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She Loves Me But Shows No Affection (What Does it Mean)

Feature Image of She Loves Me But Shows No AffectionYou may have reached that point in your relationship where you have become a part of yourself. She loves you so much that she knows words might not do justice to her feeling. she likes to be with you effortlessly and expects you to do the same.

When your relationship starts getting old, you might stop receiving "good morning" or "good night" messages. The constant inflow of texts to show how much you are loved and cherished comes to a halt. You might wonder, "What changed?" Has your girlfriend become less affectionate, or have you lost your charm? This blog post brings you the answers to all your questions to put your doubts to rest. Hence, take a deep breath, drink two sips of water, and scroll down.

Reasons why your girlfriend shows a lack of affection

  1. Time steal efforts: The love does not wane; it becomes a part of life. Your girlfriend loves you the way we love our parents, siblings, and friends. However, just as we don't keep reminding them about it, similarly, your girlfriend has stopped giving you reminders.
    • This is a good sign. You know she is not pretending while spending time together.
    • However, if it triggers you a lot, ask yourself questions, such as, does she look at you the way she used to? Is there anyone else with whom she spends more time than with you?
  1. She is bored: After the completion of the initial phase in a relationship, the person seems less interesting, and one is easily bored by their partner. This happens because there is nothing new left to discover. The initial charm fades, and one might even they had overestimated the person.
    • If you feel this is your case, stop oversharing your thoughts with your girlfriend. Don't give easy access to your mind. Let her get curious to know what you have been up to. It will automatically lead her to call or show up at your place.
    • If you feel bored too, there is time to make a change. Whether to make the change with or without your girlfriend is the question that needs to be answered. If you want her to the part of the change, you can either plan to take her on an outing or if you want both of yourselves to experience the change simultaneously, plan a short trip with your friend gangs.
    • Whatever you do, communicate the motive with your girlfriend and seek her suggestion. So be it if she says she would like to join you on the trip. If she likes the suggestion of going separately, all she needs is some self-indulgence. An overwhelming relationship can get boring.
  1. She is more career-oriented: It is possible that, with time, your girlfriend has become more focused on her career. This is a good and common change. We like to fool around in the early days of our youth, but when the pressure of paying the bills and proving your worth kicks in, you try to give the best of your abilities.
    • If you are confirmed that it is a work-related issue, ask her if there is anything you can do to help her. Let her know that you have her back. Motivate her by sharing inspirational paragraphs and videos.
    • Be a good listener, and try to know the important days in her work life. On days that are too hectic, send her food. You can show up outside her office after working hours on less hectic days with balloons.
    • Talk to her if it needs to be clarified that her work or exams are keeping her busy. Tell her you to feel something is off. Wait for her reply. Don't reply instantly. Take your time to process things.
  1. You don't appreciate her efforts: If you have never shown affection towards your girlfriend, she thinks she will give you a taste of your medicine. She might be mad at you and is waiting to pounce on you when you confront her.
    • However, if you think she is waiting for you to ask her about it, that is, if this has happened in the past before, the sooner you do it, the better it shall be. Never keep your woman waiting, and let her accumulate the anger because if she decides to give up on you, there won't be undoing it any soon.
    • If there has been a lack of affection, it is high time you show it. Give her the affection you would like to receive on your part. Whatever has been missing from her end, you provide for it. Sometimes, the love of one can be enough for the love of two.
    • Whatever you do, don't give up on love. Never shy away from putting in the effort. Remember, when you give your best to it or make a sudden change for the sake of your girlfriend, she will take notice of it.
    • Women are very meticulous. The chances are high that she is aware of what she is doing. She is waiting for you to realize it and think hard about it.
  1. She has taken you for granted: When we are given something in abundance, we start to take it lightly. It will continue the same way unless we get a break. It I after the break that we realized what we had been doing.
    • Help your girlfriend with this realization. Give her a break from your warmth. In such cases, merely telling it out in words will do little to aid. You need to make her realize it by taking her for granted.
      • For instance, if it has been you who texts her first every day, stop it. Wait for her to text you, and note the time.
      • She might start complaining and tell you that she can't keep up with such a treatment. That is when you.
    • However, if she doesn't mind the change or confront you about it, it is because she has been desiring it for a long time but couldn't gather the courage to talk to you about it.
    • It will take you some time to overcome this shock, but in those moments, remind yourself that you would have been less happy with her than you are now.
