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Not Exclusive but He Slept With Someone Else (REASONS WHY)

Feature Image of Not Exclusive but He Slept With Someone ElseIt’s a bit distressing, but he is allowed to sleep with someone else when you guys are not exclusive. The relationship is at an early stage, and at this point, both of you are allowed to explore your options before getting all serious. Technically, he isn’t wrong to do this.

In this article, I will help you with reasons why he slept with someone else (although you guys were not exclusive). I will also walk you through ways to deal with this situation gracefully and in the right way. Read on.

Reasons why he slept with someone else

  1. He is not sure about you: He slept with someone else because he is not that sure about you. You guys aren’t exclusive. Therefore, he thinks he can do what he wants. Technically, you don’t have the right to stop him.
    • At such an early stage of this relationship, he is not sure about getting serious with you. At this stage, can this even be called a relationship? This is something you need to think about.
    • How can he be sure about you when he barely knows anything about you? To him, you are just like that other person he is dating simultaneously.
    • He is comparing you with the other people he sleeps with. It’s degrading, but that is what he is doing. He needs to be sure that you are the right person ─ the one.
  1. He wants to “explore” his options: This is not an exclusive relationship. He likes you but also wants to “explore” his options. He wants to date as much as he can to find the right person to be with. Till now, you aren’t the one.
    • No, you are not the one for him yet. You guys have gone on a few dates, but that doesn’t make this a proper relationship. He is sleeping around for options.
    • He wants to go out there and explore. He goes on dates and sleeps with other people. He is looking for the perfect person.
    • You are not special to him. All the good things he says to you, he says to other people too. You are one of his “options” and definitely not “the one.”
  1. He is allowed to sleep with other people when you guys aren’t exclusive: Of course, he is allowed to sleep with other people when he is not in an exclusive relationship. He is not that’s serious about you.
    • Being exclusive would have constricted you guys from sleeping around with other people (unless it was an open relationship).
    • He is allowed to sleep with other people, as you guys are not yet exclusive. Your presence here, reading this article, suggests that he is special to you. You are sad that he slept with someone else. You are not special to him. You are just another person that he likes to sleep with occasionally.
    • He will get away with this technicality until you make this official. Even then, can you really trust a person like this? Do you really think this will be a good relationship?
  1. You haven’t shown much interest in him: He slept with another person because you never showed interest in him. He wanted to know you better and spend time with you, but you ignored him.
    • He wanted to get intimate with you, but you never showed interest in his advances. That’s why he thinks you guys are not sexually compatible. He wants to find someone who is.
    • He slept with someone else because you guys were not on the same page. You, people, want different things out of a relationship.
    • He regards sexual compatibility as the most important aspect of a relationship. That’s why he is looking for that perfectly compatible person. He might ghost you when he finds them.
  1. He is not that into you: He likes you just like he likes fourteen other people he dates. He is not that into you. He wouldn’t have slept with someone else if he really had feelings for you.
    • His feelings for you are more casual than you think. Your presence or absence in his life doesn’t bother him much. You are not someone he is concerned about.
    • You might face difficulty in thinking about living without him, but he is not at that stage right now. You guys are not on the same page. That’s why he slept with someone else.
    • While he wants to have a fun fling, you are probably looking for something more serious that he can’t offer as he is not that into you.
  1. You are just a rebound for him: This is bad news, but you need to hear it. You are a rebound for him. He is just out of a serious relationship, and you are the emotional doormat he is looking for. He is not going to get serious with you.
    • I am sorry to say this, but you are temporary. He hangs with you just to forget a past relationship.
    • This might happen right after he gets out of a serious relationship. His former relationship ended on a bitter note, and now he wants to show his ex-partner how quickly he can move on by sleeping with multiple people.
    • Unfortunately and unwillingly, you and a few other people are a part of this tempest. Chances are there that he will never get serious about you.
  1. You refused to sleep with him: He wanted to fool around, and you refused. As you guys are not exclusive, he thinks he has the right to sleep with other people. So, he did it with someone else.
    • You might not be comfortable sleeping with a guy you just met a few days ago. There is nothing wrong with you, and this feeling is perfectly normal.
    • However, it is also a truth that you guys are not exclusive. Therefore, you can’t get mad at him for sleeping with someone else.
    • He did it because you were not ready for physical intimacy. He could have waited for you to start trusting him, but he slept around with other people.
  1. He wants to torment you: He wants to torment you, for something you did, by sleeping with someone else. This can happen in two scenarios:
    • This can happen when you have slept with someone else. You can’t be mad at him for something that you did first. He slept with someone else to show you how it feels to be left out like that. Even though you guys aren’t yet exclusive, he thinks he has a claim over you and wants to make you jealous for sleeping with another person. However, you have no ground to chastise him, for you are the one who started this.
    • This can happen when he is a sociopath who likes to torment people for no reason, as he gets a kick out of it. Torturing people mentally is his thing, and that’s why he slept with another person. It was to make you feel miserable. He knows you like him, and something like that would hurt you. He tries to have control over your mind.
  1. He wants to get rid of you: He no longer likes you and wants to stay away from you at any cost. You guys were not exclusive, so he was always on the lookout for the perfect date. He found it, and now he wants to get rid of you.
    • He slept with someone else because he wanted to get rid of you. He wants you out of his life. He is not interested in you anymore.
    • He thinks you guys are not compatible. They have doubts about you. You people have nothing in common.
    • It is a good thing to check someone for common areas of interest. It helps build a healthy relationship.
    • However, the way he dealt with the situation can be frowned upon as it was an insult to your face. He tried to use a little technicality to sleep with another person.

