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Jealous of My Girlfriend’s Past Hookups (Why & How to Get Over)

Feature Image of Jealous of My Girlfriend’s Past HookupsYou are so jealous of your girlfriend’s past hookups because you think she is way out of your league. The people with whom she hooked up in the past seem to intimidate you. Your lack of self-worth makes this happen. Your incessant jealousy can affect the relationship in negative ways.

In this article, we will discuss if it is normal to be jealous of your girlfriend’s past. We will also discuss the reasons that make you jealous, along with ways to stop being jealous. Read on.

Why do I get jealous of my girlfriend’s past hookups?

  1. That’s because you live in the past: You are so jealous of your girlfriend’s past hookups because you tend to live in the past. You are too engrossed in who she has been with before, then your own relationship.
    • You seem to fixate on the past. Her past hookups do not matter anymore because she has moved on to a new relationship with you. Digging her past now will only lead to problems and fights.
    • You love to dig out people’s pasts to gain ammunition to attack them during a fight. It will be a mistake if you try to do this with your girlfriend. This is the worst way to win a fight.
    • She was with someone else before you, but that doesn’t mean she is still in love with them. She broke up with that other person before she met you.
    • Your fixation over the past might cost you this relationship one day if she grows tired of your tantrums. She might leave you for this eventually.
  1. You don’t trust her: You are jealous of your girlfriend’s past hookups because you don’t trust her. A relationship runs on trust. Without it, you are only driving toward a dead end.
    • Past hookups don’t define a person. Your girlfriend loves you. She doesn’t have romantic feelings for people she used to date in the distant past.
    • Her past hookups have nothing to do with your relationship. It only proves that you don’t trust her. You are scared that she will go back to her old relationship one day.
    • You stay in the constant fear of losing her to one of her hot ex-partners. You don’t seem to believe she is here with you in the present.
    • A relationship thrives on trust. You shouldn’t be in a relationship if you fail to trust her even once in your life. Eventually, your trust issues will create problems in the relationship, leading you to a breakup.
  1. Her ex-partners intimidate you: Her ex-partners intimidate you to the extent that you are extremely jealous of her past hookups. You think they are better than you in every way.
    • Your low self-worth is working wonders here. You are demeaning yourself while getting jealous of her past hookups.
    • You can’t let her past decide your future. There is absolutely no reason to get intimidated by a bunch of people who will not matter to her again. You, as her present partner, matter to her, and that counts more than anything.
    • You also have a past. Do you see her fixating on it all the time? She doesn’t focus on your past because she is confident about this relationship. Your former partners don’t intimidate her.
  1. You have low self-worth: You are concerned about your girlfriend’s past hookups because you have low self-worth. You think you don’t deserve her.
    • Well, that is not for you to decide. She is with you now, and that is important. You think you don’t deserve her. She would not have been your girlfriend if this was true.
    • You have low self-worth. You have been conditioned to think you deserve less. Your entire life has programmed you to think this way.
    • You can’t believe she loves you. For you, being in a relationship is like a dream come true. Your low self-worth lets you believe that people like your girlfriend can only be found in dreams.
    • You thought you would stay single forever.  Now that she is in your life, you feel overwhelmed. Her enigmatic presence makes you think she was just like this in her past relationships, and that makes you unreasonably jealous of her past hookups.
  1. You think she will leave you for them: It is clear that you don’t trust her, but this thought proves you don’t respect her either. You think she will dump you to get back to her old partners.
    • She is with you for a reason. She likes you for who you are. She might even be falling in love with you. But thoughts like this can ruin everything.
    • You are unknowingly trying to sabotage your own relationship. Do you think she will keep dating you once she knows what you think of her?
    • Your incessant jealousy has brought you here. Your jealousy will make her think twice about this relationship.
    • She will feel insulted when she learns what you think of her. You are basically suspecting her of cheating on you before she has done anything to harm you.
    • Insults like this often scar people for life. She will never forget this, even if you two manage to stay together. She will use it during fights as ammunition against you.
  1. She talks about her past relationship more than she needs to: You have a legit reason to be jealous of her past hookups if she talks too much about her past relationships. Nobody wants to hear the details of their partner’s past romantic shenanigans.
    • She discusses her past hookups more often than she needs to. That might make you jealous as she involuntarily creates a field for comparison.
    • Talking about old flames means she still remembers them fondly. She should be more focused on the present relationship.
    • Living in the past will ruin her relationship with you. The fact that you are here looking for answers signifies the beginning of degeneration. The damage done can be reversed, but you guys need to be quick.

Is it normal to be jealous of my girlfriend’s past?

