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When I Drink I Get Angry at My Boyfriend (Here's Why)

Feature Image of When I Drink I Get Angry at My BoyfriendYou get angry at your boyfriend when you drink, probably because you suppress your feelings when you are sober. You have a lot of disappointment about this relationship, and it manifests itself whenever you are under the control of an intoxicating agent. You could also have a severe drinking problem.

This article will help you understand yourself and your behavioral patterns. We have made a list of reasons why you get angry at your boyfriend when you are drunk. We also have a few ways to deal with the situation. Read on to learn more.

Reasons why you get angry at your boyfriend when you are drunk

  1. You are in a toxic relationship: You have grievances about your relationship, and that comes out as anger for your boyfriend whenever you get drunk. You are probably in a toxic relationship.
    • Toxic relationships often demand more than they can offer. An ideal relationship should feel like home. It is soothing and it calms you down. Nothing feels nice when you are in a toxic relationship. Every minute of your existence feels like a battle. A toxic relationship can only give you anxiety.
    • Some people can express their negative feelings effectively and right at the moment. They do not suppress their thoughts and hide emotions behind fake smiles. Some people can’t bring themselves to do that. They keep their emotions suppressed to put up a perfect version of themselves. They do not want the world to know that they are in a toxic relationship.
    • You fall into this category of people who suppress emotions. That is why, you require an intoxicating agent to talk about your feelings. At this point, your feelings are mostly anger toward your boyfriend. You have pent-up grievances that come out the moment you have a drink or two.
    • You get angry because you feel trapped inside this relationship, and you hold your boyfriend responsible for that. You probably think he is the one who has turned things bitter in your life and pushed you towards the life of an alcoholic. You can learn more about toxic relationships here.
  1. You suppress your true feelings: A toxic relationship is not the only reason for your drunken anger. You have a problem. You suppress your emotions. You do not talk about your feelings with anyone. Not even to the person who is the closest to you.
    • Your boyfriend might not be the problem here. The issue lies with you and your mind. You tend to hide your emotions and that often ends up hurting you (and naturally, you suppress that too). The only way for you to say how you feel is by drowning yourself in alcohol.
    • Alcohol often impairs our sense of judgment. You have a problem dealing with your emotions, but the alcohol makes you blame your boyfriend for that. He is probably a nice person who wants to help you. He is clueless about your issues and still probably wants to help you.
    • Suppressing thoughts and emotions comes from a prolonged lack of listeners in your life. It can also stem from prior experience of embarrassment (when you tried sharing your feelings). You tend to overthink now, and that makes you come to a conclusion where you sacrifice your mental health in fear of embarrassment.
    • But all these suppressed feelings eventually lead you to a situation of embarrassment. The moment you get intoxicated with alcohol, you start blabbing about everything that makes you feel bad and yell at your boyfriend for not being there for you. You expect him to know what is wrong with you even though you never say a word about your problems when you are sober. He will only be able to help when he has enough information to start with.
  1. You can’t handle alcohol: Alcohol is not for you. It turns you into a different person. It gives you irrational anger and makes you behave horribly with your boyfriend.
    • Handling alcohol in a mature way is not everyone’s cup of tea. While other people may stay civil after a few drinks, you tend to lose your sanity when you get drunk. That is when you start blaming other people for your problems.
    • You get angry at your boyfriend because your drunk version thinks he is never there for you. Your intoxicated mind makes you think like that even though your boyfriend is a pretty nice person who actually cares for you. Not just your boyfriend, you blame other people in your life too.
    • Alcohol does not agree with you. The intoxicating agent is clearly the main problem in your life. It makes you lose focus (literally and figuratively). Drunken anger often makes you do or say things that you end up regretting later.
    • Not everyone will understand your situation. People who do not know you well will think you are mean and rude. They will talk about you behind your back. Your drunken behavior actually makes you look like the villain in your relationship. Your boyfriend’s well-behaved nature will earn him brownie points. Here are a few ways to know if you have a drinking problem.
