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My Boyfriend Always Jokingly Insults Me (Here's How to Deal With)

Feature Image of My Boyfriend Always Jokingly Insults MeYour boyfriend feels he is becoming “cool” when he insults you. He fails to realize the emotional damage it is bringing upon your relationship. It would be appropriate to give him a stern word against it at the earliest to clear away the cloud of doubts.

In this blog post, I will help you understand why your boyfriend might risk insulting you humorously and how you could deal with the situation.

Reasons why your boyfriend jokingly insults you

  1. He thinks he is being funny: Your boyfriend does not realize what he is doing. He feels it is all done in good humor. Everybody laughs, and perhaps your boyfriend cannot see the pain beneath your laughter.
    • If you never used to mind the words and actions of your boyfriend before, or if you used to be great friends with your boyfriend before, he might be slow in learning that the conduct gets more modified with the change in the equation.
    • Your boyfriend is trying to be the same awkward self that he was before. He might be thinking that you should not feel that he has changed as a person. That is the fun part of dating your friend.
    • However, if you feel that your boyfriend is crossing limits when he is talking to you, perhaps politely mention it. Once he is aware that certain things you don’t like and behavior you don’t approve of, he will be more careful the next time.
  1. It helps him boast about his masculinity: If you are dating a patronizing figure, he would have his round of delight at your cost. He is the product of patriarchy, and he might feel it is fine to insult people he loves because he loves them.
    • Many things are wrong with people, especially those who feel they have the right to misbehave owing to their gender. This stands true for both all across genders.
    • Herein comes the importance of feminism. A feminist can tell black from white. They never confuse the binaries. They are more empathetic towards others. 
    • Try to understand the basis on which your boyfriend is insulting you. Are the words biting because it is true? Where does it put you in the situation? Do you feel helpless in the situation? Is it something that you cannot change?
    • Do you think your boyfriend has resorted to insulting you jokingly because you don’t give weight to his words otherwise? Have you been rude to him lately or ignored his requests? The reason why sarcasm has become such a popular tool again in the 21st century is that people have become more aware. 
    • The awareness about self and others has made us more conscious of the words spoken about us. It was not so always. Some years back, people were not used to taking every word by heart.
  1. You are too submissive: If you have always allowed your guy to dominate you, he is misusing the liberty to toy with your emotions. Either you are too submissive, or he has taken you to be one. However, you must break this notion.
    • A frequent difficulty with lovers is who will control who. There is a power play that goes on between the two. The unnamed tussle makes one assume things. If you are mostly quiet or don’t speak up when and where you should, you would be considered a submissive person.
    • People make fun of the quiet ones because it is easy. However, these people are mostly outsiders and not the ones you hold dear. Hence when your boyfriend jokingly insults you, it indicates that he is indifferent to your emotions. 
    • The last thing you would want in life is to date someone whose emotional intelligence is zero. A strong affinity, understanding, and mutual respect are significant in a relationship without which the relation cannot function for long.
  1. He doesn’t take you seriously: Your boyfriend behaves like a bufoon before you because either he is too dumb or he doesn’t take you seriously. If it's the former, your choice of guys is not good; if it's the latter, you must take steps to make him do otherwise.
    • Confront him by telling him to expect civilized, courteous, and gentlemanly conduct from your boyfriend and that you would settle for nothing else.
    • Make him taste his poison. Insult him the way he insults you. If he does it in public, don’t be too shy not to do it at the same place and time. 
    • If you keep quiet, he will get encouragement. The last thing you want to do when your boyfriend insults you jokingly is encouraged him.
    • If he does it in public, either make a biting remark by saying that it is on him that you behave in that way. One way or the other, he will understand that you do not approve of him and mend his behavior.
  1. He has an ill sense of humor: If you are dating a guy who has a dark sense of humor or is a pervert, you will have to bear with him a good deal rather than take it all by heart.
    • Ask yourself what you found attractive in this guy in the first place. Was it the way he courted you? Was it his sense of humor? Was it the way he pleased you?
    • Is there something that has changed in him since he started dating you? Has he become a better man or worse? What role have you played in this?
    • Give your love a purpose. It must always be to better things for yourself and your partner. If either of you is not taking the ladder up or has a sense of stagnation, you must pause and think.
    • Going for counseling can help you pinpoint where things are going wrong. It will bring you a sense of clarity. You will be able to function better together, and your efficiency at work will double. 
  1. He is indignant: It could be due to how he was raised. His bringing up might have been such that he witnessed such episodes frequently. We must not judge a book by its cover.
    • Appearances are deceptive. It is not until we talk to the person, get to know them close, get into their skin, and understand their train of thought that we would know them inside out. 
    • Spending some time in knowing each other before beginning to date is sensible. Knowing to live with each other’s flaws is more important than appreciating each other’s strengths. 
    • If your boyfriend’s behavior makes you feel like an outsider to him, you must pause before you decide to level up. Don’t invest yourself so much in a toxic relationship that when the right person shows up, you have nothing left to offer.
  1. You seem to enjoy it: If you give hearty laughter every time your boyfriend insults you, it will mislead him into believing you enjoy it. He would do it on repeat because it is easily done, and he is under the impression that you not only don’t mind but also enjoy it.
    • Laughter and tears have more important roles o play in life than we assigned them. They must not be used carelessly to help you escape an embarrassing situation. You must do it with surety or when it comes out naturally.
    • It is acceptable to be curt when the other person’s behavior goes beyond tolerance. When sweet urges are to no good, use harsh words before completely giving up on the person.
  1. He finds you annoying: Your boyfriend is out of love for you. He is treating you like this so that you break up with him.
    • While dating, couples find it difficult to voice their true feelings when they stop to see the sparkle in their partner's eyes. 
    • The one person who used to mean the world to them stopped meaning anything for unknown reasons. 
    • They can't blame you because you have been loyal to them. There are no hiccups except that there is no love, either.
    • To them, at least, you have become an obligation that they don't feel to fulfill anymore.
    • This is when their accumulated indifference or unreasonable dislike manifests itself in words that bite. 
    • You don't understand what went wrong where because only time is to be blamed. Perhaps a little more effort was needed than either of you has given from your respective ends. 
    • To keep the desire burning, to keep the love glowing, consistent action to please, delight, and keep happy and horny is required.
  1. You cheated on him: If you cheated on your boyfriend, and you either confessed your guilt and apologized for it or you are trying to hide it from him, your boyfriend might be mad at you and decide to insult you at every opportunity he gets.
    • A guilty conscience can be the reason that is keeping you tongue-tied. You cannot say anything when your boyfriend insults you because, deep inside, and you are scared that he knows your secret.
    • If he knows you have cheated on him, he must be disheartened to the core. However, if he is not breaking up with you, he loves you immensely.
    • We all have dark shades of personality. He is not confronting you with yours because he has some secret too. He expects you to take his darker side like he is taking yours. 
  1. You are a liar: If you have been dishonest to your boyfriend, he might be upset with you. He is using the opportunity to haunt you. He wants you to give him the sincere apology he thinks he deserves.
    • Apologizing for doing wrong to someone is nothing to be ashamed of. If you have been dishonest to your boyfriend, admit it. Your situation and circumstances might have left you helpless. 
    • When you explain your side of the story and urge him to see things from your perspective, he might be able to forgive you sooner.
    • Spending more time together and reminding each other of all the reasons behind your existence can take you a long way.