It is normal when:

  1. She is still in contact with her exes: It is normal to be jealous of your girlfriend’s past hookups if she is still in contact with her ex-partners. It shows that she is not over her past yet.
    • People stay in contact with their ex-partners for various reasons. Whatever the reason is, it will make the present partner jealous.
    • She broke up with them, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be friends with them anymore. However, it is also true that being friends with an ex is a bit tricky. There is always a door open for the idea of reconciliation. Most people try to deny it, but this is the harsh truth.
    • If she willingly keeps in touch with an ex who still has feelings for her, she is basically cheating on you. She would never talk to you about this. Your jealousy, in this case reasonable.
  1. She compares you with her past hookups: Comparison is the worst way to deal with people.  It is okay to be jealous when she compares you with her past hookups.
    • When she compares you to her past hookups consciously, it means she is trying to hurt you on purpose. She knows what makes you feel the worst, and she uses it to the fullest. It is her way of winning fights.
    • She uses it unconsciously when she still remembers them. This can happen when you lack something that they used to have. For example, if they have a great sense of humor, she will remember them when she finds out you have none.
  1. She cheated on you once: It is okay to be jealous of her past hookups when she cheated on you once. She said she would never cheat on you again, but your trust is shaken.
    • Cheating in a relationship traumatizes the partner. They forget how to trust someone again. She cheated on you once. That incident shook this relationship to the core.
    • You can’t trust her again. It is normal to be jealous of her past hookups, especially if she had cheated on you with one of them.
    • Nevertheless, she came back to you. But that does not change the fact that she cheated on you and broke your trust. You will always be jealous of her past hookups unless you choose to unsee them. Things like these are not to be forgotten.

It isn’t normal when:

  1. She seems “too pretty” for you: The is nothing called being “too pretty.” This is just a lame excuse to be jealous of her past hookups. You want to restrict her life.
    • Beauty is all about perception. The person who seems pretty to you may not be pretty to someone else. There is nothing called “too pretty” when you are in love.
    • You just want to restrict the number of people she talks to, and this is the perfect excuse to accomplish that. If you convince her to stop talking to certain people who can be a potential threat to your relationship, your work is done.
    • All you need to do is make her feel guilty about your condition. The relationship you want is a prison for her. You are so jealous of her past hookups that you will go to any extent to stop her from talking to them, even if they are her friends now.
    • This will only cause the relationship to degenerate slowly. She will grow depressed and tired of your monotonous presence in her life and might break up with you eventually.
  1. She is friends with some of her exes: Being friends with ex-partners is not a new thing. It is not a reason for you to be jealous of her past hookups.
    • Being friends with ex-partners does not mean she is sleeping with them. You only imagine things, and that is fanning your jealousy.
    • Jealousy can destroy a relationship. You worked hard to make her fall for you. Do you really want to let it all go down the drain because of your incessant jealousy?
    • You are jealous of something that might never happen. It seems like you don’t even know your girlfriend. If you had known her, you would have also known that she would never cheat on you.
    • Your jealousy shows you do not trust her. Once she discovers that she might not want to be in this relationship with you as relationships thrive on trust and mutual respect. Right now, your relationship has none.
  1. She has a lot of male friends: Your girlfriend has a lot of male friends. That is not an opportunity to be jealous. They are just friends who happen to be men.
    • You are jealous for nothing. She has the right to have male friends. That does not mean she is sleeping with all of them.
    • You are acting a little paranoid with this jealousy thing. If you continue like this, your behavior will smother her sooner or later.
    • A relationship that constricts is not something people want to be a part of. She will soon try to get out of this relationship. Nobody wants to feel like they are tied down with strict rules to follow.
    • She wants to be in a normal relationship that lets her be who she is. You are making her life difficult with each passing day. She wants to be with her friends once in a while without your snide remarks and sarcastic comments.

How do I stop being jealous of my girlfriend’s past hookups?

