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My Boyfriend Asked Me What I Want From Him (Reasons & What to Do)

Feature Image of My Boyfriend Asked Me What I Want From HimHe might be getting mixed signals from you. When we seek clarity, or if we don’t want to fool around with it, that is when such a question tosses up. If your boyfriend asks you this, he feels insecure with you. Spend more time with him, and have a hearty conversation to load him off.

In this blog post, I will help you figure out why your boyfriend asked you what you want from him and how you can direct your relationship further. Keep reading!

Reasons why your boyfriend asked you what you want from him

  1. You have taken him for granted: if your boyfriend feels left out because you have not been updating him about your life, avoiding meeting him, or neglecting his calls, he might have been antsy and asked you this.
    • The feeling of being taken for granted is awful. It gets worse when the person you love feels so for you. 
    • Your negligence or unavailability might cause such a misinterpretation. Your boyfriend feels you have taken him for granted and asks you what you want from him.
    • You need not retaliate or get mad at him. That will not bring either of you any good. If you have been distant, and it isn't deliberate, give him an explanation.
    • Tell him about your situation, and let him see the honesty in your eyes; if he loves you, he won't be deluded by perverted notions.
  1. You are sending mixed signals: There is nothing worse than sending mixed signals to someone who hearts you. If you have been playing the on and off-hand with your boyfriend or telling him that you are not certain how exactly you feel for him, he will get offended.
    • When you keep someone in the no man's land, you neither allow them a free pass into your life nor out of it, and things become tricky.
    • Nobody likes to be treated like garbage. If you keep your boyfriend hooked to you and try to control his movements while not allowing him to do the same, he will see through the game. 
    • When someone is giving you respect, they expect to be treated the same way. Refrain from taking that which you cannot return or compensate for. It can weigh all the members involved. 
    • If you genuinely want him in life, it is time to level up and make him feel desired.
    • If you don't want him in your life, be straightforward. Truth can be bitter, but it is still sweeter than unfolding lies.
  1. You are seeing someone else: If you have been cheating on your boyfriend or openly flirting with others, your boyfriend might be pissed at your behavior.
    • In the early stage or the later stage, insecurity can sip in at any time in a relationship. If you already have many guy friends, your boyfriend might feel insecure and possessive towards you.
    • Besides this, if you flirt with your boyfriend's friends or random people, and humor guys when they try to hit on you, your boyfriend will think that you don't think much of him. 
    • In such a situation, keep yourself in your boyfriend's shoes and imagine how you would have felt had he done this with you. 
    • The easiest way to remedy this is to stop going astray. Apologize for your behavior, and post pictures with your boyfriend to ensure him that there is no one in your life but him.
  1. You are irregular with texts: If you reply to your boyfriend at your convenience, or you never call or text first, he might feel that you are keeping him in your life as a favor to him.
    • Being irregular in texts is a turn-off at multiple levels. Doubts at different strata begin to seep in.
    • Your boyfriend might be wondering about the possible reasons for such behavior, whether you are being irregular because you are texting someone else instead or you are not interested in him anymore. 
    • It is always taken to be a sign of foul play where it is believed that you are hiding something. 
    • Take your time in clearing doubts. A cloudy mind will keep getting negative. 
  1. You have stopped complaining: If the relationship between your boyfriend and you has been such that you have been too fussy and your guy too laid back about everything, you must have been complaining about his habits.
