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My Long-distance Girlfriend is Being Distant (Why & What to Do)

Feature Image of My Long-distance Girlfriend is Being DistantShe has found someone else with whom she can spend more real-time than virtual calls, and the guy is keeping her happy. She is still trying to figure out how to tell you this. She is hoping that you take the hint and rest the matter without questioning you about it. However, if you seek clarity, open up to her about it. She owes you clarity.

In this blog post, I will help you figure out why your long-distance girlfriend is distant and what you can do about it. Happy reading.

Reasons why your long-distance girlfriend is being distant

  1. She is bored of you: To maintain a long-distance relationship is very difficult. Constant communication and efforts are needed to keep the spark ignited. The moment you get single-word replies, short phrases, and a lack of emojis, you know that your girlfriend needs a change of air.
    • Communication can become effective when done right. You can skip the “what did you have for breakfast?”, “how was your day?” and boring conversation. You don’t need to play the mentor all the time. Instead, make her feel desirable through your words.
    • Try to make things interesting by doing things together. Shop online with your girlfriend. Take her help in picking up things. Make her advice feel worth it. When you ask for your girlfriend’s opinion and value her words, she will feel appreciated.
    • There are many ways of killing boredom. You can connect with her on video calls and prepare the same meal together. Sharing a similar experience, even with the long distance, will help you to shun the distance. 
    • Rather than picking a serious tone all the time, use light humor. Staying cheerful is the key. Don’t get antsy easily. If she likes to read, you can join a book club together. Such online clubs and social circles will widen your possibility for unhindered communication.
  1. She has found someone else: You can’t underestimate the possibility that your girlfriend might have come across someone who has posed as the prince charming in her life. She is so overwhelmed by this new turn of events that she doesn’t understand how to talk to you about it.
    • Getting dumped in a long-distance relationship is common. The moment one of the partners comes across someone more attractive and reachable, they rush on setting about a new beginning with them.
    • However, this does not make your case hopeless. There is a good chance she will find a pack of flaws in that guy and come to square one with you. The girl returns mostly if you have been dating for many years. 
    • She will like to keep you as her friend even if she decides to move on with someone else. Girls love to bask in protection, and if she has always felt secure with you, they will become distant but won’t cut you off completely from her life.
  1. She feels you are distant: A communication gap might make both of you feel that the other is being distant. The flaw is either miscommunication or a communication gap. This usually happens when you start keeping such high expectations from people that you assume they would know your intentions and actions beforehand.
    • One of the silliest reasons for failure in relationships has been high expectations. Just because someone loves us, we begin to expect that they would know us inside out. In the process, we forget that had anyone known us completely, they might not have fallen for us so deeply.
    • You need to speak your heart out to people. They will understand your emotions. You can expect them to empathize with you. But to keep a sense of telepathy is blinding yourself. 
    • This might be the case with your girlfriend. She expects you to know or realize why she is being distant. It might be something you said, or you forgot to tell her that was hurtful. 
    • You have two options here. Either you recall your words and actions to estimate what went wrong, or you ask her about it. The purpose should be made crystal clear. It is to resolve the matter at hand.
  1. She is disturbed: Your girlfriend might be sounding distant because she is undergoing a crisis. It could be social, financial, or domestic. The best way here is to wait for her to open up and assure her that you have her back.
    • You can try giving prompts to your girlfriend to encourage her to open up with you. If she trusts you enough, she will narrate everything eventually. If not, you can help her learn to trust you by checking up on her, not judging her, and supporting her endeavors.
    • A long-distance relationship flourishes on an unsaid level of understanding that the lovers share between themselves. If you never had the opportunity to test the ground for understanding, or if something has shaken the foundation recently, it might be difficult for either of you to trust again and share problems the way you used to.
  1. She craves intimacy: The possibility of longing and wanting to get intimate in a long-distance relationship is constant and never fails to make things complicated. You are constantly fighting the urge to cheat on your partner. Your girlfriend might be tugging one such battle.
    • The dilemma lies standstill between craving intimacy in general and craving intimacy with you. If she is craving you in bed with her, she won’t cheat on you. Rather she would get horny, share semi-n#de selfies, and talk dirty with you.
    • However, when she finds craving intimacy with you an impossible step, she knows that it is not realistically possible and that it is high time she dwells out of her fantasized world. She might grow distant.
    • In such moments, she might also question your lack of romanticism or need to get intimate. She might think that you have taken her to be your sidekick. This might make her feel sick if she has been faithful to you.
    • Hence, in relationships, you must send missing notes of all levels to your partner. They must not feel abandoned or stranded, even for a moment. The grain of doubt once originated is hard to let go of.
  1. She has cheated on you: your girlfriend might be guilty of cheating. While it might have been night stand, she knows that something changed that night. A guilty conscience is hard to overcome by the one committed by and more so by the one committed on.
    • Your girlfriend’s behavior could be radically understood and analyzed as that of one who has cheated on her lover in the spark of the moment incident. It was not planned, or else she wouldn’t have felt guilty about it.
    • The highest chances are that she was a happy drunk and someone approached her, most possibly a handsome dude, and she did not mind giving herself away for that one night. 
