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Girlfriend Slept With Someone Else Before We Were Official

Feature Image of Girlfriend Slept With Someone Else Before We Were OfficialIt is okay to be upset about your girlfriend when she slept with someone else before you guys were official. But technically, she is allowed to do so, as you guys are not exclusive yet. This opens up a can of uncomfortable questions that you will have to deal with.

In this article, I will deal with the reasons why she slept with someone else before you guys were official. This article will also offer you advice and ways to deal with the situation effectively. Read on.

Why did she sleep with someone else?

  1. She is not serious about you: She slept with someone else because she is not that serious about you. She thinks you are just another fling and wants to keep things casual.
    • Right now, she is not serious about you or anyone else. She is probably dating other people simultaneously.
    • She slept with someone else because that was what she wanted to do. It was her conscious decision.
    • She would not feel guilty for sleeping with someone else because she doesn’t think of you as a partner yet. You are someone who has gone on a few dates with her. That’s it; that’s who you are.
  1. You guys aren’t exclusive: She slept with another person clearly because you guys are not exclusive. Being exclusive would have pushed you guys into a relationship with unwritten yet important rules of conduct.
    • Not being exclusive gives her the right to date or sleep with anyone she wants. She can do anything, and that, ideally, should not make you feel miserable.
    • However, the heart does not always follow logical reasoning. Your emotions make you feel bad because she behaves like you do not matter.
    • You will not be able to blame her even if she chooses someone else over you after going on several dates.
    • Going on dates doesn’t ensure your position in her life as a romantic partner. It is totally up to her at this point.
  1. She is not answerable to you: Technically, she can sleep with other people when you guys are official. She is not answerable to anyone for that. Asking questions about her personal affairs might reduce your chance of getting into a relationship with her.
    • Why would she be answerable to you or anyone else? This is her life, and she can do whatever she wants with it.
    • She is an adult who is capable of making decisions on her own. She can date several people simultaneously if she wants. You can’t really do anything about that.
    • Things like this might seem immoral or wrong to you or anyone else. But for her, this is the right way to do things.
    • She wants to date her way into finding “the one.” If she doesn’t find that flare she wants in you, she will move on as fast as a cheetah.
  1. She is not that into you: Well, she is not that into you, and that is why she chose to sleep with someone else.
    • She liked you on the first date. Maybe she placed her hand on yours for a while. You may have kissed her outside her apartment, but that is not a license for a romantic relationship.
    • She might change her mind about you when she finds a better person to date. She slept with them because she is not that into you anymore.
    • She wants to step out of this quarter of a relationship you have. Sleeping with someone else ensures that she does not care about your feelings anymore.
  1. She is exploring her options: She slept with someone else before you were official because she wants to explore her options. She is looking for the perfect partner.
    • She wants to have options when it comes to choosing the right romantic partner. You are an option, and so is the one she slept with.
    • There is no reason to think you have a special place in her heart. At this stage, what you have with her cannot be called a relationship.
    • She has the right to explore her options when you are not exclusive. She needs to find the perfect person, and it seems you are probably not the one yet.
  1. You are just another rebound guy for her: She does not have romantic feelings for you. She dates you and (many others) just to feel good after breaking up with her ex-partner.
    • You are a rebound person. You came into her life right after she broke out of a serious relationship.
    • She is not in a very “relationshippy (a word that Phoebe coined in F.R.I.E.N.D.S)” place now. Therefore, she has no romantic feelings for you. You are someone she can go on dates with. You are there so that she never feels alone.
    • Just like you, there are other people she dates to forget about the breakup. You may never turn out to be “the one” for her. She will probably ghost you after a while. She might even forget you when she finds true love again.
  1. She likes the other person more: She slept with someone else because she likes that person more than she likes you. Your feelings did not bother her when she decided to sleep with the other person.
    • It is not that she does not like you. She likes the other person more.
    • She knows you would feel bad if she slept with someone else. But she did it anyway because your feelings don’t matter anymore.
    • You have lost the race to her heart to this new person. They might have made her feel more special. They might have done or said something that you never thought of.
    • She was looking for the perfect partner, and she probably just found one in the other person. Don’t be surprised when she starts ghosting you or blocks you after a few days.
  1. She doesn’t want a serious relationship: She is not interested in serious relationships. All she wants is a fling. That’s why she slept with someone else before you were official.
    • This relationship might never get official as she is not interested in a serious relationship. She wants to keep things breezy.
    • She slept with another person because she found them attractive. It’s not that she loves them. She does not love you either.
    • She did this before you were official because she is allowed to do that when she is not in an exclusive relationship. You have got nothing to yell about.
    • She probably has commitment issues (like Chandler). The idea of a serious relationship freaks her out and she ends up hurting a potential partner. In this case, it was you.
    • The moment things started getting serious between you two, she slept with another person to sabotage the relationship. She does that all the time, and maybe that is why she has never been in a long-term relationship.