    • We fail to comprehend things when our relationships take a steep and sudden turn. Hence a voice of desperation would ask you what happened and where things went wrong.
    • Remember the scene from Friends where Ross messes up by cheating on Rachel because they are on a break? But then Rachel confronts and tells him that she never stopped loving him. 
    • She was disheartened because she had hoped that even if the distance increased, it wouldn't matter. After all, Ross would love her all the same. 
    • If you suddenly stop complaining to your boyfriend, he will feel left out. All good hopes will be dashed. Hence, start coming up with the habit of checking up with each other at least once before going to bed.
  1. He wants a clear picture: Perhaps your boyfriend is the confused one over here. He does not know what he expects from the relationship or where he is willing to keep you in his life.
    • This happens when you have been dating for a long time, but neither of you is into the future talk. You have never mentioned what's next. 
    • Perhaps now he seeks a change, either with you or without you. He is looking for a re-estimation of sorts. Your willingness or enthusiasm will help him to make the call. 
    • This will help you too. A coherent status will improve efficiency in other dimensions. You will be able to function better.
  1. You are very demanding: If you have been maddening your boyfriend with demands, he might find the bombshell exhausting.
    • This happens when you are either fidgety or need help wrapping your mind around things.
    • It is childish behavior. While your boyfriend might have initially enjoyed indulging you in child play, he might dislike it on trying days. 
    • Try to understand your boyfriend's mind before attempting to make a suggestion. Don't be too stubborn. 
    • A relationship is taken to beautiful heights when you are an accommodative partner. At times, if not always, you must prioritize your partner's well-being before yours. 
    • To stand victorious in a relationship, don't mind losing. You are expected to be courteous with everyone, but you must show them that you love them dearly when dating.
  1. Your boyfriend has high expectations: If your boyfriend has an idealized concept of a devoted beloved that he is unwilling to give up on, you will face difficulty in adjustments.
    • Most guys brought up in a dreamt manner are deluded by the idea of femininity. They find it difficult to see their girlfriend without makeup. They face difficulty in handling the pain, naturality, and reality related to women.
    • Such skeptical notions arise when they are not brought up in the company of women. If they have lived alone most of their lives or in a refined atmosphere, their take on things will be far from reality.
  1. Your boyfriend wants to make a puppet out of you: Perhaps your boyfriend doesn't care about your individuality. To perceive that you can have a perspective that you own, or to assume that you can master a handful of skills better than them, is mind blogging for them.
    • Say you make a better driver than your boyfriend, or you are more adventurous and likable in life, but you are dating a silly person who likes to have the upper hand in all situations; he would neither enjoy your company nor aid you in any way to enjoy his. 
    • Such men are products of patriarchy. They are terrible humans. They will have a hard time dating a feminist. 
    • Hence, try to understand a person's ideologies before planning to date them. When your ideologies do not match, you will always oppose one another.
  1. You did not wish him: If you don't remember the special days of your boyfriend, he might get too upset with you.
    • Your boyfriend might be an attention seeker who takes it at heart when you don't notice a change in his hairstyle or a new pair of something he has tried.
    • When you don't share your boyfriend's energy or excitement regarding something, he might feel you are sailing in parallel boats.
    • The question is to urge you to come on the same boat and become a part of his experiences. Not everything has to be negative. 
    • The fact that he is asking you something on your face shows the intent to resolve the matter rather than playing mind games or ghosting the person.

