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My Boyfriend’s Daughter is Ruining Our Relationship (Dealing Tips)

Feature Image of My Boyfriend’s Daughter is Ruining Our RelationshipThat is what you think. You don’t like the presence of your boyfriend’s daughter in your life. Kids are supposed to be irrational. Your boyfriend will never abandon his daughter for you if he is a good father. However, if his daughter is a bit older, she can create problems.

In this article, we will discuss the reasons why you think your boyfriend’s daughter is ruining your relationship, along with possible solutions to your problem. Read on.

Reasons why she could be a problem in your relationship

  1. She stays with him: Where else would she stay? There is nothing wrong with her staying with her father. It is your boyfriend’s responsibility to look after his daughter.
    • If his daughter is a minor, she is supposed to stay with him. He is her father and therefore has the natural responsibility to look after her and provide for her.
    • This is particularly applicable when she lacks a mother. All of her responsibility falls on your boyfriend.
    • His fatherly duties come first. They are a priority over his relationship with you.
    • The harsh truth is that his daughter is way more important to him than you are. She will stay with him as long as she wants, and you will have to fit in.
    • To you, it may seem like she is ruining your relationship with her father by staying with him all the time. But let us think logically. Where else can she go at such a young age?
    • She is just a kid who needs constant care. She is not ruining your relationship. Your attitude towards her is doing the actual job.
  1. She pops up wherever you go: That is probably because she is still a kid, and kids are often scared of staying back alone. She wants to feel safe.
    • She seems to pop up everywhere you go because she is still a kid. Kids need a lot of extra care and attention.
    • She is scared of staying alone when you go out with her father. She should tag along because kids should never be left alone at home. It could be dangerous for her.
    • She tags along because being with her father makes her feel safe. Again, what you think about the situation does not and should not matter because she should be her father’s foremost priority.
  1. She cries a lot: Kids are supposed to cry a lot. Even teenagers throw temper tantrums and cry. This is something you should have known before you started dating a man with a kid.
    • It is not your fault that she cries. It is her age. It is normal for her to cry all the time, especially if she is a little kid.
    • You think your boyfriend’s daughter is trying to ruin your relationship. That is not true because kids do not care about complex relationships.
    • She just wants her father to be with her. You are a stranger in the familiar setting. That’s why she cries. Your boyfriend is the only important person in her life.
    • Teenagers can also cry all the time, but their reasons are different and more complex. They think their lives are difficult. They have just started to face societal hardships. These are new for them.
  1. She interferes in your relationship: This could be a problem. This happens particularly when your boyfriend’s daughter is a bit older (teen or pre-teen).
    • Teens and preteens have distinct opinions. Your boyfriend’s daughter doesn’t like you. She thinks you are evil and wants you out of her father’s life.
    • She is like Poppy Moore, the rebellious teenager from the 2008 coming-of-age movie Wild Child, who hated her father’s girlfriend so much that she threw her clothes into the sea from the balcony of her Malibu house.
    • She might become a problem when she starts using lies to make you look bad in her father’s eyes. She can go to any extent. You, an adult with better judgment, require to be careful around her.
  1. She doesn’t like you: Of course, she does not. You are probably the reason why their family broke apart.
    • You can’t expect her to like you when you are the reason why her family got disintegrated. Major life events like this have adverse effects on young minds.
    • She is not trying to ruin your relationship. You just don’t like the fact that she hates you. You want to be liked, but unfortunately, that is not happening anytime soon.
    • The fragmentation of her family has hit her hard enough to shut down completely. She doesn’t seem happy with your presence, and that might never change, even if you get married to her father eventually.
  1. She wants her mom to reconcile with her father: She just wants to the part of a normal family again. She wants her mom to reconcile with her father and live together in harmony like they used to.
    • What she wants is far from reality. Your boyfriend’s daughter wants her mom and dad to get back together. She wants to have a normal family.
    • You are the single, most important problem in her life, and she wants you to go away. She wants you to break up with her father and never come back.
    • Her strongly negative feelings for you make you think she is ruining your relationship. Her disturbed state of mind whenever you are around can actually affect your relationship with your boyfriend.
    • He might think of getting back with his ex-wife into an unhappy marriage because that will help him improve his daughter’s mental health.
  1. She follows you around: This could happen if she is a little kid. Babies often tend to follow elders around. She finds you interesting.
    • Little kids are naïve, and they often tend to follow people they find interesting. You think your boyfriend’s daughter is trying to ruin your relationship by following you around. You are wrong.
    • Little kids don’t understand the concept of relationships. They are new to the world. They do whatever excites them. Following you around is amusing to them. They think you are an interesting person.
    • She needs your attention, along with a little bit of affection. The little kid loves your company and wants to spend more time with you. That won’t ruin your relationship. It will strengthen the bond you have with your boyfriend.

