost him his mental health. Say what you think about him.
   • A rejection from you might hurt him momentarily, but it is the best for both of you in the long run. An unhappy relationship followed by a breakup is more difficult to deal with than instant rejection.
   • You will have to get out of your comfort zone if you are afraid of disappointing people. You can’t make everyone happy. Some people will always get disappointed on the way.
   • Think about your mental health. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone you do not like just because you feel bad? Feeling bad is not a valid reason to be with someone.
   • Rip off the band-aid and tell him how you really feel. It will make him upset for a few days. Swift actions like this often help people move on quickly.

6. Talk to him about your relationship preferences: Have a conversation about what you like and what you do not. Having a discussion about relationship preferences is important at the beginning of any healthy relationship.
   • A relationship should be full of clarity. He wants things to be transparent between you two, which is why he asked what you are looking for.
   • Have a conversation with him about your relationship preferences. It is a necessity because it makes you guys know each other better.
   • The conversation, however, should not be unidirectional. Both of you should participate in it. Dialogues are necessary for the early stage of a relationship. Monologues often lead to future misunderstandings.
   • Talk about your likes and dislikes, and allow him to speak his heart out. Create a safe space for him to talk. He should not have inhibitions during conversations like this.

7. Have an open conversation about the kind of guys you like: Try to have an open conversation about the kind of people you like to date. If things match, it is a green signal, and you are good to go.
   • As we have discussed earlier, communication is the key to a balanced relationship. You need to talk to him about the kind of guys you like when he asks you what you are looking for.
   • Talk to him about the kind of guys you like. You can even discuss your past relationships. Most people shy away from doing that because they think that might have a negative effect on their potential relationship. However, talking about past mistakes and unpleasant experiences can help you deal with the new relationship in a better way.
   • Tell him exactly what he wants to hear. He asked you the question because he wanted to know if he had a shot. He is probably too shy to ask direct questions.
   • Observe him, and if you feel he is the right guy, tell him how you feel without inhibitions. He could be shy, but that does not mean you have to be shy too. Your straightforward approach could spur the relationship you guys have been looking for.
   • Do not shy away from telling him that he is not the one for you if you do not like him romantically. The harsh truth is always better than a sugar-coated lie.
   • The existence of a future relationship depends on these conversations. You guys need to be serious about this. Do not waste time beating around the bush when you can discuss important things that would actually matter.

Tips

A few things to remember:

• He probably likes you and wants to know what kind of person you like. He wants to check if he fits in.
• He wants to know if you like him. Based on your answer to his question, he will make the next move.
• He knows what consent is and respects boundaries. That is probably why he has asked you what you are looking for before diving into the relationship.
• He does not want to make you feel uncomfortable with all the activities that accompany the act of pursuing a love interest. He wants to know if you are interested in him before he starts doing all that.
• He will respect boundaries even if he wants a physical relationship with no strings attached. The question he asked proves that he will never sleep with you and disappear. He will only get physical with you when he has your consent.
• Extensive conversations are necessary when he asks questions like this. You guys need to understand each other to be in a balanced relationship. A botched-up relationship would cost you your mental health.
• You need to check if you guys are on the same page. Talk to him about your relationship preferences and your likes and dislikes. Share little bits of your life with him and encourage him to do the same if he wants. However, do not force him to do or say things he does not want.
• Try to be as honest as you can with him, and do not play with his emotions. Think about how you would feel if he did the same to you. Do not hurt his feelings, as that might make him pay weekly visits to the therapist’s office for the rest of his life.
• Dishonestly in relationships often causes trust issues. If you do not want to be in a relationship with him, do not shy away from talking about that with him. You need to end things as soon as you can to cause minimum damage to his mind as well as yours.