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My Boyfriend Doesn’t Open the Car Door for Me (Exact Reasons)

Feature Image of My Boyfriend Doesn’t Open the Car Door for MeIn today’s world, opening car doors for the partner is considered an archaic practice. It’s frowned upon and is often subjected to ridicule. He doesn’t open the car door for you, probably because he is unaware of or uncomfortable with the gesture. Try not to have unrealistic expectations from him.

In this article, we will discuss the practice of opening the car door for partners and why your boyfriend is so reluctant about the gesture. We will also talk about ways to deal with the situation. Read on.

Reasons why your boyfriend doesn’t open the car door for you

  1. He thinks it is not that important: He thinks opening the car door for you is not that important. He regards it as an unnecessary act of chivalry.
    • You think it is important, while he chooses to differ. Gestures like this are meaningless to him.
    • He probably won’t even offer you his coat when you feel cold. He thinks people should help themselves.
    • However, that doesn’t necessarily mean he dislikes you. He probably has affectionate feelings for you.
    • Trivial gestures like opening car doors shouldn’t be a parameter to judge him. He could be a great boyfriend.
    • Not everybody adheres to the unwritten rules of a romantic relationship. Think of him as a rebel.
  1. He thinks it is an archaic gesture: He thinks holding open car doors for the partner is an archaic gesture that needs to go away. He won’t participate in gestures that he doesn’t believe in.
    • Jax, the singer from New Jersey, in the lyrics of her song Like My Father, wrote: “I need a man who's patient and kind
      Gets out of the car and holds the door…”
      Unfortunately, your guy isn’t the one in her song. He has strong opinions about age-old customs and refuses to follow them.
    • Your boyfriend likes challenging practices that have been there for years. Opening car doors for a partner or a potential partner was considered chivalrous in the times of yore. He wants these ideas to stay in the past. He thinks that is where they belong.
    • He considers ancient practices like this unnecessary and wants to do away with them.
    • His opinions about the gesture don’t color his feelings for you. He won’t open the car door for you, but he will stay awake by your side when you fall sick.
  1. He is not a guy from the Regency Era: Britain went through the Regency Era from 1811 to 1820. The name comes from Prince Regent George, who served as a temporary monarch when his father, King George III, was unwell for nine years. This era was marked by the advent of new authors, artists, architecture, and art forms. The well-loved author Jane Austen wrote her masterpieces during this period. Her novels are a delight to the reader to date. Most of them had extremely well-behaved men and were groomed in the best way possible. They followed all the rules of social conduct and seemed perfect. One of her most famous male protagonists is Mr. Darcy from the novel Pride and Prejudice. He was a dreamy guy who was desired by many. Your boyfriend is not Mr. Darcy.
    • Your boyfriend and neither do you belong to the Regency Era. Expecting him to behave like a man from the past is absurd.
    • He never opens the car door for you. He has his reasons for that. His opinion must be respected as long as it doesn’t harm anybody.
    • It is understandable that you secretly wish for a partner like Mr. Darcy. But the twenty-first century might not be able to offer you that.
    • Your ideas about the ideal partner have been colored by the numerous times you watched the 2005 movie Pride and Prejudice. But this is the time to snap out of that fantasy. Men like Darcy can only be found in the pages of a Jane Austen book.
    • Your boyfriend cares for you. Not opening car doors cannot be a way to judge a person’s feelings.
  1. He knows nothing about these gestures: He is clueless about holding open car doors for his partner. Your boyfriend knows nothing about these gestures.
    • Now, this is not a crime. He may not know about things you consider important.
    • It depends on the different upbringing of people. You guys are two different individuals who had two very distinct families (or not). The things you learned growing up can be totally different from what he did.
    • He was probably never informed about such a romantic gesture. Nobody taught him how to present himself when in a relationship.
    • Again, this is not the time of yore, and relationships of the twenty-first century should be more informal. Things like holding open car doors and having perfect ball dances should not decide the fate of a relationship.
    • He likes you. Not knowing anything about formal romantic gestures doesn’t change that truth.
    • He won’t open the car door on his own. But he might attempt to do that if you ask him to.
  1. He thinks this relationship is too informal for him to do that: A perfect relationship should feel like home. He thinks this relationship is way too informal to do archaic acts of chivalry, like opening the car door.
    • You want him to make formal yet romantic gestures while he thinks otherwise. But that doesn’t necessarily mean he is trying to disrespect you. He likes you.
    • You believe in going out on dates to fancy restaurants and having expensive holidays in a place halfway across the world. He believes in having that ridiculously expensive pizza delivered at home to be enjoyed while re-watching a favorite movie for probably the hundredth time.
    • You guys want different things, and he is inclined towards the informal side. He wants a relationship to feel like home. Opening car doors for you is not something he will do willingly.
  1. You are not that important to him: He won't open the car door for you because you are not that important to him. He is losing interest in you.
    • Not all people have a problem with archaic practices. However, even though your boyfriend falls in the aforementioned category, he might not be interested in opening the car door for you.
    • He is probably not interested in you, and by extension, he is not interested in this relationship with you.
    • He would open the car door for someone he likes. He is done with this relationship and is probably looking for a new date.
    • If the gesture we are discussing is something he used to do in the past, you have your answer.
    • Sooner or later, he will break up with you, and it won't take much time for him to move on.
  1. He has taken you for granted: He used to make romantic gestures like opening the car door. He stopped since he started to take you for granted.
    • This can happen when you guys have been in a relationship for too long. However, there is no justification for taking someone for granted.
    • This can also happen when you have been too nice to him from the beginning. He thinks he no longer needs to show his affection for you.
    • He has stopped doing all the romantic things he used to do at the beginning of the relationship. He thinks he has charmed you for life.

