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Male Coworker Suddenly Avoiding Me (Here's Why)

Feature Image of Male Coworker Suddenly Avoiding Me He might have discovered that you are in a mutual with someone he doesn't like. Since you were not great friends, he chose to stop talking to you right away rather than taking a chance to see if you were any different from that person.

In this blog post, I'll help you figure out why a male co-worker has suddenly stopped talking to you, and if it is hampering your working environment, what can you do to sort it out? Happy reading!

Reasons why a male coworker suddenly started avoiding you

  1. You are committed: A male co-worker tends to take an interest in you when he is under the impression that he stands a chance of getting laid.
    • Co-workers are of two types. One category would be that of pro-professionals. They did not like to mess around with the ones they worked with. Hence they will maintain their professional conduct. 
    • The second type desires to have a romantic relationship with one of their co-workers because that would avail them to spend more time together and give them a common area of interest.
    • When the guy belongs to the second group and discovers that you have a boyfriend, he starts avoiding you because he would try to seek attention from someone else who he deems to be single.
  1. He didn't like something about you: There can be certain attributes about us, such as the way we address someone, the way we carry ourselves, and our mood swings, that can be off-putting to others.
    • Your co-worker might not have liked something or how you said it. He might have considered it offensive without letting you know about it.
    • If this might be the case, or you are new at work, or he is now at work and is not feeling at home here, allow some time to pass.
    • When you are consistent in your behavior, the person will either put you in their good or bad books or come around with you after gaining perspective about your nature and understanding that they were not your target.
  1. You bad-worded him: If you went about making fun of the guy or telling things that he might have shared with you in confidence, he will not only avoid you but also have a sense of strong dislike towards you.
    • Words get around quickly in the office. Never have amusement at the cost of a person. 
    • If you have been insensitive and broken the co-worker’s trust by either overhearing and commenting on his personal life, sharing the pieces of information he might have shaheed with you in confidence or using him for your benefit, and he will feel heartbroken.
    • This will be a lesson for him, and he will start avoiding you and most of his co-workers out of embarrassment. 
  1. He finds you annoying: If you have a shrill voice or a burst of Janice-like laughter, or if you are a binge eater and fart openly, he might want to make a great distance from you.
    • People these days are all about liberals and conservatives. While some might make a living room out of the office, others might be very fussy about discipline.
    • If this co-worker falls into a different category of work ethics, he will take you to be the stark opposition of everything that he does not want to be.
    • Once he realized the ideologies or perhaps the lack thereof, he might have developed a distaste.
    • While you might be the less fussy one, and such an existence of binary might have escaped your notice, he couldn’t stand it.
  1. You throw airs: If you are one of those girls who throw air about themselves, and come across as too snob, a simple-minded co-worker who has toiled his way up the ladder will think it better to avoid you than to humor you.
    • Simple-minded people find it best to avoid petulant co-workers.
    • If you throw tantrums, judge people's looks, or show off your whereabouts, he will immediately divert his ways from you.
    • This doesn’t imply that you have harmed him in any possible way. It is their acceptance mode of lifestyle.
    • You will be surprised to see that their friend circle is not partygoers but people from the book and sports clubs. 
    • He is far from the materialistic world and more keen on everything thoughtful and enlightening.
  1. He doesn't fit your friend circle: If the co-worker’s upbringing, culture, and personality are at odds with your friend group, he might have started avoiding you.
    • While the office culture is hybrid and cosmopolitan, the friend circle might not be. 
    • If your friend circle is homogeneous and consists of either the elites or spoilt kids, the guy might find himself to be out of place with them.
    • It might have been that something specific about you had charmed him, but when he saw you with your group, he couldn’t match you up with the woman he had known in person.
    • We behave differently with different people. If you had shown your tender side or exposed your vulnerabilities before the guy, he might have had a soft heart for you.
    • However, when he saw you with other people, he might have felt that he couldn’t see through you. Such are the cases of obsessive people. They overthink so much that they spoil everything even before it all begins. 
  1. You got promoted: If this co-worker was expecting a promotion and was toiling hard for it, but you bag it, and in his eyes, he finds you undeserving for it, he might be too pissed off to either talk or congratulate you.
    • This would also mean that he was acting friendly to benefit from you. 
    • Try to collect what you used to talk about.
    • If your conversations were specifically curated to gain certain information, he might have tried to play Dwight Schrute from “The Office” and must be burnt out with jealousy when you leveled up despite his desperate attempts.
  1. His girlfriend doesn't like you: If the co-worker might have mentioned your name before his girlfriend, or worse, if she had seen your name in his frequent call log, she must have made it a point not to let you come any closer to him.
    • Girlfriends and wives can be pathetically insecure about their men. They have a zero-tolerance policy for any other woman besides perhaps their friends and sisters. Hence, don’t be too surprised if the guy explains later that it was his girlfriend who made it a point for him not to come near two feet you.
    • When a guy is committed, he might look for opportunities to flirt a little. While most modern relationships these days allow space for their partners, some of them don’t.
    • A jealous girlfriend will keep her relationship official. You could easily find out if the guy is seeing someone by browsing his social media handles. 
  1. Your boyfriend warned him to maintain distance: If your boyfriend is too possessive about you, he might have earned the co-worker after seeing that the co-worker has been stalking you or texting you a lot and asked him to keep his distance.
    • Boyfriends are adorable when they act overprotective toward their girlfriends.
    • However, this might sometimes make them too aggressive in their behavior with others.
    • When your boyfriend finds out that a co-worker has been reacting to all your posts and sending you texts such as “good morning” and “good night” regularly, he will make it a point to teach him a lesson.
    • You must keep an eye on your boyfriend and make him feel confident.
    • Regularly posting photos with him and keeping your relationship official will help you to regulate your boyfriend’s behavior.
    • It will give him confidence that others won’t try to hit on him if they know that you are committed.
  1. You changed your style: It might be that the guy doesn’t like your new style. If you have had a haircut or applied a dye, it might have made you less attractive to him.
    • Guys are attracted to looks. If they fall in love with you at first sight, and your appearance changes at second sight, they will fall out of love with you too. 
    • Guys are fickle-minded. One day, they might be feeling low and avoid you. The next day, they will feel good about life again and come around with you.