Reasons why you are the problem

  1. You are not great with kids: You are here looking for solutions to your problems which revolve around your boyfriend’s daughter. Chances are there that you are not great with kids. This is perfectly normal. Not everybody has to be good with kids.
    • It’s true that not everybody has to be good with kids. But that could be a problem when your boyfriend has one.
    • Your problem with kids won’t matter here. He will expect you to be good with his daughter.
    • If you fail to deal with her in the right way, your relationship might get into jeopardy. You should have thought it through before getting into a relationship with a guy who has a daughter to tend to. Life is not a Disney musical like Enchanted.
  1. You tend to fight with her: She is a kid. You can’t fight with her. That is a very unreasonable thing to do. A kid cannot be your contender.
    • You can’t fight with a kid. That makes you a horrible person. Your boyfriend’s daughter is not ruining your relationship. You are doing it on your own.
    • You tend to fight with your boyfriend’s daughter. That is unreasonable. A little kid could have done nothing to get into a fight with you.
    • Even if she is a teenager, you don’t earn the right to fight with her. Teens, who are sensitive, can take the wrong steps to deal with the problem they are having with you.
    • His daughter cannot be your contender unless she is of the same age as you are. That makes your boyfriend a lot older with about zero control over his daughter. Don’t pick fights with the most important person in his life.
  1. You are not a responsible person: You are afraid of responsibilities. Kids scare you because of that. Your boyfriend’s daughter is a little kid, and to you, she seems like a huge responsibility.
    • It is okay to be afraid of responsibilities. But the situation you are in needs you to be in a rather uncomfortable position.
    • Your boyfriend has a little kid, and you might have to deal with her from time to time. You will probably have to babysit her when her father goes out to pick up dinner.
    • Responsibilities scare you (and for good reasons), but your boyfriend will not understand that. Having a baby in the house is normal for him. It’s his life. He will expect you to be a happy part of that.
  1. You were the reason behind her parents’ divorce: Now, that could be true. Her father fell in love with you, and that ended up breaking their happy family apart. Both you and your boyfriend are the problems here.
    • You came into her father’s life, and that ripped apart their family. She blames you for her miseries.
    • Both you and your boyfriend are the problems in this scenario. You guys chose to be together, knowing that it would cause a marriage (and, by extension, a family) to end.
  1. You are emotionally unavailable: You are not great with kids, and that makes you emotionally unavailable to them. They can’t bank on you for anything. They do not trust you at all.
    • Your boyfriend’s daughter wants to trust you, but she can’t. You act too cold around her. Your emotional unavailability is ruining your relationship with her father.
    • You tend to blame her for your issues. She is not the problem here. Your stiffness is not allowing you to think of her as a part of your life.
    • Your boyfriend comes with a daughter who will stay with him at least until she turns eighteen. If you can’t accept that, you should not be with this person.
  1. You are a bit selfish: You are selfish when it comes to your boyfriend. You do not consider the fact that your boyfriend is the father to a little daughter.
    • You are the problem here because you seem to unsee the fact that your boyfriend has a daughter willingly. For the little girl, you are like Snow White’s evil stepmother.
    • You are a bit selfish when it comes to your boyfriend. If you think he is spending too much time with his daughter, you have a problem. There is nothing “too much” about spending time with one’s own daughter.

What to do (or not to do) when you think your boyfriend’s daughter is ruining your relationship?