What to do (or not to do) when your boyfriend wouldn’t open the car door for you?

  1. Ask if he knows anything about the gesture: If he doesn’t open the car door for you, simply ask if he knows anything about the gesture. He isn’t doing that, probably because he knows nothing about it.
    • Be polite when you question him about whether he knows about the gesture or not. Unnecessary harsh words can affect the relationship adversely.
    • You can also ask if he is willing to open the car door to make you feel good. He needs to be comfortable about practicing the gesture.
  1. Don’t judge him if he is unaware of it: Don’t be judgemental if you find him unaware of romantic gestures. Opening car doors for the partner is a widely accepted way of showing affection. However, it is perfectly all right to know nothing about it.
    • Your boyfriend has no clue about archaic romantic gestures like opening car doors. That is not a crime. He might know things that you don’t know. You can’t judge someone based on their knowledge or one tiny gesture.
    • Being judgemental might hurt him. There is no reason to think he likes you any less because he doesn’t open the car door for you. This is quite a trivial issue to get mad about.
    • You should not pass snide comments or throw that judgemental glare for his lack of awareness about romantic gestures. A relationship can be more than a few behavioral formalities.
  1. Don’t have unrealistic expectations: You can’t have unrealistic expectations of the relationship. Your boyfriend belongs to the twenty-first century. He might not be comfortable following an old rule to show his love for you.
    • Things that you are expecting happen mostly in movies. People these days don’t need to prove the credibility of their love by doing things that were found romantic in the Regency Era.
    • Your boyfriend never opens the car door for you, probably because he is against this idea. If you like this guy and want to be in the relationship, you must respect his feelings.
    • You wouldn’t like the idea of doing something against your belief. The same applies to this situation.
  1. Check if he still likes you: He has stopped making romantic gestures probably because he is not interested in you anymore. Check if he still likes you.
    • He used to be a romantic guy who held the car door open for you every time. But lately, his behavior concerns you because he has stopped doing that. This is probably because he has started to lose interest in you.
    • You need to check if he is still interested in you. You can talk to him about the issue.
    • You can also check if he is cheating on you. Find out if he is seeing someone else behind your back. The future of this relationship depends on this.
  1. Don’t make fun of him: Don’t ever make fun of someone’s lack of knowledge about an issue. He has the right to be unaware of romantic gestures.
    • Making fun of his lack of knowledge might backfire and jeopardize the relationship. He might not know about many things, but that doesn’t mean you are allowed to snigger about that.
    • You can impart knowledge instead. You can teach him how to do what you want. Opening car doors is not a difficult thing. However, his thoughts about the gesture should be kept in the account.
  1. Tell him what you want: Quit beating around the bush and tell him what you want. He might not be aware of your needs.
    • Opening car doors is an important gesture to you. If you want him to do that to make you feel good, ask him to do it.
    • He is not aware of your requirements. Communication is key here. He can’t read minds. He will never know until you talk to him about it.
  1. Open the car door for him instead: Do it yourself. He never opens the car door for you. Be the change and open the car door to make him feel special.
    • If he is unaware of the romantic gesture, open the car door to make him realize how nice it feels to have someone do it for you.
    • You opening the car door can lead him to do the same in the future. He probably doesn’t know how to make you feel good with romantic gestures. He needs a little nudge.
  1. Act out if he takes you for granted: Acting out sometimes brings desired results. However, you will have to do it right.
    • Act out if he takes you for granted. He needs to know how bad it made you feel.
    • You can stop talking to him for a few days (or weeks). This needs to be done carefully. You can use a common friend to know how he reacts to the no-contact situation.
    • You can yell at him. However, there is a thin line between yelling at someone and verbal abuse. Don’t cross that line. Don’t say things that might hurt him.
    • You can refuse to sleep with him until he fulfills your wish. Opening car doors can be silly for him, but he needs to realize that it is important to him. He can do it once or twice just to make you happy.


A few things to remember:

  • Men like Darcy are not easy to find. Your boyfriend is definitely not like that. If you are disappointed with your love life, it is better to step out before it is too late.
  • You can indulge in your Darcy fantasies by re-reading Jane Austen books and re-watching movies and shows based on those books.
  • You can also attempt to watch Bridgerton, the popular Netflix drama with an Emmy nomination set in the Regency Era and full of Darcy-like characters.
  • Talk to him about what you want. There is nothing better than conversation.

About the Author

Nirajana Mukherjee

Nirajana Mukherjee has been helping people find out their relationship queries since 2019. At Relationshippp she loved to talk about topics related to Dating, Affairs, Attraction, and Breakups. Her work can be seen in RelationshipExplained - A Renowned Relationship Blog. Nirajana has a Masters in English literature from St. Xavier's University.
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