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Girlfriend Says Hurtful Things When Drunk (ANSWERED)

Feature Image of Girlfriend Says Hurtful Things When DrunkShe had pent-up grudges against you for a long time, which found their way out of her mouth in the state of drunkenness. Rather than getting panic or losing your calm, it is wiser to understand the situation and help her fix the problem. 

In this blog post, I shall help you figure out why your girlfriend says hurtful things when drunk and how you can resolve the matter.

Reasons why your girlfriend says hurtful things when drunk

  1. She is not happy with you: Perhaps your girlfriend is not happy with you. It can be for many reasons.
    • She might not be happy if you have been dating for a long time and your relationship has become monotonous. You don’t hate your partner or get out of love. You are bored.
    • In such cases, it becomes important to try something adventurous now and then. Go on outings, do water sports, go on movie dates, and make every moment count. 
    • Make her understand that boredom is a part of every relationship. It does not mean you give up on each other. This is where you stick together. It is a good opportunity to show what you mean for one another and how strong your bond is. 
  1. She gets intimidated: if your girlfriend lacks confidence or hasn’t been in bed many times before, she might find you intimidating. This is a general aspect of every relationship where one partner finds the other overpowering.
    • When you realize your partner is getting intimidated by you, hand over the control. 
    • If you allow your partner to take the lead and guide you further, they will find ease and comfort with you.
    • This is where having a friendly bond and dating someone of the same age helps regulate the conduct. When you are dating someone way younger than you, your partner would either be curious as a kid to discover more or too frightened to give a response.
  1. She has difficulty opening up with you: If your relationship is young and you made out too soon, she might wonder if it is all a fling or something meaningful.
    • When you intend to date someone for a long time, take your relationship slow. A moderate pace will help you get comfortable in each other’s cloth. 
    • Have all kinds of conversations, and share the experiences before leading your girlfriend to bed. Don’t make a rush out in the middle of the night. Never make them feel abandoned. 
    • After the live session, try to enjoy food together. Make her a nice breakfast, and bring it to bed. Let her know that she will be worshipped if she dates you.
    • Do everything to make it romantic rather than awkward or slow.
  1. You exceeded their expectations: We have certain expectations from our partners. When either of the partners surpasses the expectation in a good way, the other is so taken aback that they need time to absorb the process.
    • Imagine living a dream. That is what true love feels like. You are completely aware in all your sense when you are doing it.
    • The thought that it is too good to be true crosses their mind. They think, rethink how it started, and try to keep the pace in check.
    • In such cases, you must learn to bear with her. Give her time and reassurance. Check on her from time to time. Lend her your shoulders, and give her messages of reassurance.
    • Even knowing that you are there whenever she needs you is sometimes enough.
  1. She is going through a crisis: Perhaps the intimacy was her hour of need because she was heavily burdened by something unrelated to you. It could be personal, social, professional, or medical.
    • Try to catch up with her. Tell her sweet things. Ask her how she is doing in life. Take an interest in her work. Ask her to tell you about the people who matter.
    • When you start taking an interest in one another’s life, there is scope for expansion. You see how the other person behaves and works and find it amusing. The delightful prospect would bring both of you comfort.
  1. She has been dishonest: Your girlfriend reveals honest and brutal truths to you in an inebriated state. She is saying things that have been a concern for her for a long time.
    • If your girlfriend is a people pleaser and knows how to sugar-quote things well enough, you would never be able to see her dark self of her unless when she is caught off-guarded.
    • Perhaps the intoxicated state allowed her conscious and pretentious mind to rest. She is telling you everything that she should have told you before. At this point, it is important to understand that she doesn’t mean to hurt you. Also, she is not out of love for you, or she wouldn’t have continued being with you.
    • As humans, we judge other humans. That is natural. So if till now she never told you about certain habits and things that she doesn’t like about you, this is where you take notes and improve yourself. It is a golden opportunity, and the chances are that she won’t remember most of these by the next day.
  1. You mistreated her: If you ever ill-treated your girlfriend, and she forgave you for the same, she might be holding grudges against you despite it.
    • We forgive or try to forgive but don’t as easily forget. The latter takes a lot of time and a great dose of happy memories to drain the unhappy aspects.
    • If you ever humiliated your girlfriend, either privately or publicly, but she didn’t break up with you, or you guys started seeing each other again after the break-up, all the memories would flood her mind when she was high.
    • In such a case, it is better not to give a reaction because no reaction would be suitable. You need to hear her out without expressing any sense of annoyance. If anything, you should be truly sorry for your behavior.
  1. You have been distant from her: If you have not been able to spend as much time with your girlfriend as a girl in a new relationship would want her boyfriend to do, or if you haven’t made her feel very desirable lately, or if you had cheated on her in the past, or you check out other women openly, your girlfriend might be very angry with you, and must also feel distant from you.
    • When dating, we want our partner to make us feel desirable. It motivates us, keep us going, and helps us to stay good-humored. If, on the other hand, our partner does not pay much attention to us and compliments our friends or our neighbors, or even a celebrity, we might get pissed off at them. 
    • If you have been out of reach due to network issues, long-distance relationships, or work overload, she might feel that a weird distance has engulfed the space between you.
    • Spend more time with your girlfriend. Even when you cannot do it in person, do it virtually. Be connected on video calls, share your schedule with her, discuss and plan for the future, and post love letters to her. 
    • There are many ways to reduce the gap when you want to. If the other person does not share your enthusiasm even when you try your best, take the suggestion that a breakup is not far away.
  1. She does not excel at mincing words: your girlfriend was trying to discuss with you, perhaps what would have been a wholehearted conversation in her eyes, but her words failed her.
    • Language and communication is a funny business. Hence it becomes vital to pay attention to body language when someone is trying to say something.
    • There is always a possibility that whatever your girlfriend wanted to tell you did not come out right. She didn’t mean to be rude to you. Perhaps her voice gets louder when drunk, or she can’t find the correct words to articulate her description.
    • If you have been dating for a long, and you often drink together, then this might not be an out-of-the-blue situation. Think about her behavior and conduct when you took her out for a drink. Is there anything that you might have spoken about which triggered her into making such a response?
  1. She is snappy by nature: Some people are snappy by nature. Such people have zero tolerance towards anything nonsensical. Such people are straightforward and may come out as curt. However, they intend to keep the complications at bay, but they end up inviting them.
    • You should not blame someone for who they are. This is a misregulation that occurs in most relationships. Initially, they ignore and overlook other people's faults and flaws. However, with time they cannot take it anymore, and everything about their partner pierce their flesh to the core.
    • You will not be able to thrive in such a relationship. Remember, in any relationship, and you must learn to be accommodating. If you cannot give enough space to your partner to express themselves, you are better single.