  1. She is out of ideas: Perhaps your girlfriend has pampered you so much that she is out of ideas to do it anymore. Remember how people use different spellings of "LOVE," "LUV," talk in similes and metaphors, or exaggerations, "I love you to the moon and its back," etc.? It is because they can't find enough words to express their feelings.
    • In such a case, you must help your girlfriend by discovering new ways of expressing yourself.
      • Don't stop telling her that you love her.
      • Write letters to her in an old-school way, recounting all the moments you have spent with her.
      • Make your words demonstrative. For instance, if you tell her, she is the "marshmallow" to your "hot chocolate," bring her a cup of hot chocolate too.
    • If she doesn't appreciate your efforts, tells you she loves you too or offers you marshmallows in return, she might as well have been out of love for you.
  1. You don't pamper her: if there has been a lack of affection from your end, your girlfriend is not to be blamed. You can't be the chocolate boy forever, even if you were one before. You need to take the initiative to make her feel special.
    • We long for relationships because we desire consistency, warmth, affection, a constant reminder that our existence in the world is meaningful, and a purpose to keep on with the challenges.
    • Both you and your girlfriend should pamper each other. This pampering does not need to be financial.
      • It can be mere compliments. Telling a person how beautiful you find them to be is a great way to begin with.
      • Stroking their hair and rubbing their chin can be a brilliant way to express affection.
      • Giving them a nickname to make them yours in entitlement is a way to show how seriously you regard them.
      • Giving them the liberty to touch your hair, wake you up with a midnight call, and demand you to show up at their place at an odd hour is the right way to pamper someone.
  1. She is cheating on you: The possibility that your girlfriend might be cheating on you is not improbable. Adulteration in relationships has become the trend and has taken up the name of "modern love."
    • Most people these days are proponents of open relationships. They feel that love is universal, and even if there is only one person who should be subjected to their love, it should not stop them from making out with others because the property of love is to liberate.
    • If this is against your principles, tell her—to practice setting ground rules about the non-negotiables. The relationship is off the table if the deal is broken.
    • Forgiving someone who cheats on you is courageous, but forgetting about it and giving the person repeated chances is foolish. Never give someone a second chance to break your trust unless their reason is sound.
  1. She needs a break: When the relationship becomes too overwhelming, we desire a break. We are missing out on many things, as our world revolves around a single person.
    • There is an immediate desire to pause and resume life as before we started dating. This is also a step of self-affirmation.
    • You accept yourself; you seek solace in solitude. This is commonly found in people who have been loners all their lives.
    • They are introverts, the meditative kind. The trouble begins when they see an extrovert. An extrovert is restless and fidgeting.
    • They have this innate desire for action. They cannot sit calmly on a chair for long. They prefer activity and movement.
    • If you are an extrovert, and your girlfriend is an introvert, she is seeking refuge in solitude and expects you to understand and accept it without making complaints.
    • It is as if a mode of hibernation.
    • Allow her some time to think and feel. Once the feeling settles, she will find her way back to you.
  1. She is changing cities: Perhaps your girlfriend is at the threshold of welcoming certain changes in her life. Several factors, such as immigration, higher education, and career opportunities, could cause these changes, among others.
    • She might have deliberately become less affectionate toward you. She does not want to hurt your emotions because she feels for you. Her love is true. However, her reason might have rendered her into helplessness.
    • Try to encourage your girlfriend to talk. Even if she is off from the city in the future, tell her you can work out a long-distance relationship.
      • Suggest this idea of long-distance only if you can bear the distance. If you seek physical proximity, this option is not for you.
      • However, opting for a long-distance relationship can be a great experience for both of you. It will strengthen your relationship against all odds.
      • The willingness to get into a long-distance relationship should come from both ends. Never force someone to love you. Never hold hard on a person. You don't want to leash them in bondage. They should feel safe and be keen to be with you.
  1. She is under some bad influence (someone has been manipulating and brainwashing her): There is a possibility that your girlfriend is not keeping good friends. This happens when the life of a sophomore levels up. Hence, exercising patience is essential here.
    • When we start at a new place, a college, or a higher university, we meet a new set of people. These people come up with challenging notions. There is way more pressure in the social world than ever before. If your girlfriend had been raised in a way that prevented too much interaction, this new change might please her.
    • Remember how you felt the same when you were undergoing the same period? Try to recollect how your girlfriend had behaved back then. This is the opportunity where you must prove to her what she means to you. Giving up is very convenient. Sticking by is the real deal.