  1. Don’t interfere in their family: Try to stay away from their family matters. They are already in a lot of problems because of this relationship. Do not make it more complicated for them.
    • Your presence in your boyfriend’s life has made things complicated for his family. His little daughter suffers the most as she fears her family will break apart one day. Don’t add to her problems.
    • Stay away from his family if you can. You have the man to yourself. Trying to establish friendly contact with his kids can turn things ugly as they don’t like you at all.
    • Once your boyfriend’s daughter gets to know about you, she might attempt to cause fights between you two, and that may lead to a breakup.
  1. Talk to your boyfriend if she is a genuine problem: If you guys are in a serious relationship and she turns out to be a genuine threat, talk to your boyfriend about it.
    • She might try to end your relationship by creating misunderstandings. You know that, but your boyfriend doesn’t. He needs to know what his daughter is up to.
    • He will not believe you at first (of course, due to the love he has for his daughter). You will have to convince him with concrete evidence of her evil little schemes.
  1. Don’t fight with her: Do not fight with a child. It is immature and often frowned upon. Try to be her friend. She will eventually start liking you.
    • Picking fights with a child is the stupidest thing a person can do. Don’t get into fights with your boyfriend’s daughter if you don’t want to look like an insensitive fool.
    • She is supposed to have problems with you. You, as a reasonable adult, will have to calm her down with logical arguments.
    • If you want her to be your friend or at least be civil with you, you need to act like a friend too. Try not to be another frowning adult in her life. Be her friend instead.
    • Teach her fun activities and mischievous prank to try on her peers. You can take ideas from Rachel in season seven of F.R.I.E.N.D.S when she taught Ross’s son Ben to play pranks on his parents and friends. Be the fun adult in her.
  1. Try to accept her as a part of your life: Things will get a lot easier if you learn to accept her as a part of your life. She will also learn to live alongside you.
    • Try to accept her as a part of your life, even if it seems difficult. You are the adult. It is only logical for you to take the first step.
    • Include her in your activities. Ask her to visit the gym with you for a little workout session.
    • You can take her to her favorite dinner. Try out food that she recommends. Valuing her opinion will make her trust you, and she will cause fewer problems.
    • Watch movies together on OTT platforms. Do things her father doesn’t have time for.
    • You can even take her on vacations with the permission of her father. That would be a great opportunity to establish an emotional bond with her. Be like Giselle from the Disney movie Enchanted.
  1. Try to calm her down patiently: She has a problem with you, and that is quite normal for a girl of her age. Be patient and try to calm her down.
    • You need to be patient with her. She is just a child who needs constant care and attention.
    • It is normal for her to have problems with you. You are not a familiar person in her life. You need to get her to know you better.
    • Kids require a different approach. You can deal with her as you deal with the adults in your life. Try to understand her world and what she thinks about you.
    • If she is upset, try to calm her down with patience. She will listen to a soothing voice of reason after screaming and yelling at you for a while.
  1. Establish the fact that you are an important part of her father’s life: She needs to know that you are an important part of her father’s life. Make sure she understands that.
    • She knows you are her father’s girlfriend, but she hates you for breaking up their family (or for trying to take her mother’s place). She will have to understand what you mean to her father.
    • Kids are difficult to convince. Your boyfriend’s daughter will try her hardest not to include you in her life.
    • You will have to win her trust and affection. It will take time, but it is possible.
    • Firmly establish the fact that you are important to her father and vice versa. Tell her that you are here to stay. You need to be extra polite when you say that.
    • Even a few little harsh words from you can turn her against you within seconds. You need her on your side to stay in this relationship. Make sure that happens.
  1. Don’t try to be her mother: That is the worst thing you can do. Never try to be her mother. Try being her friend instead.
    • Try not to be her mother. She will never let you replace the most important person in her life.
    • Instead, be the opposite of a mother. A mother often scolds the child for various inconveniences. You should never scold her for anything.
    • You can take her shopping if she wants but be careful not to be extravagant. Be her friend but don’t spoil her in the process.
    • Talk to her about her life in school and listen to all the silly corridor politics. Make sure she shares her secrets with you.
    • Stand by her side if she gets bullied at school. Your presence as a strong adult in her life will scare away her bullies.
    • You can even advise her about ways to be cool at school with your years of wisdom and mistakes. Make sure she doesn’t take the wrong steps.
    • Be her friend, philosopher, and confidante. She will appreciate an adult friend in her life who is not really like all other adults.


A few things to remember:

  • If your boyfriend has a daughter who is a little older (like a teen or a preteen), she can create problems between you two. She does not like you.
  • You broke her family apart, so she can’t stand your presence.
  • Be patient and try to win her trust. It will be difficult in the beginning.
  • Learn to accept her as a part of your life. If you choose to spend your life with her father, she is going to be present in your life all the time.
  • Your boyfriend loves his daughter more than he loves you. He will break up with you if he needs to.
  • Don’t try to fight with her for minor inconveniences. Show a little bit of maturity.
  • Spend time with her and try to be her friend. You can try watching her favorite shows, tasing her favorite food, and going to her favorite places. You two can even solve her favorite Buzzfeed quizzes for fun.

About the Author

Nirajana Mukherjee

Nirajana Mukherjee has been helping people find out their relationship queries since 2019. At Relationshippp she loved to talk about topics related to Dating, Affairs, Attraction, and Breakups. Her work can be seen in RelationshipExplained - A Renowned Relationship Blog. Nirajana has a Masters in English literature from St. Xavier's University.
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