What to do when she sleeps with someone else before you are official?

  1. Talk to her about it: You are here because her activities make you feel a bit uncomfortable. You can talk to her about it.
    • Just like she has the right to do whatever she wants before getting official, you, too, have the right to feel uncomfortable about it. She slept with someone else. Now that she wants to act like everything is normal between you guys, you can tell her how uncomfortable she makes you.
    • You can ask her why she did what she did. Ask her about this other person and what makes them so special that she had to jeopardize whatever was going on between you two for them.
    • You can also talk to her about how you feel and how bad you felt when you found out about her little side adventure.
    • However, don’t try to make her feel bad by saying cheesy sentences from rom-coms. Chances are there that such lines won’t work on her, especially if she is looking for a casual fling.
  1. Ask if she is serious about you: You can ask her how she feels about you. That way, you will know whether she is serious about you or not.
    • You guys are not on the same page when it comes to a relationship. You are pretty much serious about whatever connection you have with her, while she isn’t.
    • She likes hanging out with you, but she loves sleeping with the other person. She visits the zoo with someone else and has another person for movie dates. She likes to keep things casual, and if that is not your cup of tea, you can ask if she is serious about you. However, brace yourself for major disappointment.
    • How to ask her? Well, start with, “What do you think of me as a potential partner?” Deeper into the conversation, you can ask questions like, “Are you serious about this relationship?” or, “Do you want to make things official?”
    • You can also ask difficult questions like, “Where is this relationship going?” or, “Do you see a future with me?” or, “Where do you see us in a few years?”
  1. Try to make her jealous by doing the same: Do something similar to make her jealous. The job is to make her feel guilty. You don’t have to sleep around with people for that. However, if she is not that into you or is looking for a casual fling, she might remain unaffected by whatever plan you have hatched to make her feel jealous. Here are a few things you can do.
    • You can start dating someone else simultaneously (who knows, you might find your one true love this way if you are looking for it).
    • Take the help of lies (a few little white lies won’t hurt). Lie to her about sleeping with someone else when she tries to get cozy with you. However, you need to be a good actor for this. Your lives need to be convincing enough to make her think.
    • When you guys are intimate, deliberately utter the name of another person instead of her. That will make her feel bad if she likes you.
    • Talk to her about the other person in your life all the time. When I say “all the time,” I mean it in a very literal sense. Talk to her about your other fling when you guys are intimate, on a date, or even while texting. Don’t stop talking about them until she gets weary of it and asks you to stop.
  1. Stop seeing her for a while: You can stop seeing her for a while to teach her a lesson. Your absence will make her think if she is into you. However, if she wants things to be casual, this method won’t have an effect on her.
    • Stop meeting her for the time being. Don’t satisfy her with an excuse. Take an abrupt exit. This might be difficult for you (especially if you like her), but it is the need of the hour. She should feel bad for a change.
    • If she insists on meeting you, stop taking her calls. Keep your phone switched off for a while after she calls you a few times. That will let her know you are trying to ignore her.
    • The same applies to the texts. Don’t reply to any of her texts (even if she says sorry). Try to make her feel bad by bringing a radio silence between you two.
    • However, if she is a stubborn person, she might come over to your place for explanations. If that happens, talk to her in the coldest way possible. Don’t be yourself for a while, even if you want to.
  1. Ask if she likes someone else: Ask her if she likes the other person whom she slept with before you two were official. She should be with the one she likes.