  1. You are not in love with your boyfriend: You get angry at your boyfriend when you drink because you are not actually in love with him. You think you love him but that is far from the truth.
    • Alcohol takes a peek into your subconscious and digs out things that you would have never thought or said in a sober condition. It often makes you do things that you might regret later, or probably never remember.
    • Alcohol makes you realize that you are not actually in love with your boyfriend. You are probably in this relationship because of societal pressure. The people around you have gaslighted you into believing that you need a partner to survive (just like Amy’s mom in The Big Bang Theory wanted her to go on a date every year to stay relevant and “normal” in society).
    • You probably miss your freedom. This relationship constricts you. It is not your boyfriend’s fault. The problem is, you guys are not fit for each other. You are with the wrong person. Before this relationship, you probably lived on your own terms. You were a free-spirited person who believed in carpe diem. You were messy and forgetful. You used to spend your money like there was no tomorrow.
    • On the contrary, your boyfriend always thinks about the future. He has planned for the next forty years of his life. He has his retirement plan ready in a file. He is nothing like you. The problem arises when he tries to convince you about the value of planning your future or saving your money. That makes him unattractive in your eyes. Your fading love for him manifests itself in the form of anger for him when you are drunk.
    • You are in a relationship with him because you fell for him at some point in the past. However, you get angry at him now because you have fallen out of love with him. This does not make you a bad person. Falling out of love with someone is okay.
  1. Alcohol changes your personality: Alcohol turns you into a different person. It plays Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with you. It makes you irresponsible and insensitive. You start saying things that you might regret later when you are sober again.
    • There is nothing wrong with your boyfriend or your life. Alcohol is the only problem. It changes you. Whenever you drink, you tend to turn into a foul-mouthed monster who says mean things about the person who loves them the most.
    • Alcohol makes you think that your boyfriend is hostile. It turns him into the antagonist of your story. His words feel like poison in your ears when you are drunk. You probably even start analyzing things he said earlier to antagonize him further.
    • Not just your boyfriend, you behave horribly with everyone close to you when you are drunk. Alcohol changes your personality. It brings out the worst in you. It does the transformation you never wanted. It makes you do and say regrettable things to people who are your well-wishers.
    • Alcohol makes you irresponsible. Saying mean things and expecting to get away with that makes you a bad person. You are expected to be responsible for the things you did or said as that affected the people around you.
    • You yelled at your boyfriend when you were under the influence of alcohol. You said things that you probably would never have said in a sober condition. However, the words that came out of your mouth are the words that swim around your mind. They stay suppressed but they are still there. You cannot deny their existence.
  1. You know your boyfriend’s dirty secret: You get angry at your boyfriend when you are drunk because you know his dirty secret. You know something that makes you furious. The only way to vent yourself is by yelling at him when you are drunk.
    • Knowing someone’s dirty secret is a great way to indulge in gossiping with your friends. However, when the person who holds such a secret is your boyfriend, the guilty pleasure of gossiping gets replaced by disappointment and anger.
    • The secret can be anything. It can range from side affairs to nasty habits. It can be anything under the sun that disgusts you. However, you can never blame a person directly, without concrete proof, even if it is your boyfriend.
    • Knowing that your boyfriend has an affair is frustrating. What is even more frustrating is the fact that he tries to insult your intelligence by lying to you about that. The bit of information you have on him makes his affectionate gestures painful to tolerate.
    • The frustration of not having enough proof becomes evident when you get drunk. Your anger skyrockets and you pour it down on your boyfriend. There is nothing wrong with that, but drowning yourself in alcohol only affects your physical and mental health.
    • Venting out is a great way to deal with your frustration, but getting proof and presenting it before him is the best way to deal with this problem. He will never pay heed to your words until you prove that he is guilty. Until then, the drunken frustration will continue (unless you decide otherwise).