    • Self-control is never easy to master. If she ever confesses this before you, perhaps rather than getting fiery and mad at her, take a moment’s pause and ask yourself if you aren’t human enough to commit such follies.
    • Sometimes the course of true love is all about forgiving and loving selflessly. What you give is bound to come back to you. 
  1. You have stopped putting effort: If your girlfriend feels that the equation has become more one-sided, that is, if she has been the one to take the initiative and make it worthwhile, while from your end, the efforts have been null, she might have decided it one day to put her efforts at rest.
    • When the love is initiated from both ends, but midway through the journey, it becomes unilateral, and multiple difficulties would arise. Putting efforts can be done in many ways. Most of the time, lending them your ears and making them know you are available for them around the clock is enough.
    • While at other times, pampering them without any occasion to show how grateful you are for their mere existence and acceptance of you in their world is rewarding.  The goal is to make your space in their life special. They must know that nobody can share that space or replace them.
  1. She is throwing tantrums: Perhaps your girlfriend is in the mood to pull your leg, make you desperate, and force you to rack your brains into overindulging her with love and care. This is when she begins to throw tantrums. Another possible cause for this could be that she is on her monthly cycle.
    • Throwing tantrums mostly fall under a pattern. It wouldn’t be out of the blue that she is doing it. The primary purpose is to seek attention. She wants you to make her feel through your actions what she means to you.
    • Think of a child craving your undisputed focus on whatever he wants to tell. He might choose not to spell it out to you. He purposefully wants you to beg. He wants you to tell him in front of all the other children that he is the most loving child in the world.
    • You might feel all these to be sickening. However, sometimes you have to be that immature and share the space they have designed for you. If you attempt to rationalize things here, it might lead to both of your heartbreaks for unreasonable causes.
  1. She is busy: There is a strong possibility that an emergency has shown up, or she is thoroughly engaged in completing her pending work. The deadline has passed, and in a way, she blames you for it.
    • Some of the most common elements between a long-term and a short-term relationship are discrepancy, disagreements, and blaming each other for one’s negligence. 
    • Your girlfriend might feel unable to keep up with her work because she is always busy talking to you. In a way, for all the wrong things that are happening in her life, she will blame you. 
    • The accusations are groundless. Hence, she won’t discuss it with you. But at the back of the mind, she is shooting all the arrows at you. This can be alarming because, eventually, she will begin to hate you.
    • If you decide to catch up later, it will be too late. She will ask you where you are when she needs you. Hence, don’t take much time and talk things out.
  1. She is planning to give you a surprise visit: Your girlfriend is pausing to make you anxious as that would make a good surprise when she visits you. If Christmas or some festive occasion is around, she might be thinking along those lines to surprise you.
    • If your girlfriend always gets too excited about surprises and too sad if those surprises fail to please you, she might be planning one for you. People who take surprises seriously love to plan them, so the receiving end has no clue about them.
    • You might text her seriously and tell her that feeling unloved for ten days is not worth an eleventh-day surprise. Try to explain what talking to her through the day means to you.
  1. You forgot to wish her: If you forget a special day of your girlfriend, she might take it to heart. This could be her graduation day, her exam day, her birthday, or something that means a great deal to her
    • The most difficult part f maintaining a relationship is remembering all types of dates, especially when it means much to the person on the receiving end. Their mood shall automatically be affected when you fail to remember their dates. 
    • Trying to recall if you missed anything that might be significant to them and sending flowers to console them for your negligence would be the right path to take here.
  1. She saw your photos with someone else: if your girlfriend came across your photos with someone else, that is, you were tagged by someone you haven’t mentioned to her, and there were too many love reactions, she might start assuming things rather than confronting you.
    • Maintaining trust s the core of a long-distance relationship. You need to take extra care and be overprotective about it. The day you plan to let go or lighten the grip, things will change in a blink.
    • The conviction to make the relationship sustaining should come from both ends. When one of the two people merely continues the relationship because the other is constantly putting in the effort, they get indifferent.
  1. She has a change of plans: There is a possibility that your girlfriend’s manifestation of her future goals is devoid of you. While at the onset of the relationship, she was hoping to lead a life with you on a more prominently physical basis, some current situations might have dictated otherwise.
    • It gets difficult to confess that the promised promises will not be fulfilled. Life is a tale of strange happenings, and some events in the recent present might have made it difficult for her to make an alternative call.
    • Calling her or perhaps visiting her to fetch a coherent closure is justifiable here. She might break before you. Remember, there is always a way out of every problem. You need to widen your perspective.
  1. It is collapsing her clockwork: If your girlfriend stays up through the night to give you company after work or early morning due to differences in time zones, but you never burn the night oil for her, she might not think of it as to be worth it anymore.
    • Burning the midnight oil becomes challenging when the work hours are tedious and long. If the day has not been rewarding, then despite wanting to talk about it, she might decide to sleep on it. 
    • This is where the tables have turned, and you must take it as your responsibility to be there with her at the hours which is more convenient for her than it is for you. Prove to her that you are selfless in love, and you might as well win her heart all over again.