    • Everyone should be with a person they like. If she likes the other person, let her be with them.
    • Talk to her about what she wants. Say that your future depends on her decision. Tell her that ca proper closure can ensure your exit from her life.
    • Ask her to choose between the other person and you. Sleeping with someone else doesn’t always mean she is into them. She might still like you. The sleeping fiasco could have been a momentary thing.
    • Whatever the matter is, it can only be concluded with good conversation.
  1. Step out of her life: Step out of her life if you feel unwanted in this relationship. She slept with someone else before you were official. She disregarded your feelings. Do you still want to be in a non-relationship like this?
    • This is not even a proper relationship. What you guys have is the opposite of a relationship, and moreover, it is not official yet. If she slept with someone else, that clearly means she is somewhat interested in the other guy.
    • If your feelings are hurt due to this, you can always go for a mature conversation, but that won’t help if she wants things to stay casual. The best thing to do is to leave her alone with the other guy and take an exit.
    • It will be difficult to let go of her, but that is what you need to do for your sanity. Being in a complicated relationship will take a toll on your mental health if you are a romantic at heart.
    • Stepping out of her life gracefully is the best thing to do when she disregards your feelings repeatedly. However, if you desperately want a win out of this, you can throw a harsh word or two at her while you leave. But don’t abuse her verbally. That is problematic.
  1. Don’t nag: Stop nagging her into feeling sorry for you. She slept with someone else because you guys were not exclusive, and that gave her the right to do so. If that makes you feel so bad, talk to her like the adult you are.
    • Nagging will make you look juvenile. You can’t nag someone into loving you. You might like her too much to let her go, but you should also take her feelings into account.
    • Leave her alone if she wants a casual fling. She does not want to be in a serious relationship right now.
    • You can’t make her do things she does not like by making her feel bad. It will just be like forcing someone to do something they don’t want.
    • I know you feel bad about losing her to someone else. Your feelings for her are quite explicit by now. However, you are no Daemon Targaryen (from House of the Dragon), and this is twenty-first-century real life. You can’t get away with questionable behavior. Certain things might even put you behind bars. So, look before you leap.
  1. Move on: This is the best thing to do. Move on if you can’t have her. She is clearly not interested in you anymore. What are you still doing in her life?
    • Try to think of a life without her. There are so many things to be happy about. She is not the only light in your life. You guys only started dating a few days ago.
    • Don’t act like a Disney prince who believes in happily ever afters and falls in love in two seconds. You are probably not in love with her. It’s all in your head.
    • Try to focus on other things now that you have left her. Thoughts about her will come to your mind but don’t let that engulf you in sorrow and depression.
    • Try to move on after a while. The more you think about her, the more detached you will get from reality. It’s sad that she broke your heart but look at the bright side. Now you are free to look for “the one.”


Things to remember:

  • DO NOT threaten her in any circumstance. Don’t make her feel unsafe around you.
  • Don’t pester her into a relationship. A forced relationship falls apart in the most miserable ways. It will be an epic failure.
  • Don’t spread rumors about her, especially when you guys were never official.
  • Don’t say that you love her or that you want to marry her someday. She will run away from you faster than a cheetah if she has commitment issues.

About the Author

Nirajana Mukherjee

Nirajana Mukherjee has been helping people find out their relationship queries since 2019. At Relationshippp she loved to talk about topics related to Dating, Affairs, Attraction, and Breakups. Her work can be seen in RelationshipExplained - A Renowned Relationship Blog. Nirajana has a Masters in English literature from St. Xavier's University.
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