What to do when he slept with someone else?

  1. Ask them why they did this: Be straightforward and ask them why they did this. There must be some reason. The future of this relationship depends on his answer.
    • He did this for a reason. It affects you directly. Therefore, you deserve to know why he did what he did.
    • You can try asking him what is so special about the other person. Something must be there that made him walk away from you all of a sudden.
    • If he points you out as the reason for his abominable behavior, think twice about sticking to this toxic non-relationship.
  1. Don’t act needy: Acting needy will make him feel more important. You don’t want him to feel that.
    • Don’t act all needy and clingy around him. Instead, try to ignore him intentionally.
    • You can try ghosting him for a few days. Don’t reply to his texts, and don’t answer his calls too.
    • You can politely ask him to stay away from you for a few days. Extra politeness often scares people who have done something that is morally questionable.
  1. Don’t overthink: Overthinking can spoil your mind. Don’t let yourself flow away in your stream of consciousness. Try to put your mind on a leash about this matter.
    • Let’s admit it. This was a casual fling. Why would you feel bad when he sleeps with someone else? Stop overthinking the matter.
    • It looks like you have started to acquire feelings for this guy. Be he is not on the same page, and the sooner you understand this, the better. Don’t build castles in the air thinking about a suburban life with him where you have a house, a dog, and two kids. That dream of yours is probably never going to come true, at least not with him.
    • This relationship was meant to stay casual and breezy. If you can’t keep it that way, I think it’s your time to step out of it.
  1. Think twice before getting into a serious relationship: Think twice before you get into a serious relationship with this guy. He found the loophole called exclusiveness to sleep with someone else; he will soon find another loophole to do the same.
    • The guy we are talking about is great at finding loopholes in a potential relationship to sleep with other people. Do you really want him to be a part of your life?
    • He did morally questionable things when you guys were not exclusive. They did not care to think about your feelings.
    • A person who does something like this can do it again when you are official. They like sleeping with other people, and that probably won’t even if you guys get married. Think twice about getting into a relationship with him.
  1. Make him feel jealous: Make him feel jealous as a payback for what he did. He has rights, but what about morals? What about your feelings? Make him understand how wrong he was to do this.
    • Sleeping with someone else was not okay, and he should know that. You can make him feel jealous by doing the same. However, you don’t have to sleep with other people to do that.
    • You can get intimate with another and make sure he knows that. Do all the mushy stuff in a way that he can see it.
    • Make sure he knows about your new date and suddenly make yourself unattainable to him. If he is into you, he will come crawling back.
  1. Don’t say something you might regret: Getting annoyed when he sleeps with someone is understandable. But saying unnecessarily hurtful things can backfire. He has the right to sleep with other people when you guys are not exclusive. Technically, you have nothing to yell about.
    • You can’t yell about his rights. When you guys are not exclusive, he can sleep with anyone he wants to.
    • You can’t stop him from doing as he pleases. He wants to explore his options, and no matter what, he will do it. Your words won’t matter here.
    • However, you can make him feel guilty for what he did. For that, you have to understand how his mind works. You need to know his weakness for all the mind games.