What to do when your girlfriend says hurtful things when drunk?

  1. Tell her how you felt: When your girlfriend tells you hurtful things when she is drunk, you should express your feelings before her when she is sober. She is unaware that she has been hurting you with her words.
    • Depending upon the context, the approach to your girlfriend should be made. If her words are not directed toward you but still hurt you, it can be due to several factors. 
    • Perhaps your girlfriend’s words take you to your past experiences. There are a few things about it that trigger you. However, your girl is certainly unaware of it. 
    • She is your girlfriend and doesn’t mean to harm or hurt you. Whatever has been done is out of sheer ignorance and naivety. Tell her gently about your feelings, and she will be more mindful the next time.
  1. Console her: If your girlfriend is blubbering hurtful things because she is hurt or low, lend her your shoulders. Assure her that you have her back. Make her feel comfortable with you.
    • If your girlfriend has been suffering in silence, and the things she said are hurtful because you had no clue about what she is going through or has gone through in her life. 
    • It would imply that perhaps she doesn’t trust you enough to share her grievances and loss. This would be disheartening because it will break your heart to think that the equation you share with your girl might be lukewarm and not as strong as you had presumed it to be.
  1. Try to understand the root cause: whether she is having a serious problem with the relationship or it is just that she was having a bad day. Many people need to maintain a balance between their professional and personal life. So, if the disbalance is causing a rift, you can help her sort it out.
    • Understanding the root cause will prevent you from shooting arrows in the dark. Half of the work is done when you identify the problem. The chief task is to make your girlfriend talk. Unlike boys, who like to keep things uncomplicated, girls hesitate to talk about their concerns unless pushed a lot. 
    • The feminine urge that their male counterpart would understand all that goes through their mind is unsurpassable. However, this is where you sit with them and politely remind them that you are not a superhuman or wish you could have telepathy, but sadly, you can’t.
    • Always use a tinge of humor to convey your thoughts. You don't need to share her anxiety even when your girlfriend is getting all hyper about things. Your job is to keep calm and help her ease her thoughts.
  1. Keep her happy: Doing something every day to make each other smile will take you a long way. To show that you are indescribably and irrevocably in love with each other is enough to make one’s day.
    • The easiest way to your girlfriend’s heart is to make her feel loved. You can do this by making her feel appreciated. Even simple tokens of gratitude are enough to do so. Most women complain that their guys are quiet when it comes to giving compliments. It shouldn’t be that your share of compliments is given to her by someone else.
    • There are many ways to make your girlfriend happy. It can range from presenting her DIY goods to buying her sophisticated ornaments. The thought that you keep her at the back of your mind, that she holds a deep-seated meaning in your life, is enough to keep you going.
    • The problem occurs when one of the partners feels the other has taken them for granted. Hence, when life offers you opportunities to keep up with your partner and show them that they are the ones you regard most precious, utilize it without a second thought.
  1. Be more thoughtful: A common mistake we make in a relationship or while seeing someone is to get ultra comfortable with them. We don’t think right or left before we blur out our thoughts.
    • You can never know a person inside out. Hence there are many places where your thought process would differ from your partner's. In these places, you must put forth your opinion slowly. 
    • Sometimes, we forget that the person we are dating is not an integral part of ourselves and that they have their own choices and opinions. We try to overshadow their thought process with our understanding. While they might feel that they are trying to be more accommodating, a subconscious part is in disagreement to come to such an understanding. 
  1. Keep her sober: If your girlfriend loses herself completely when drunk, the wiser option is to keep her sober. To encourage her from not having alcohol, you can go on a hiatus along with her.
    • It is needless to state that alcohol is non-beneficial to health. If your girlfriend overindulges herself in liquor, you have full right to prevent her from doing so. 
