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She Has a Boyfriend but is Sleeping With Me (Here's Why)

Feature Image of She Has a Boyfriend but is Sleeping With MeShe might be contented in her relationship, but not s#xually gratified. It could be due to her boyfriend's busy schedule or his newly changed behavior. If she keeps on coming to you, then she has a liking for you and finds you attractive.

In this blog post, I will help you understand the psychology of women when they decide to sleep with another guy despite being committed and where it puts you. Would you want to be a sidekick in the life of someone? Why or why not.

Reasons why she has a boyfriend but is sleeping with you

  1. She is restless: You meet a girl at a bar. She is looking at you unblinkingly from the corner of her eyes. You know you have created a distinct impression. However, when you move closer to her, she takes a step back.
    • When you approach her, she tells you that she has a boyfriend. You don’t see anyone around. You tell her to let it be a one-night stand. You explain to her that it is only fair to appreciate the beauty and enjoy the youth while there is time.
    • You hold her hand, and she stays still. You lean forward to kiss her. She allows you to take her home. You make a romantic session. Both of you are happy. 
    • Her boyfriend calls her, and she is scared. While she was making love and even got dominative with you, she didn’t look you in the eye. She tries to rush back home but doesn’t deny you when you tell her to meet soon.
    • Don’t be too surprised if you have had such an episode. The woman was restless because her boyfriend was perhaps on a business trip or in a different city.
    • She might visit pubs often, looking for a silver lining in her dark world of romance. She doesn't hesitate when she is approached though she never takes the first step. 
    • She has been dating her boyfriend long enough not to break up with him willingly. However, her hormones make her long for action. She is fidgety and restless. The moment the food is served on the table to her, she feasts.
  1. Her boyfriend is not good in bed: If her boyfriend is a good partner and they are compatible, but he is unable to satiate her in bed, she might be looking for someone to satisfy her lust.
    • When women are horny, they need to get laid. If her boyfriend comes out fast, she will remain dissatisfied. The trick is to edge yourself till you make her org#sm. 
    • On the contrary, if you know how to please and satiate her lust well, she would want to spend more time with you in bed than with her boyfriend.
    • You might enjoy making out with her, but you might not find her available for you at an emotional level. It might be that while making out with you, she takes her boyfriend’s name or texts him to know about his whereabouts.
    • This might be ridiculous, and you might not like it as much. It is also possible that she will be in a hurry to leave after making love. Even if you try to insist on keeping her for the night, she will snap at you. 
    • She might even bear a guilty conscience every time she sleeps with you. It would weigh her down, and she won’t talk about how crazy the session was. Your skills would go unappreciated.
    • Such an equation is often unrewarding. Sooner or later, you will get frustrated and snap at her. If you have a girlfriend and you have been cheating on her, owing to the frequency of it, she might discover the truth sooner or later.
    • Avoid signing in for anything that gives you mixed signals or puts you into a compromising dilemma. Your peace of mind and stability should be your priority at any cost.
  1. She likes you: She has been crushing on you for a long time, but you were never single. Perhaps she started dating recently, and it isn’t one of those very serious relationships.
    • She is perhaps dating for the sake of it, but her boyfriend isn’t the be-all and end-all for her.
    • When you asked her out or got an opportunity to get closer to you, she didn’t want to miss it. 
    • She has been yearning for you for too long to let the chance pass the next time.
    • You will see it in her eyes if she likes you. She would blush and smile. She won’t have the sense of guilt stooping her down. Her face would be radiant at you. 
    • In such a case, with a little encouragement from your end, she might as well break up with her boyfriend to be with you if you propose to her.
  1. You are good at pleasing: If you are good in bed, you like to please, you are not stereotypical in ways, you experiment and arouse nicely, she would not say no to you.
    • A guy wanting to please is rare. They like to be pleased, and they like to f#ck. But when you please her in various ways, s#xually and non-s#xually, in a sense, you try to understand what she feels and what she likes and avoid doing what she dislikes, and you will have a special place in her heart.
    • It might move her to such an extent that she might even allude to your nature and the ways you do things to her boyfriend as an example to help him mend his ways.
    • If you can please her or leave a marked impression, she will always be h#rny for you. You might be surprised that she is only a text away from you. 