  1. Talk to him about your insecurities: Talk to him about your insecurities and inhibitions. Make sure the discussion revolves around the relationship and where it is going.
    • Talk to him about your insecurities and things that make you feel uncomfortable. This shouldn’t be a general conversation. Focus on the issue that’s bothering you now.
    • Tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable when he sleeps with someone else. It is taking you away from him.
    • You can tell him, “When I imagine you sleeping with another person, it makes me insecure and uncomfortable at the same time. I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t think I will be able to get closer to you for a while now.”
  1. Stop hanging out with him for a while: Stop hanging out with him for a few days. If you can stay away from him for a considerable amount of time successfully, he will be forced to think about you and the relationship.
    • Now, this might teach him a lesson. Stop hanging out with him for a few days. He will know this situation has occurred due to his little shenanigan at the date he never talked to you about.
    • Not being exclusive doesn’t mean he can do whatever he likes with your feelings. He is not a kid. He understands how you feel for him very well, and yet he did not think twice before he slept with someone else.
    • Take a temporary exit from his life until he realizes his mistake and comes back to you. However, you should think this through. Do you really want a relationship with this guy?
  1. Have a conversation about the future of this relationship: Now, this might scare him, especially if he is a person with commitment issues like Chandler from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. But you need to have this conversation for the sake of your sanity.
    • You want a serious relationship, and this non-exclusive thing is driving you crazy. Your situation is understandable.
    • He needs to know how you feel and where you stand relationship-wise. Talk to him about the future of this relationship. Talk about where you guys see each other in the near future.
    • Tell him that you don’t want to fool around with him anymore. Ask him if he can offer a serious relationship.
    • The conversation might scare him, but he has to deal with it. If he freaks out and runs away, you will know your answer.  
  1. Break up if it is too uncomfortable: Him sleeping with someone else and also with you might make you uncomfortable. It is perfectly all right to feel like that. The relationship was not that deep, anyway. You can always break up with him.
    • Break up with him if his misadventures make you uncomfortable. You don’t have to take this, especially when you have feelings for this person.
    • It will hurt a bit to end whatever strange relationship you had with each other, but that’s for the best. You can’t stay with a person who wants different things in life.
    • Let’s accept it. He wants to have a casual fling, breezy affair while you want a serious relationship. Things don’t match here. It’s better to end it once and for all.


Here are a few things to remember:

  • Don’t forbid him from sleeping around. I know it makes you feel bad, but he has the right to sleep with other people as long as you are not exclusive.
  • Think about getting into a relationship with this guy who has absolute disregard for your feelings and sleeps around with other people.
  • Make a quiet exit from his life and never return, even if he asks you a hundred times. He did what he did intentionally, without thinking about your feelings. It is not your responsibility to be the bigger person all the time.

About the Author

Nirajana Mukherjee

Nirajana Mukherjee has been helping people find out their relationship queries since 2019. At Relationshippp she loved to talk about topics related to Dating, Affairs, Attraction, and Breakups. Her work can be seen in RelationshipExplained - A Renowned Relationship Blog. Nirajana has a Masters in English literature from St. Xavier's University.
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