    • You should approach her with a concern for her health and not direct it to her behavior. She must not feel that she is making you uncomfortable; therefore, you are trying to prevent her from drinking.
    • You need to choose the time and place when you do this. It should be appropriate. She should be calm and sober. It should be at a different time than the start of the day, which can lead to a heated conversation.
    • You should state it in passing first to see her reaction. Offer her a glass of sherry, and ask her to switch to wine and gin rather than whiskey or scotch. 
  1. Take her to counsel: Perhaps you can take her to counsel or suggest rehabilitation for detoxification. It will be a challenging talk. Convincing her would take a lot of effort on your part.
    • Before you remind her, you will have to remind and reassure yourself of the purpose of doing it. She will break down, get peevish, and might tell you more hurtful things. However, you must remember the ultimate purpose of doing it all in those hours.
    • You can support her by accompanying her to counsel. You can assure her that you will be waiting for her when she returns. Perhaps write letters for her with every day count, and present them to her in a box so that even if she goes for rehabilitation, she will read your letters every day and perhaps maintain a journal of how she felt and changed throughout her diary.
  1. Encourage her to talk: Miscommunication and a communication gap are equally bad. When your girlfriend suffers in silence, you must give her prompts and situations to make her talk.
    • Think of a child. They are curious but don’t know how to express themselves and share their emotions. The same case is with most introverts. Even though you are dating them, they don’t feel one with you.
    • In such cases, if and when you narrate a related experience, they open up. It encourages them as they feel they are not the odd ones out. 
    • Once they start opening up with you, you will become their safe place. They won’t easily hesitate not to share that which is hurting you. 
    • You will begin to understand the pattern of their train of thought and accordingly guide them out of the situations.
  1. Seek her friend’s help (if she is not opening up to you): When your girl is not opening up with you, it can be because of several reasons. However, if the need is urgent and you don’t understand what to do, take the help of a mutual friend or the girl’s best friend.
    • Your friend will bear good intentions in mind. They will try to help you out of the problem. There are things that women find convenient to share rather than with their partners.
    • Your friend may be able to give you indirect clues about what is bothering your girlfriend or help her out directly by offering her solace.
    • This does not indicate that your relationship is not strong. It means that both of you are too much in awe of each other, making it difficult to open up at times
  1. Take a break: If things are becoming more overwhelming for you than they are for your girlfriend, taking a break is a fair deal.
    • A break does not necessitate a breakup. It does not give the license to either of you to fun around the way Ross did when he was on break with Rachel. It does not indicate that you are out of love; it only means that you are too much in love. 
    • A break should be mutual lest it shall become a break-up. You both should understand the need to distance yourself from one another. It is natural to feel overwhelmed. A married couple visits their particular native place or spends time with family to revitalize their bond.


  • A relationship will have its ups and downs. Think of it as the relationship test. It is never too difficult, and you will easily sail through with a spoon of common sense and a little more patience.
  • If there are no fights or drama, then life is too good to be true. To feel things are real and to learn to keep reality in check, you must take things one at a time. When your girlfriend is saying hurtful things, don’t think about breaking up but try to figure out what can be done to resolve and fix the matter.
  • Never compare your relationship with others or your girl with another girl. Situations and circumstances differ. You must learn how to thrive in a given situation. There is no reason to make a rush or panic. 
  • There are days when the love of one person is enough for relationship sustenance over a period. This time allows the other partner to come back to their right mind. Once they are there, life will be a happy place again.

About the Author

Suprity Acharyya

Suprity is the editor-in-chief of Relationshippp and its parent site RelationshipExplained. She overlooks the end-to-end editorial publishing pipeline. She has a Bachelor's Degree in English and did her Master's in Social Welfare Management.
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