What are the possible solutions to your problem?

  1. Limit your alcohol consumption (or quit drinking): So far, alcohol seems to be one of your prime problems. You may have to limit your alcohol consumption to deal with your relationship issues.
    • You get angry at your boyfriend whenever you are drunk. You feel infuriated even though he is a good person. There is probably no proper reason for your rage. Your anger comes from the effect of the intoxicating agent. You turn hostile under the influence of alcohol.
    • You need to think if you really want to stay in this relationship. Do you truly love your boyfriend? If your honest answer is “yes,” then you need to do something about your drinking problem. Alcohol messes up your mind and makes you angry at your boyfriend. Anger makes people say and do things that they might regret later. Anger ruins relationships.
    • If you want your relationship to survive, you will have to limit your alcohol consumption (or better, quit it). Alcohol brings out the worst in you. Like most other drunk and enraged people, you yell at your loved ones and throw things around the house. This behavior can injure people mentally or physically (or both). You will have to make up your mind about not drinking alcohol.
    • You can make a list of things that you regret doing under the influence of alcohol. If you are truly trying to mend your ways, that list will embarrass you to a great extent. You might feel bad for yelling at your boyfriend. This sense of shame and embarrassment shows that you are getting better.
    • Quitting alcohol or even limiting its consumption can be a challenge. You are addicted to the intoxicant. Quitting an addiction comes with horrible withdrawal symptoms. You might need professional help during that time. Quitting alcohol is worth it.
    • The absence of alcohol in your system will help your body repair itself from the damage you have caused. It will mend your mental health. You will be able to fight effectively against your anger issues. However, you need to have patience during this journey toward your recovery.
  1. Visit a therapist for expert help: You clearly have a severe drinking problem and for that, you are going to need professional help. You need to prioritize your physical and mental health over everything. You can visit a therapist for help.
    • As we have discussed in the previous point, you have an addiction issue. Problems like this need to be addressed properly. That is why you need the help of a trained psychologist. They will guide you through a difficult process, into a good life ahead.
    • Drinking too much alcohol jeopardizes our health and social life. The problems you have with your boyfriend probably stem from your drinking habit. Your therapist will be able to get you to the root of your problem and help you deal with it effectively and probably with permanence.
    • If you think alcohol is not the problem, you can still visit a therapist for help to identify the issues in your relationship. You and your boyfriend are probably not compatible with each other. You guys will be better off without each other’s company. Follow your therapist’s advice to move towards a suitable solution.
    • You can even go for couples therapy with your boyfriend. You clearly have anger issues and most of your anger gets projected onto your boyfriend when you are drunk. This toxic behavior is helpful for none. Couples therapy will help you guys face your problems. It will help you decode the convoluted labyrinth of your relationship issues.
  1. Talk to your boyfriend if things are not working out between you two: Alcohol is never the right solution to your problems. It only makes you tolerate them a little longer. If you really have problems, face them. You are angry at your boyfriend. Think about the reasons behind your anger. Sit down with him and discuss the issues.
    • We just discussed therapy and its benefits. However, therapy can be a bit expensive. In that case, you can always discuss things with your partner. However, always remember to keep the discussion mature. Try not to break into fits of anger and end up fighting. That is precisely what you are trying to resist.
    • Face your relationship issues instead of running away from them. Talk to him about things that make you so angry at him when you get drunk, but try not to insult him in the process. A healthy discussion can bring solutions to the most convoluted problem. The conversation is key here.
    • The conversation should be polite. Do not hurl insults at each other. Starting a fight is the last thing you want to do in this situation. If this relationship is dear to you, be patient throughout the conversation, and listen to what he has got to say. Listening to each other is necessary for a relationship to survive.
    • Before you start the discussion, think about the things that make you angry at your boyfriend. Make a list of those things if possible and discuss them in detail. Thinking about what to say in a conversation like this might distract you guys to start a new fight.
    • Do not forget to take your faults into account. In this case, it clearly is your alcoholism. He might have his own set of problems that make this relationship difficult, but that does not make you innocent. You, too, do regrettable things under the influence of alcohol.
    • There is a chance that your boyfriend will point out your fault by saying that you have a drinking problem. If you think (think honestly if you value this relationship) that is true, talk about solutions. Discuss ways to deal with your alcoholism. You can even ask for his help. That will make him feel included.
    • You guys should be a part of each other’s lives. Blaming one another for your relationship misfortunes is not going to do any good to your already messed up relationship. Try to mend things if possible. However, if you see no hope in these extensive discussions, you are free to let go of the relationship for good. There is no need to stay with someone who makes you angry. Rage is bad for any relationship’s survival. Part your ways in a civilized manner before things turn toxic.
  1. Talk to your friends or family: Your family and your friends know you better than most people. Talk to them about your problem. They might be of help. They can give you the right advice.
    • People often turn to their friends and family when nothing works. They tend to forget that there are people who care for them. Do not forget you have good people in your life who are concerned about you. They care for you and only want good things to happen in your life.