How to gain back your girlfriend's affection?

  1. Be consistent in treating her: Your girlfriend's behavioral change might be temporary. All it requires is fixing and patience. But when you take it too seriously and change yourself, those change becomes permanent as the getaway door closes in her face.
    • When you shut the door on a person's face in response to what they did to you, you are closing the door on improvement. The relationship's mending will never occur because you gave up on them.
    • When you remain the same and treat them with an unaltered mode of behavior, they will be pulled back towards you once the temporary phase is over.
    • This is an easy trick to make someone yours permanently.
    • However, it is difficult. But then, no rewarding experience comes easily, right?
  1. Communicate your feelings: When your girlfriend might get aloof, tell her to show you some love. There is nothing to think twice about it.
    • As her boyfriend, you are supposed to talk your heart out with her. She might be so preoccupied with her world that it didn't occur to her she has been neglecting you.
    • If there is no change in her affection for you, she won't say or do things that might hurt you. She would rather appreciate you reaching out and perhaps drowning you in kisses.
    • However, if she gets annoyed and calls you whining or sick, she is very disturbed or needs some time to gather herself up.
  1. Give her a surprise: When your girl seems a bit off, a surprise or two can cheer her up. The surprise could be anything to make her feel special. It is a gesture from your side that she is in your heart and mind.
    • From showing up at her place to sending snaps and making video calls, do anything your time allows. Perhaps send her a video expressing your feelings, or strip-tease her.
    • Mind you, ensure that she enjoys it. Girls are great at faking. The surprise should be more about her than you. If she has a fan crush and you can do something about that, it will cheer her up.
  1. Appreciate her existence: Give her reasons to make her feel that life is beautiful, and never stop giving those reasons.
    • This can be done by sharing meaningful words about what she means to you and how beautiful life is in her presence.
    • You can also share inspirational life and romantic messages to make them inspiring and worthy.
  1. Recreate memories: Dull moments can occur in a relationship, but you must ensure that the dullness is dispelled soon and happiness blossoms.
    • An easy way to do this is by recreating memories.
    • Memories can be recreated by picking up a particular episode and remaking it meticulously by bearing in mind the place, color, and music.
  1. Plan an outing together: An outing together gives you a handful of time to spend together. During this time, you can erase the distance, clarify doubts, and recreate the warmth that might have been missing.
    • The place for the outing could be a villa, a summerhouse, someplace by the beach, or a picnic sport. Depending on the purpose, if it is to have fun or make it more romantic, choose the place.
  1. Make your relationship official: She might think you have taken her for granted because you haven't proposed to her officially yet. It is hence high time you do that.
    • Make it as romantic as possible, but also keep it private.
    • Use perfect lights. Don't give her a clue about it.
    • Do it the stereotypical way because girls crush on Ryan Gosling, and he knows how to do it the best.
  1. Give preference to her choices: If the relationship has always been about you, it is time to turn the tables. Make it all about her now.
    • Visit the places she likes.
    • Go for the movies, she fancies.
    • Dress up the way she has always wanted you to, perhaps more sophisticated, British, and gentlemanly than like a cool dude in high school.
  1. Try something fun worthy: When the situation around and about you is getting tense, skilfully use humor.
    • Don't be dictated by the plot, but use it to give a vivid impression of your character.
    • Prove to her that you will not lose your charm even if the situation worsens.
    • Come up as a strong character and help her in gathering herself along.
    • There is no better remedy than laughter, which is also the best route to affection.
  1. Sing out to her: A delightful way to please a woman is to sing for her.
    • Playing instruments such as guitar, violin, or mouthpiece is not highly rated for nothing.
    • Pick up her favorite tune or a song you would like to dedicate to her.
    • Invite her to dance with you.
    • She will beam with affection for you.
  1. Get cozy with her: Making out is the perfect way to score high on the affection scale. Women get too emotionally attached when they sleep with someone. Hence, if you haven't slept with your woman yet, take her on the best ride of her life.
    • When you do it, don't get too wild or rough if your woman is not comfortable all at once.
    • Let her guide you, perhaps. You begin with soft touches and cuddling.
    • Please her. Make good use of your words, hands, and tongue.
    • Register how she smells, and tell her how you feel about her.
    • By the end, she will be high in love.