    • In such cases, it is better to research her boyfriend before leading her further, lest he will hunt her down like a rowdy.
  1. Her boyfriend is greedy in bed: If her boyfriend is too demanding in bed, that is, he likes to dominate without wanting to exchange roles, he is a dictator, he gets rough in passion, and he might use a long break from him.
    • She doesn't need to be abused in the relationship. However, it might mean that she is not her person.
    • If from her behavior, you get the impression that she is submissive in bed, then she might not be able to tell the proper difference between being dominant and an abuser.
    • Talk to her about it. Help her in confiding in you. Assure her that you can be trusted. If she needs a doctor or a therapist, help her find one.
    • Always prioritize a person’s mental health. You must try to learn how the person is doing emotionally. A toxic person shall breed toxicity. The last thing you want on your plate is an ominous relationship.
  1. They are in an open relationship: The girl may be sleeping around with other guys because her boyfriend and she have that understanding.
    • Open relationships are no more theoretical. Couples very comfortably are sneaking into its cover. It keeps the relationship dynamic and makes them happy.
    • There are fewer to no fights when couples are in an open relationship. There is no sense of jealousy. It is all about priority. 
    • They take alternate or multiple partners but keep it broadly NSA in its terms and conditions.
    • If she does not discuss her personal life or boyfriend with you in bed, she wants to keep “no strings attached” with you. 
    • She is more than glad to have fun with you but won’t take it to be anything further. Hence, the chances of dating her officially are next to null.
  1. She plans to break up with her boyfriend: Perhaps she is not happy in the relationship and has been planning to break up with her boyfriend for a long time. The reasons could be many.
    • There is a tendency for the relationship gets stagnant over time. There is no element of fun left. Either of the partners stops putting effort. The entire things wane off. 
    • There is no conscious complaint, but the spark is off. You occasionally make out with one another, but that is all about it. 
    • This is when both partners look for something exciting in the other. When they run out of options, they resort to cheating, thinking it is a one-time fling.
    • However, one day it may be struck to them that they need a change, for, with the death of the relationship, a part of them is dying within. 
    • When they get enough encouragement and a sense of stability from the one they choose to sleep with, they either finally break up in the want of liberty or switch partners. 
  1. She is in an LDR (long-distance relationship. A girl wants what she wants): If the guy and the girl are in a long-distance relationship, there would be times when her hormones will hit hard, and she would choose to allow her morals to take a break.
    • The frequency of such an occurrence in an LDR is shockingly high. Both partners, in a way, are aware that they have been cheated on, but they don’t acknowledge it.
    • It is trouble-free as long as it is a secret. The moment the secret is out, they will have to split merely for the sake of it.
  1. You are in a relationship, too: If you are cheating on your girlfriend, she will find it encouraging. She would know that you would keep your mouth sealed for one reason. The makeout will be wild for the other because you desire it.
    • Such make-outs would either be one-time things or go on to be repetitive. It depends on whether you acknowledge that you are deliberately cheating on your partner.
    • When she opens up about her relationship issues with you with a tendency to take you to bed, she might know that you are having relationship issues too. 
    • If you open up to her in return rather than playing smart, thinking that she doesn’t know anything about your life, you both might become permanent sidekicks for one another for a long time.
  1. She lacks a conscience: If she laughs and enjoys sleeping with you, shares memes, and perhaps even clicks pictures with you, she is carefree, and her boyfriend might be used to such behavior.
    • There is even the possibility that she and her boyfriend are putting up a facade of relationship, but there is nothing relationship like between them.
    • If her boyfriend is hesitant to take her to bed, she might lack the conscience to think twice when she decides to go to bed with another. 
  1. Her bf had cheated on her too (it's revenge hour): Perhaps she is sleeping with you not because she feels for you or she is unhappy with her boyfriend’s performance in bed but because he had cheated on her in the past. Though she has forgiven him, she hasn’t been able to forget the whole incident.
    • Trust, once broken, leaves many knots. You can never be sure if you have been wholeheartedly forgiven unless you have done something profound to win their heart. 
    • Keep it light and if you want to win her from her boyfriend, start working in that direction. Since she already has grudges against him, it won't be too difficult. 

What to do when she has a boyfriend but sleeps with you?