What to do when your long-distance girlfriend is being distant?

  1. Ask her why she is off: You must take the initiative to sort out things with your girlfriend. Dragging something into your mind will make you anxious. Approaching her directly will make it convenient.
    • Why complicate things when there is an easy way out? Communication is the basis of everything. You must do it as effectively as possible. Rather than wondering in your mind, pick up your phone and give her a call.
    • Don’t get too excited or nervous about it. Maintain your tempo. Listen to her words attentively and try to understand where things are going wrong. Bear in mind that your motive is to fix things right.
  1. Give her a surprise visit: If you feel it is the distance that is doing the damage in your relationship, perhaps it is time to reduce it. Visit her to show her how much she means to you and how crazy she drives you in her absence.
    • Try not to visit for a brief period if she insists you stay for a while. Spending some time together will help rejuvenate memories and bring you closer again. 
    • Try not to visit empty-handed. Perhaps carry something that she is fond of. It could be her favorite desserts, a book, or some flowers. Be romantic in your gesture so that she feels that it is a thoughtful attempt made out of love and not a desperate one.
  1. Send her letters: If daily communication has become boring, perhaps give it a nice turn. Rather than chatting, start writing letters to one another. This old-school way will take its time to get delivered.
    • It could be done every week where you share your entire week's thoughts. This would never fail to be romantic and exciting. It will give you new insights as you share things in retrospect rather than impromptu. 
    • Certain not-so-important things will find an escape from the page. The sum of it will be meaningful and heart-touching. Besides, both of you will become pen pals, and you will enjoy doing it.
  1. Stalk her accounts: An indirect way of getting the hang of what is going on in your girlfriend’s life is to check her social media accounts. This will be more helpful if your girlfriend is a socialite. An introvert won’t share updates from her life. An extrovert, on the other hand, will keep her accounts heavily bulked.
    • It will give you prompts about where your girlfriend is spending her time and with whom. Even if it is a business seminar, she might be tagged in some posts. You will get hints, and it will satiate your curiosity.
  1. Give her some time to come around: Sometimes, the last resort is to have patience. When you know you are helpless, there is nothing you say, or you do that will make any difference. Everything has been tried and tested, and you know the pattern of it by heart.
    • In such cases, it is better to let her be. It is evident to make her realize your importance in your absence. She should feel the inclination to know what is going on in her life. It should not be that you burn alone while she basks in the sunshine. 
    • When the need is mutual, all actions would be effortless. The problem begins when you become stubborn in your pursuits or at the lack of it. Try to be dynamic in life. Still, the water runs deep, but it is the meandering stream that delights.
  1. Make the relationship official if she is feeling insecure: Sometimes, we feel that we are not valued as much as we would like to be. It is human nature to cling to people and dream of their future with these people. However, when no such discussions are made, we begin to feel that we have been hopelessly dreaming.
    • Your girlfriend might be feeling the same if you become evasive every time she mentions the plan. This, in turn, might upset her. The act of getting more distant is to throw the idea of building a future with you away into the deep waters.
    • However, if you have plans and want to keep her with you in the present and the future, perhaps it is time to make your relationship official. It will be a remarkable move as it will send the message that you are on the same page and she is not riding the boat alone.
  1. Plan virtual movie dates with her: When things get monotonous and the distance is too much to erase, make things virtual. It could be through movie dates, food dates, virtual makeout sessions, etc.
    • Ever considered sending a toy to ease your girlfriend's sexual tension when you are not available to do it yourself? Think how attractive it will look. She will be more open to you when you acknowledge her sexuality and make it your responsibility to please her.
    • Similarly, watching and reading the same things together will give you space for meaningful exchanges. You will have long and timeless conversations about relatable themes and life experiences.
  1. Look within: It is high time you introspect and find out where you are going wrong. Not everything is meant to be said. Acknowledge your imperfections and work on them to better suit her.
    • Perhaps send your girlfriend a list of your flaws and tell her that you know you are one of the imperfect men out there. 
    • But the subtle difference lies in the willingness to change, upgrade, and modify yourself as per the need and requirements of your relationship.
    • If she understands this, and if your actions match your words, you will turn out to be the most eligible man for her.


Here are a few things to keep in mind:

  • Never panic in any situation, or you will not be able to make sound decisions. Remember, in your case, the distance between you and your girlfriend is the major hindrance. Think of ways to reduce it, if not physically, then at least mentally.
  • Love knows no bounds and has no languages. When your girlfriend is not spelling out the problem, consider making assumptions and taking the initiative to mend the hypothetical situation.
  • You cannot force someone to stay committed to you. It has to be natural and willing. Anything hypocritical will compromise your peace.

About the Author

Suprity Acharyya

Suprity is the editor-in-chief of Relationshippp and its parent site RelationshipExplained. She overlooks the end-to-end editorial publishing pipeline. She has a Bachelor's Degree in English and did her Master's in Social Welfare Management.
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