What to do if she repeats the behavior?

  1. Take a break: When all your efforts go in vain, it is time to take a break.
    • Drop her a text suggesting going on a break, and see her reaction.
    • If she is shocked, she will give you a call and give you an explanation.
    • If she is not shocked, she has seen this coming, and she won't reply instantly.
    • Either keep your best friend by your side or stay with your gang. If she breaks up with you, they will help you to stay distracted.
    • At night, you will be tempted to text or call her, but tell yourself that will be the most foolish thing to do because she will be convinced that you cannot live without her, which will fuel her ego.
  1. Go for a solo trip: A solo trip can help you fetch clarity. It is self-indulgent. It brings a newer and broader perspective into view. You might come back from the trip with a new energy that will outdo your girlfriend's negativity, and you will know best what to do next.
  1. Spend more time with your friends: When your girl is neither affectionate nor acknowledging your efforts, it is time to be the bad guy.
    • Spend more time hanging out with your friends than mulling about what went wrong with your girlfriend.
    • Party hard, flirt, drink, and eat to your heart's content. Do whatever it takes to make you feel alive.
  1. Read: A good book can open many new doors for you. Reading can help you calm down. It will make you feel good about life. It brings hope. Either seek refuge in your favorite book or pick up something in fantasy to transport you from your immediate reality.
  1. Work on your hobbies: Your life should be separate from your girlfriend's. It shows a lack of integrity. Do things that can bring you health and fitness.
    • Play your favorite sport.
    • Learn to cook. It is a slow and beautiful process. The culinary skill will help you understand more about managing life's moves and becoming triumphant.
    • Dance and music take one a long way. Pick up either, and seek perfection. It will help you discover yourself. You are mine, and you have exceptional abilities within yourself to do things.
  1. Keep it from affecting your career: Never let your personal life intermingle with your professional. Even if it does, use all the wrath to boost your career. Be an overreached. Don't stop till you have proved your worth and made your heartbreakers realize the loss.
  1. Make yourself the priority: Chant the mantra, "No one is supreme to you." Read Rudyard Kipling's "IF." Try to see life from the poet's perspective, where he tells his younger self not to give up on hope or faith and not to submit to lies or hatred even if the world wants you to.

Quick tips

  • Don't expect your partner to love you relentlessly all the time. Sometimes a break could be all you need.
  • Have patience. Time will bring you the answers.
  • Send her flowers.
  • Listen to soothing music.
  • Hit the gym.
  • Learn boxing to channel your emotions.
  • Stop stalking her.
  • Change your look.
  • Buy yourself some nice gadgets. It could be a car, play station, or toys to satiate your desire—anything to replace your obsession with her.
  • Stay hydrated, and eat healthily.

About the Author

Suprity Acharyya

Suprity is the editor-in-chief of Relationshippp and its parent site RelationshipExplained. She overlooks the end-to-end editorial publishing pipeline. She has a Bachelor's Degree in English and did her Master's in Social Welfare Management.
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