What to do when your boyfriend asks you what you want from him?

  1. Stop playing games: If you have been deliberately messing with your boyfriend, it is time you show him some sincerity.
    • We are in a playful mood and intend to make some mischief by teasing the ones we love. If you have been doing it and your boyfriend has become antsy, take the red flag and stop it.
    • If you have been flirting with others in your boyfriend's presence, he might wish you to stop. It is healthy to be possessive in a relationship. 
  1. Communicate: When a man asks you what you want from him, there are plenty of ways to answer it.
    • Tell him you want him to love you. This will be an invitation to get cozy. It will also help to communicate that you are not feeling loved enough.
    • Tell him you want fair treatment. If he has not been honest with you or taken you for granted, explain how he would feel when you treat him in the same manner.
    • Tell him you want him to spend more time with you. Be direct about it if you feel he has taken you for granted. Explain to him how spending time together will help in mending your relationship.
    • Tell him to make the relationship official. If you have an overwhelming sense of insecurity that could be controlled by making the relationship official, suggest the same. 
    • Tell him you want a break if you both can use it. If he can talk you out of it, nothing better. If the same notion convinces him, it will do you good.
  1. Recreate memories: We underestimate the power of memory. However, recreating memories can take us a great length. It helps you recall why you are together, how far you have come, and how you managed to come so far.
    • Journeys have ups and downs. When you stand both holding someone’s hand, it strengthens your bond. In the moments of difficulty, when you face trouble thinking straight, revisiting memory lane and uncovering the buried sense of nostalgia will lead you on.
    • Think of the first time you kissed your boyfriend, the day you accepted his proposal, the most romantic date he has taken you on, and then do the same for him. It will only go appreciated if mentally he is dwelling someplace else.
    • Don’t be heartbroken if your boyfriend fails to share your energy. It means that the trouble is way deeper than you had predicted. Something has been disturbing him so much that he cannot give his best to you now.
  1. Make love: No problem cannot be resolved by love-making. When you feel that your boyfriend might be getting distant, the quickest way to remove it is by getting intimate.
    • A thoughtful rendering in the process of love-making will touch the right chords. Picking the right moment rather than forcing it on him, dressing to please, setting the bed accordingly, and building a romantic playlist that is sensational and one-of-a-kind will help you do it.
    • You know what your boyfriend loves about you. In preparing to sleep with him, focus on those niceties. To accentuate the effect, try something ticklish. Use feathers, toys, new flavors, and new styles to show him you are all willing.
    • Gift him a pair of boxers with a message. Work on the design and print of it. It would be hot and rewarding.
  1. Be honest: If your boyfriend is pissed at you because you have either been unfair to him or kept things from him, it is time you take him into confidence.
    • Hiding the truth is the task of a fool. When you are keeping things from your boyfriend, he will understand it from your body language. 
    • When you are dating someone, you get into their skin. They read your face, know your moves, and notice when and how often your eye blinks.
    • Hence, lying to two people in your life – your mother and your partner is the basest lie. Even if you feel you have done it with good intentions, the revelation of truth strikes harder than the purpose.
  1. Pamper him: If all your boyfriend’s attention has been devoted to you and you have never reciprocated it willingly to make him happy, it is high time you do it. Love is noble when efforts are put in from both ends.
    • Your boyfriend should not feel that you are there with him as a favor to him. He should see the fire burning in your eyes and the wish in your actions. 
    • You will have his complete attention when you unhesitantly cover the extra mile for your boyfriend. He should never feel that you are selfish or greedy. Remember, once someone is out of love for you, it is difficult to regain it.
  1. Spend quality time together: If you all need more time, take a vacation. Build on regular habits. It could range from sharing meals to cooking them.
    • There are various ways to spend quality time together. Pick an activity that you enjoy doing. If you enjoy cooking, either fix a meal for each other or share the kitchen.
    • Going on movie dates or Netflixing new series together will help you share an interest and similar emotions. The idea is to make every moment count. You both must share a sense of gratitude to be with one another.
  1. Introduce him to your family: If you feel your boyfriend is indicating toward leveling up in the relationship, introducing him to your family will ease the process and make him more confident.
    • You understand a lot about someone when you meet their parents. It gives you an idea of what they are and is not. The “despite” and “owing to” of a person’s personality become clear.
    • Most people are driven by the plot and other characters in their life. Only a few can take up the voice of control. It would help him to know your background, the way you were reared, and the reason why you prefer certain things in certain ways, and it will remove your doubts to a great extent.
    • When you allow your boyfriend to see you in your domestic appearance, all the facades of unrealistic expectations and makeover appearances are removed. He sees you bare and knows your flaws and wounds by heart. 
    • When they accept you even after that, you know you have been accepted as a whole unit. It helps to brush away your insecurities as you know whatever is between you is tangible and true.
  1. Make your relationship official: when you feel that making the relationship official is the natural next step to take, and you feel it will mend your relationship. You are confident about it, don’t slack yourself from doing it.
    • When the hustle is worth it, there is no need for hiccups. If you are confident enough and have been dating for a long time, it is the natural next step to take. However, if you feel loose ends to tighten, don’t hesitate to propose.
    • Making sure that you are on the same page with your boyfriend is essential. There are no shortcuts; even if there are some, don’t go for them. The best course to be taken here is through discussion. 
    • When you get the affirmation, do it right. Make the moment instaworthy. Pick a theme, and choose not to be stereotypical. The intent is to make it memorable.


Here are a few things to keep in mind:

  • Whenever an open-ended question is thrown at you, try not to ace it because there is no code to crack unless you have the dimension and specificities of the problem. Asking your boyfriend what he means by this question and telling him to be more precise is sensible.
  • Don’t be all too shaken by sudden interrogations. Interrogation is meant to talk things out rather than scare you off. Try to understand the situation and handle it with care rather than being prompt in your answers or unnerved by the situation.
  • If you need some time to meditate over a situation, asking is perfectly alright. While time does not mend things by itself, it will help you process them. You will be able to draft your short and long-term plans.
  • Holding a person forcefully is the last thing you want to do in life. When the person gets fidgety, you ought to ease the grip. If they decide to leave, they have made up their mind. If they stick by, they will endure through thick and thin.

About the Author

Suprity Acharyya

Suprity is the editor-in-chief of Relationshippp and its parent site RelationshipExplained. She overlooks the end-to-end editorial publishing pipeline. She has a Bachelor's Degree in English and did her Master's in Social Welfare Management.
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