What to do when your boyfriend jokingly insults you?

  1. Communicate: Talk more and express why it is difficult to cope when he is playing with your emotions to humor himself.
    • Remind him of his role as a problem. He is supposed to save guard and protect you by being at your side. You are not to battle against him. It will not be peaceful. 
    • A mutual understanding is essential. Water the roots. Urge him to put forward his thoughts. You might get a better view as to where things are going wrong.
  1. Take a break: If you feel overwhelmed by your boyfriend’s treatment and communication is not helping, perhaps resort to silent treatment.
    • Taking a break will help you to understand where you stand in each other’s life. What you mean to your boyfriend would be crystal clear in how he tries to approach you and break the ice.
    • If your boyfriend has a gala time, parties all night, and cannot get enough of it, it would suggest that he has been committed for a long and longs for a single life. Relationships can get suffocate when we try to bar our partner’s existence with a set of rules. 
    • Try not to dictate to your partner how to live his life. Let him play with his rules. Similarly, don’t get dictated to by him. Keep it even and fair. When you resume the relationship after the break, you will be more mindful of the boundaries.
  1. Break up: If going on this cake is not your cup of tea, and you have given up hope on the potential or strength in your bond, perhaps discuss with him what he feels about breaking up.
    • When neither of you is happy in the relationship, dating becomes pointless. Two people come together because they feel whole and one with each other.
    • However, if you feel you are together because you have no place else to go, or if everything has become ritualistic, you cannot be more wrong. 
  1. Give him the taste of his treatment: When someone I'll treat you, don't hesitate to treat them the same way when kindness fails to work. It would have been nice if the world revolved around kindness, but sadly it doesn't.
    • While thinking of being rude to your boyfriend might seem weird, it is neither wrong nor unfair when the situation calls so. 
    • In this case, if your boyfriend insults you, it is extremely mean to him. Tell him straight to the face that he should not be mean to his girlfriend.
    • If still, he does not change his ways, insult him for being such a heartless fellow. Tell him that when disposed of in love, if he behaves in this manner, then what will he do out of love? 
    • Show him the need for you in his life. Let him realize that he wants you. It will help in setting things right.
  1. Take measures to keep him off alcohol and drugs: If you feel his behavior is affected by alcohol, warn him against it. Give him a strict word, declaring that it would be a deal breaker if he didn't stop drinking.
    • Alcohol consumption could be a serious threat to o a relationship. If your boyfriend overconsumes it, he is putting your relationship in jeopardy.
    • Help him come out clean. Perhaps take him to group sessions or a rehabilitation center. Give him love but don't support him. 
    • Perhaps recording his behavior and showing it to him later when sober might help nail it.
  1. Ask him to take counsel: If you feel you have come such a long way with your boyfriend that there is no going back, you are stuck, and the only course to be taken from there is to move onward, help him fix himself by taking him for counseling.
    • Therapy and counseling will help determine the cause of his perverted, dark humor. It will help him draw the line between right and wrong. 
    • He will understand when his humor is pleasing and when it causes a disastrous effect.
    • It will also help him to understand his role in your life and vice versa. He will be able to appreciate everything better. 


Here are few things to keep in mind:

  • Tell your boyfriend it's a deal breaker in your books if he insults you before others. Even if it is in good humor, it cannot be done.
  • Don't allow anyone to tamper with your peace, even if that is your boyfriend. Hence, if your boyfriend doesn't understand that his words are compromising your peace, he is not worthy of you.
  • Stop smiling at every situation. When something is unacceptable, don't approve of it. Your words should be synchronous with your body language. If you are uncomfortable, don't give the impression that you are enjoying the situation.

About the Author

Suprity Acharyya

Suprity is the editor-in-chief of Relationshippp and its parent site RelationshipExplained. She overlooks the end-to-end editorial publishing pipeline. She has a Bachelor's Degree in English and did her Master's in Social Welfare Management.
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