  1. Ask her to date you: You can get as direct as you want to. If you feel for her, trek her that.
    • When you are already sleeping with someone, shying away from asking them out should not be the case.
    • Be practical in your approach and subtle in your declaration. If she is sleeping with you despite having a boyfriend, something about you charms her. 
    • Understand that aspect and use it to leverage your proposal. Avoid all that she finds faulty in her boyfriend. Give her constant reassurance to help her overcome her insecurity.
  1. Tell her you are not a sidekick: When you feel you are being treated like a sidekick, which is unacceptable to you, tell her the same.
    • Everyone has their preferences. While there are people who enjoy being a sidekick because it is trouble-free, there are others who find the status below them.
    • The latter group bears a condescending attitude towards the lads who like to appropriate themselves in this manner. This group is too manly and patriarchal to accept an alternative mode of living. So if you belong to this group and your behavior is such, sooner or later, the girl herself will abandon you.
  1. Express your feelings: Tell her if you are attracted to the woman. Tell her if you find her the most gorgeous woman you have ever met. If she is someone you want to spend your entire life with, propose to her the same.
    • The problem with our generation is we think a lot and do nothing. We are all the Hamlet of the 21st century. 
    • One of the people will have to break the ice. She is doing it by expressing how much she desires you. You need to do it by putting it in words before her.
    • If you don’t like her but is sleeping with her because you are getting it, perhaps tell her the same so that she does not start weaving dream with you.
  1. Maintain friendship (w/o benefits): You can maintain a friendship with a woman already dating someone and choose to deny her access to your bed.
    • It won’t make you the first to have a friend and a crush on that friend, but nothing more. The statistics of a male or a female having a crush on the opposite gender, which they are friends with, is very high.
    • Friendship is a cordial relationship that most of us underestimate. It has much more benefits than you can think of. A true friend is your powerhouse. They stick by you in your highs and lows. While friends with benefits have its charm, it comes with a time limit.
  1. Get distant (stop seeing her or answering her calls): If she doesn’t heed your words and keeps getting closer to you with every opportunity, you will have to be sterner with yourself.
    • The easiest way of ignoring and avoiding her is to grow distant from her.
    • Stop answering her calls or letting her know about your whereabouts.
    • Don’t plan a date with her, and avoid going to places where she hangs out.
  1. Find a date (perhaps her friends, ask her to set you up): The easiest way to avoid not going out with a girl is by going out with another girl, preferably someone who is her friend.
    • This can be an interesting turn of events. You stop seeing the girl treating you as a sidekick to bring home the lesson for her that you are worthy of more. 
    • It would be a great lesson when you date someone from her close-knit friends. She would constantly worry that you might reveal the relationship you shared with her in the past, and hence would automatically maintain her gap.
    • It will be troubling for you if you start getting serious with this girl and later it is revealed that you have dated her best friend. Don’t let that happen. Keep the girl well-informed when you feel you are reaching that stage.
  1. Be stern about NSA (see her at your convenience): Rather than keeping the balls in her court, keep it in yours. It is time to reverse the table. Don’t see her at her convenience but do it as per yours.
    • This will create a boundary between you. She will know how you expect to be treated. Merely because she is sleeping with you doesn’t make you her puppet.
    • Set non-negotiable ground rules when you date a person. Base the rules on what you want and need. Try to understand the desires and expectations of the person you are dating or intend to date.
  1. Fix her relationship: Talk about it, suggest toys, and counseling, ask what is lacking, and recommend ways to approach or open up with her boyfriend.
    • Even when a woman goes to bed with you, it doesn’t mean you can’t help her fix her relationship. Perhaps all she has been needing is correspondence with a male counterpart. Understand her case, and tell her what you would have done or might be doing had you been her boyfriend.
    • Suggest ways in which this can be fixed. There is no reason to go astray. You need to broaden your window to newer perspectives.


  • If you want to sleep with someone, pick a woman who is not seeing someone else. There are many worthy women out there. Just because you slept with a person once doesn’t mean you will have to do it on repeat.
  • When you decide to sleep with a woman with the awareness that she has a guy in her life, perhaps make concrete plans to win her over to him.
  • Don’t fool around with people who aren’t worth your energy and might cost you peace of mind. The fact that you are browsing the topic implies that she has left a certain strain on your mind.
  • Honesty is the best policy. Karma has strange ways of fireback. Avoid messy situations. Behold the supreme ones. Rate yourself higher than this.
  • An error, once made, does not need to go on repeat. You can bring it to a halt. Learning to take chances does not imply wasting yourself while doing it. Try to maintain your morals to get laid. It is supposed to be a beautiful experience, not a guilt-ridden one.

About the Author

Suprity Acharyya

Suprity is the editor-in-chief of Relationshippp and its parent site RelationshipExplained. She overlooks the end-to-end editorial publishing pipeline. She has a Bachelor's Degree in English and did her Master's in Social Welfare Management.
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