  1. Stop living in the past: You need to stop living in her past. The past is devouring your present and future.
    • She hooked up with other guys in the past, but that does not mean anything anymore. She is with you now. She is in love with YOU.
    • Start focusing on what you have with her right now (for a change). Observe the little things she does for you instead of mumbling over her ex-partners.
    • You will feel much better once you start living in the present. Think about taking the relationship to the next level. Living in the past will only pull you back. It won’t let you progress.
  1. Try to value yourself: You are important. Try to value yourself. Your girlfriend is not “too pretty” for you. Her ex-partners are not that hot, either.
    • You guys are the perfect couple ─ this is what you should think. Instead, you fill up your head with negative thoughts that only make you miserable. You have zero self-worth.
    • You think she is “too pretty” for you. Beauty is relative. She might think of you in the same way. She is beautiful inside and out, and so are you. You do not have to judge yourself against all her past hookups.
    • She used to date conventionally hot guys. That is nothing to worry about, as she is dating you now. She broke up with them, right? Clearly, she was not happy with the bunch. She found love in you, and that matters.
  1. Talk to her about this: You need to have a conversation about this with your girlfriend. Tell her that you love her, but you are also jealous of her past hookups.
    • She might be able to help you. Talk to her about your problems. Be honest when you do so, and do not be scared to talk about your deepest and darkest fears.
    • Tell her that you have trust issues. She might be a little shocked to hear that, but if she loves you, she will try to help you get out of it.
    • Do not forget to tell her that you love her. An affectionate assurance from you once in a while will strengthen the relationship.
    • She will help you with facts that prove she is not interested in her ex-partners anymore. However, all this is possible only when she is a mature person with a calm mind.
    • Most people will get offended by this kind of conversation. Stick with her if she stays cool even after you admit that you do not trust her. She is going to shape you according to her preference (trust me when I say it is not a bad thing).
  1. Learn to trust her: You need to learn to trust her. She is not a bad person, and she is definitely not cheating on you. Your trust issues are entirely based on her past hookups, and honestly, that is not fair.
    • You do not have a reason to get all suspicious about her. Having a past is not a crime. Everybody has romantic pasts. Even you probably had one.
    • You will have to learn to trust her if you want this relationship to thrive. Till now, you have been hiding your trust issues from her. She is not a fool. She will soon see through you, and when that happens, the relationship will go for a toss.
    • She is not cheating on you with her past hookups. This is a truth you need to nail into your head. Suspecting her of adultery will be an insult that she might never forget.
    • She has every right to break up with you after such an insult. Nothing can be greater than a person’s self-respect. You struck a blow on that when you thought she could not be trusted due to her past hookups. Why are you still in a relationship with her?
  1. Get the help of a therapist: You have trust issues, and that too, about things that are impossible. Your problem has a name ─ “retroactive jealousy.” You need to consult a therapist immediately.
    • Retroactive jealousy makes one dig deep into their partner’s past. That is exactly what you are doing in your relationship. You are digging into your girlfriend’s past to learn more about her past hookups.
    • Your jealousy has rendered you insensitive to the extent that you mindlessly stalk the social media profiles of her ex-partners, looking for clues that could prove your girlfriend is cheating on you.
    • You have come to a conclusion first. Based on that, you are looking for evidence. Your condition needs medical attention. You need to see a therapist as soon as possible.
    • Talk to your therapist about everything you have thought and done these days. Talk to them about your trust issues, as that needs to be addressed as a priority.
    • Ask your therapist questions about retroactive jealousy. Learn more about your condition. Try to learn what it can do to your relationship if it is left untreated.
  1. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship: Not everything about your relationship is hopeless and bleak. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.
    • Feeling jealous of your girlfriend’s past hookups is absurd. She is in love with you. She is not going to sleep with her ex-partners again. She will not sleep with them even if she is still friends with them.
    • You can focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, like the similar tastes you have when it comes to movies and books. Think about the good times you had binge-watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S in the middle of the night.
    • You can spend more time with her to make new memories. Plan a vacation to a city you have never visited. Hike through the less trodden paths of the nearest national park or take a stroll through the beach holding her hands.
    • There are numerous ways to be in love and feel loved. You need to focus on all the positivity that surrounds your relationship. Jealousy will only make your mind toxic. It will eventually ruin your relationship.


A few things to remember:

  • You probably have a condition called retroactive jealousy. Search for it on the internet a read up a bit. It will help you deal with your problems effectively.
  • It is best to consult a therapist for your problems. Trust issues can ruin relationships.
  • Try to live in your present. Living in the past will only bring pain and hopelessness.
  • Value yourself. She is with you for a reason. You have no reason to be jealous of her past hookups. She chose you over them. You have won (if it means anything to you).
  • It is not a crime to have a lot of male friends. Do not pick fights with her because she has male friends. Some of them can even be her ex-partners. Being friends with them does not mean she is sleeping with them behind your back.
  • You can talk to her about your relationship issues and ask for her help. However, do not insult her while doing this.

About the Author

Nirajana Mukherjee

Nirajana Mukherjee has been helping people find out their relationship queries since 2019. At Relationshippp she loved to talk about topics related to Dating, Affairs, Attraction, and Breakups. Her work can be seen in RelationshipExplained - A Renowned Relationship Blog. Nirajana has a Masters in English literature from St. Xavier's University.
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