What to do when a male coworker suddenly starts avoiding you?

  1. Talk to him: It is better to communicate and clear your doubts rather than racking your brain when you have the opportunity.
    • Even when you feel that your co-worker might have been holding a grudge against you, it is advisable to ask him directly than making assumptions.
    • You can use a polite way to ask this. Say it directly in the following words, "I felt that something had been off lately. I am not certain if it is deliberate or unintended. If there is anything that you would like to clear out or share, I'm all ears."
    • This will ease the process and erase all the options of any possible dilemmas.
  1. Try to help him: If you feel that your co-worker is becoming distant to you as you have not been working on a joint project lately, perhaps find opportunities to either assist him in his work.
    • You need to look for opportunities where you can make interaction happen. It might happen that your co-worker felt he might be coming across as too pushy. 
    • He might have therefore thought of stepping back. He wants to see your reaction. If you like him, you will break the ice.
    • It is not necessary that you have to guide him. You can ask him to help you out instead. 
    • Asking for a favor is a beautiful thing. It will make him feel special. He might understand that you don't need his help, but you want to keep him close to yourself. 
  1. Observe: Be the Dwight Schrute or the Sherlock Holmes of your workplace, if you will. Keeping your eyes and brain open can fetch the details you need to fill in the gap.
    • When you become more attentive to the conversations about you, people who find ways to come close to you, the way they dress, the way they modulate their voice, and the people they gel with will tell you a great deal about the folks.
    • Many times we don't realize what which lays right before our eyes. Your eyes and mind assist you and bring you all the answers.
    • Having patience in this context is important. You can't be an observer and an impatient person simultaneously. It will make all your efforts futile.
  1. Act normal: When you notice a change in someone's behavior, it doesn't imply that you will change your behavior too.
    • Treating someone the way they treat you is natural.
    • But when you show kindness to someone indifferent or unkind, it makes you a true player. 
    • Your conduct will bring about either of the two reactions. 
    • Either the guy will confront you and tell you directly what is bothering him.
    • Or, he will mend his ways, understanding that there is no keeping you away.
  1. Drop him a text: (establish a non-formal relationship) You need to work on the grounds or modes to make your relationship unofficial for the further build-up of the feelings that you might have for him.
    • One of the simplest ways to do it is to drop him a text. 
    • Exchanging messages are inviting, and how they carry on the conversation tells you a great deal about their intent.
    • It will make things convenient for both of you. 
  1. Offer him food: The way to anyone's heart is through the stomach.
    • Whenever you want to make things right or impress someone, take them out for a fancy dinner or cook them their favorite meal.
    • Get to know what they enjoy eating, and make the plane accordingly. Once they are full stomachs, they will talk their heart out to you.
  1. Let your smile do the magic: Smile has a charm and power that we underestimate. Whenever you are in a rift where you want to sort things out, give the person a friendly smile.
    • Smiling can take you a long way.
    • Unless the person is too rude, they will smile back at you.
    • Eventually, you can open up and better your relationship. 
  1. Don't overthink: There is always the possibility that you are overanalyzing the matter.
    • Your co-worker might be going through a crisis that is keeping him depressed. 
    • Since you have been close to him, he might be avoiding you because he neither wants trouble nor attention. 
    • However, to be a true friend to him, you must tell him to share his problems with you. 
    • A good listener makes the best of friends. 


Here are a few things to keep in mind:

  • Never act as a bully in a working space or otherwise. Try to maintain a cordial relationship with everyone, and smile cheerfully to give a welcoming disposition to others.
  • Don’t overthink about your colleagues and co-workers until and unless they break into a rift with you directly. Remember, your office work is already too stressful to handle.
  • Try not to overindulge with people in the professional circle. Intermingling the professional and the personal is the worst kind of a mess, and it is best to avoid it.
  • Have patience, as time brings all the answers. You won’t have to go about racking your brains to find out what might have caused disappointment. People think in various ways. Keep your intentions kindhearted.
  • If your boyfriend might have behaved aggressively with your co-worker, try to talk him out of his insecurities. 

About the Author

Suprity Acharyya

Suprity is the editor-in-chief of Relationshippp and its parent site RelationshipExplained. She overlooks the end-to-end editorial publishing pipeline. She has a Bachelor's Degree in English and did her Master's in Social Welfare Management.
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