    • Talking to your friends is easier than approaching your family. Friends understand certain aspects of your life better (friends will be more helpful than family members in your kind of problem). They will be more helpful if they have known you for a while.
    • Your friends might understand you better than your boyfriend. They were there in your life before you started dating him. They know your past, and based on that they can give you great advice. They will be able to tell you just what you were looking for. As your friends, they are probably familiar with your drinking habit.
    • However, do not entirely rule out your family in this situation. Your family can help you too. I know, it is a bit difficult to admit that you have a drinking problem in front of them, but once your secret is out in the open, they will move mountains to help you out.
    • Your parents will always love you no matter what. They will help you out even if you have not spoken to them in two years. They will always be there for you.
    • Your drinking problem might worry them. They could judge you a little in the beginning, but do not let that make you believe they do not care about you. If you hear a few harsh words from them, remember, it is because they are concerned about your physical and mental well-being. They just want to see you happy.
  1. Ask your boyfriend for help: You can ask your boyfriend for help. You are confused about your anger, but at the same time, you are aware of your alcoholism (that is a huge step ahead). You can do great with a little help.
    • If you think your drunken anger toward your boyfriend is irrational, you can ask him for help. Tell him that alcohol makes you yell at him involuntarily. It makes you lose control of yourself. You can start by apologizing for being mean to him and explaining the problem.
    • The fact that you are here looking for reasons and solutions to your problem proves that you are already halfway there. You acknowledge your drinking problem and are ready to deal with it. Asking for your boyfriend’s help will make him feel close to you (and in turn, it will help your relationship grow). He can even help you quit drinking.
    • Tell him how you feel for him when you are sober and compare it to your feelings for him when you are drunk. Ask him what he thinks of your problem and whether he has anything to say.
    • Try to depend on him for this matter. He will help if he truly cares for you and this relationship. Do not be skeptical about asking for help. You have irrational anger for him. He is probably the best person to help you with this matter.
    • However, remember not to project yourself in a bad light. Try to retain your self-respect no matter what happens. If he tries to gaslight you in the name of love, do not let him do that. Resist and try to detach yourself from this toxic relationship no matter how much it hurts you initially
  1. Admit that you are wrong: Admitting that you are wrong (when you are actually wrong) will help you grow into a better person. Your drunken anger for your boyfriend cannot be justified in any way. The sooner you realize that the better.
    • If your boyfriend is a good person, yelling at him out of anger was wrong. You are in a romantic relationship with him, but that does not give you the right to abuse him verbally. You cause him mental agony whenever you get angry at him after consuming alcohol.
    • Alcohol turns you into a monster without any regard for people’s feelings. Put other people aside for a while and just concentrate on your boyfriend ─ a person who loves you unconditionally. You cannot be the reason for his degrading mental health. You need to apologize by admitting that you were wrong.
    • Did he harm you in any way? Did he say something to hurt you? Did he do something wrong? If cannot find positive answers to these questions, your anger at him was for nothing. Your rage was invalid, and so was whatever you said to him in that fit of rage.
    • You have said regrettable things to your boyfriend. You should own up to it before it is too late. Your angry, hateful words probably already have made him question this relationship. He thinks things are turning toxic between you two. If you truly love him and treasure his presence in your life, it should be your priority to let him know that you were wrong.
    • A sincere apology can go a long way. It can mend your relationship and give it a fresh new wave of life. You guys can start things anew. You can promise him that you will try to keep your hands off alcohol this time.
    • Your alcoholism is a legit problem and that needs to be recognized. You should be the first person to recognize this problem so that you can work on it. Locating the faults in your personality and making efforts to mend it can go a long way. It will help you build a strong and healthy relationship with your guy.


A few things to remember:

  • Being in a toxic relationship can lead you to alcoholism. People with relationship problems often tend to use alcohol as a means to forget their stress. The same thing is happening to you. The fact that you get angry at your boyfriend when you drink, proves that he is not the right partner for you.
  • The opposite of this can also happen. In that case, your boyfriend is a great guy and you are the bad person in the relationship. You have a drinking problem and that makes you yell at him and blame him for no good reason.
  • Limiting your alcohol consumption can be a great way to fight this problem. It will take a lot of patience and struggle, but once you quit, there will be no looking back. Alcohol is one of the prime problems in your life and it needs to be recognized.
  • Admitting that you have a problem will help you seek help quickly. The quicker you can get help, the better. Once you understand your problem you will be able to share it with your family and friends for advice. You can consult a therapist, or even approach your boyfriend for help.

About the Author

Nirajana Mukherjee

Nirajana Mukherjee has been helping people find out their relationship queries since 2019. At Relationshippp she loved to talk about topics related to Dating, Affairs, Attraction, and Breakups. Her work can be seen in RelationshipExplained - A Renowned Relationship Blog. Nirajana has a Masters in English literature from St. Xavier's University.
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